Ouch!

I have been officially fired. Ouch! My sponsor seems to think I haven't hit bottom or am serious about the program. !2 year...two relapses, the last a few months ago. She thinks I need someone physically to be able to meet with me. True, I haven't found my center yet, but I'm not sure there is such a thing as a perfect alcoholic. Also true, I had two surgeries and was whacked on pain pills for a lot of the time she has known me. I HATE taking pills, and refused them at first, but the pain was too intense and I was afraid it would lead to drinking. Don't know why this stings. It probably IS in my best interest, but after calling her everyday for months, guess I've become attached. Oh well..it's not going to help eating, drinking or shopping over it, so I'd better lick my wounds and carry on. I'm glad I'm doing back to school errands with the kids this afternoon. My mind is certainly not the best place to be at the moment. I could really chew on this if I let myself. Vicki

Vicki: I don't necessarily believe that an addict has to hit bottom to decide to get sober. I don't believe I hit bottom - came damn close being drunk at 1130am (blew a .30 when I got to the detox unit.) And relapse is pretty normal...unfortunately. I do think your sponser is probably right that you need someone you can meet w/ physically. (As you know - Iam looking too for one...) I truly believe I started drinking so much because I lost the ability to use food as my stress reducer...Went to a therapist yesterday - going to go every week for awhile. (She wanted me to come twice a week...but I think once is enough...) Keep busy...that is what I am doing.... Anne

Hi Anne, I think we all have our own bottom and it varies for each of us. Maybe we even experience new bottoms as time goes on....I was stone cold sober when I hit my bottom. I was paralysed with desparation wanting to have ANYTHING to take my discomfort away or at least numb it. I knew I had mentally crossed a new line of insanity and thank God another addict came along and invited me to a meeting at that very moment. Good luck with the therapist and sponsor situation. Laurie

Sorry about the sponsor situation. My sponsor is looking for one too! Fortunately in the short term we have a really close circle of women for support but she needs to find one. My sponsor beleives if you stay open and ask the universe it will provide. With 17 yr clean she would really like someone with a significant amount of clean time but at least locally that narrows the field. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Vicki. Laurie

It sucks to be fired by a sponsor. I have had it happen and know how it can set the mind racing. This is where trusting your Higher Power, who I call God, comes in. He knows all that we need, and will show you the right person to ask when the time comes. As for bottoms, they vary. There is a chapter in the Big Book that discusses how bottoms vary between people. Some people are high bottom alcoholics, while others are low bottom. My bottom was not even with alcohol, but with cutting which landed me in the psych ward of a hospital. When I started drinking again in 2001, my therapist warned me that if I continued drinking I would end up there again. That snapped me into going back to AA meetings. When all else fails, don't drink, make a meeting and take it one day at a time. Hugs, Trish