Yesterday was a tough day...

Still sober, but difficult none the less. I had told Randy my SO for the past 19 years and the father of our daughter that I didnt want to get married in October as planned. With the struggles of "life" and doing some deep soul searching, I didnt think it was something I wanted to do as I was having trouble accepting a few things. I think I have been not living my life, rather living a life for Jen and Randy. I feel sometimes that I just accepted things that bug me and annoy me and I dont want to do that anymore.. I could go on and on but wont bore you. At this point the wedding is off the table, but we are still together.. Not sure how I really want my future to go from here on this, but atleast I dont have a wedding to plan.. ALSO.. Yesterday I was invited over to a gal-friends house for a get together with some close friends, that havent been all that close lately. Mind you.. these gals would at times start out the happy hour at 2pm. I used to be part of that, but havent been part of the "tight" circle they had in a long time. One gal I use to be very close with before she met the other gals and felt I could confide with her a while back, but couldnt until now as they make it lifes goal to discuss and talk about peeps. ANYWOO.. I think you get my point on this clique. I dont care about that anymore. I am more interested in being forthcoming and honest. I had decided that it was time to "fess up" on what is going on in my life and as hard as it was, I hit the "reply to all" button. YES.. a small part of me regreted it as I dont like being "discussed". One replied saying "sounds like you are having struggles and I understand why you wouldnt want to come over". I havent heard from the others yet and at this point.. It wouldnt bother me if I didnt.. TODAY IS A NEW DAY... Thanks for letting me voice out some frustrations.. Dana

I tell ya, between losing weight and getting sober, life just doesn't look like it used to, huh? That's a good thing, even when the changes are tough. Good for you for posting and not keeping it bottled up. I don't see any party friends anymore. I get bored stiff going to a bar for 4 hours. Unless someone's flirting with me! Ha! Not really. It's just no fun watching people get drunk and tell the same story for the third time. Now I surround myself with what I consider the winners; people from the gym, AA and in my community who have all of their teeth! (that's a Santa Cruz mountains joke...a lot of the old deadheads live up there). Vicki

For what it's worth I think you did something good for yourself. I too do not spend time trying to have a good time with the party crowd anymore. Oh I do have parties and occassionally make an appearence but as Vicki said it isn't so attractive. last night I had girls nite with my circle of recovery friends. We are all in the same sponsee/ sponsor circle. Gals from 23 yr to 52 yr. We had such a nice time. I bought all kinds of fun food. A crazy assortment. Sushi, Mexican, Greek, Italian foods. After the rest left my new sponsee stayed and we got a chance to get to know one another better. Calling off the wedding sounds like a reasonable choice now. You have a lot to consider and there are so many changes. No need to ru**** at this point. I hope this will be a good day but remember you can start your day over at any point not dependant on the clock! Hugs, Laurie