Cut comes to chase
I think I'm going to have to make a decision soon as to whether or not staying in this relationship is good for the family as a whole. I'm thinking it's pretty toxic and my kids are 12 and 13. I don't want them to grow up thinking this is how it should be on top of my alcoholism.
One thing I AM doing now is to move the office upstairs to the guest room and use the downstairs bedroom and bath for myself. The rest will be revealed.
I could never have had the courage to change were I still drunk, 370, not having faith in myself, staying in fear, and practicing how to let go.
I'm a long way from the graduate fellowship sent from the US to Taiwan to study Sino-Chinese Business models, 1 of 3. The woman who was the Taiwan Correspondent for a trade mag, becoming maketing mgr for the 2nd largest PC maker, travelling the world solo making cold calls and customer support, circling in the embassy/consulate/CEO crowd, PR rep for AmCham. Owning my own rep business based in Singapore.
What happened to that woman? I got to be a 370 pound woman with 2 babies the tube turned on in the middle of the day drinking beer and having no hope. I can't blame it on alcohol. Only when things became intolerable and seemingly insurmountable did I turn to alcohol. And within 6 mos., it had me by the throat. I was a mistake waiting to happen.
But I won't live being treated like a loser instead of the winner I know I am, and want my children to know I am. I may be a lot poorer, but I don't really care...the fear of financial insecurity doesn't bother me...well doesn't paralyze me at least. What use is having money if I'm miserable, the kids are miserable? They are both International Baccalaureate, guaranteed admission to a Texas Univ which almost 100% comes with full funding if they finish the program. It won't happen if it stays like this. I won't stay sober either if it stays like this.
I am nervous about being almost 50 and out of the workforce for 20 years, but I really can't imagine myself ending up on the streets (knock on wood).
Sometimes softer, sometimes harder. They will always materialize if we work for them (the AA promises)
Change can be good.
Vicki
my doctor told me that if the relationship was not strong before surgery, it will more than likely end afterwards. you need to take care of you. you are a valuable person who deserves the respect. your kids are more than likely suffering seeing what is going on. you need a change and you can do it. it is scary at first but once you get the confidence back you can do it. your kids will become stronger as well as you. with the things that i have endured, my fiancee has been out of the picture for a few years and i have been a single mom since then. i work 2 jobs but i make time for my kids because i have to i guess. my kids are 14 and 4. like i said, you need to take care of you. if you don't take care of you, who will!! i am behind you 100% because i want you to be healthy and happy. money does not make your world go round and it will all work out. let him know what a wonderful person he lost. best of luck to you!!
Vicki,
You are an intelligent and strong woman who is not "perfect". No one is. Get your ducks in a row while you figure out what you want to do. If money is the reason you stay then make sure you know what you are entitled to in a divorce. You have a strong work background that is valuable. Do not make a move without knowing your options!
Hugs,
laurie
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