Feeling a little blue..

Since last evening.. I just seem to be going through some heartbreak and dearly missing my friend, Miller Lite. I cant say for sure what through me in this funk, but it is definately hard to deal with. I have been reading a few chapters from my big book and had read my daily reading from my 24 hour book. It seems to satisfy me momentarily. I have not drank and I certainly dont intend to, but DANG... I just feel like screaming!! We went to a pool party/BBQ of some friends today. They are not big drinkers, but many of their guests were. Coolers of beverages all over. People drinking and being jolly. I did my best to not look like the bump on the log knowing I cant and wont have any. After a couple of hours, I asked my dear SO and daughter if they would mind if we left as I was having a hard time dealing. They were so kind and understanding and we went home. I do think my emotions are mainly due to PMS, but it was a very hard day today. Tomorrow is a new day and I will continue to take it one day at a time. Thanks for listening..

...but you made it through the party. This may sound silly but write a letter to your dear friend Miller Lite (ML) and explain why ML can't be your friend any longer, explain what you want from your life now and why what you want is more important than your relationship with ML. I did this on my online journal with a letter to Grief due to my current marital situation and I felt better for awhile. http://www.journalscape.com/Jaybeez/2006-06-17-16:28 Link to my letter if it helps you. Fake it till you make it...so smile and make us all wonder what you are up to!!!! Jade

Thanks Jade ~ ! I am waking up this morning, feeling a bit better. I wish you all the best in your situation and sending you healing hugs across the states!! Dana

What's the deal with non-alcoholic beer? Is it playing with fire, or satisfying a taste craving? I get sick of sweet drinks and crave carb tasting or yeasty drinks. Japanese rice tea is a good substitute. I know that feeling, for sure. I sooooo wanted a nice frosty mug of beer when I went to downtown Austin on Friday nught. Then again, I also sooo wanted to be 21 again! Some things just a'int gonna happen. Vicki

Thanks Vicki~ I have to say that I do get all my fluids in ie: water; lemonade..etc while sitting outside buy the pool. I am feeling better this morning and ready to face the day fresh!! Its going to be a short work week and the boss is out of town!! Ahhh.. 21... I was the responsible one.. Went to bars and dance clubs with friends and stuck to 1 maybe 2 drinks, then water the rest of the night.. What happen to that kid...?!?! I have a dear close friend that is questioning my alcoholism saying "Dana... you are the one that usually had a beer, then water.. are you sure you have a problem..?" I had made that comment to myself a many times and YES, I am.. Have a SUPER day!!

Today was kind of "just aiiight" for me too for some reason. I wasn't aware of a conscious desire to drink necessarily, but I did notice that my brother was not drinking (very unusual) and even my father was behaving rather well. Maybe I've been a good example for them... Somehow I think it's about THEM however in other ways. It was a nice family get together at my parents' house and nobody was obnoxious. I'm sure my mother was immensely grateful. I did leave a cookout early on Saturday however, because everybody was getting a bit tipsy and I just felt VERY uncomfortable - almost jealous. They were starting to be assclowns though - BUT... here's the strange thing. My house is clean, laundry done, cooking prep for at least 2 dinners this week (all I want to chance so as not to spoil), and I just don't know what to *DO* with myself. That makes me a little anxious. So I am a bit moody tonight myself, but am not sure why. I guess it's ok to actually FEEL this feeling and think about it instead of shutting it off and numbing it. Maybe I'll get to the bottom of it. I hope you do too! Big hugs to you - I'm very proud of you! hugs m

It is weird to notice what others are doing or not doing. I am glad your family gathering was nice. I think JEALOUSY was definately one of the feeling I was having yesterday. I am very proud of you too!! I have yet to get into that "cleaning" groove. Not that my home is a pit, but I would definately like that cleaning bug to bite me in the a$$ big time! Have a SUPER day!!

Sometimes I had to avoid parties where alcohol was served, when I was early in recovery. People, places and things can trigger relapses. The best thing to do is get to a meeting as soon as possible and share these feelings and get support. They will pass. I am at work in a rehab tonight and was talking to a coworker who has 13 years sober. I asked him if he missed going to a picnic today, and he just said, "Why, it's just another day." In the therapy group I led at the psychiatric hospital I had the topic be freeom. Freedom from the ills that go with the disease. You will wake up on the 5th of July with no hangover, no regrets, a clear memory of everything you did on the 4th. Measure that against a few Miller Lites. Talk about independence day. Declare today your Independence Day from the jail of alcohol. Hugs, trish

We had been over there on Saturday also and things went a-ok, but then again, there was only one person who was drinking.. Yesterday I was able to have a bit of fun and eat some grub'n food and visit with some folks, but there just came a point when it was time to go. I think what is going to help me through this is that 90% of our family and friends, either do not drink or drink on rare occasions. We dont keep beer in the fridge, anymore anyway, and so far my only temptation was at the party yesterday. I WILL PREVAIL..!! THanks Trish! Have a SUPER day!

2 yr ago July 4 was the last time I drank. Last yr I mourned my annual party. Strange thing was we went to visit a friend in a halfway house. Still it was so weird. We ALWAYS had a big bash. This year some friends in recovery came over. We had such a great day. I never even thought about drinking. I will not say I never mourn drinking because sometimes I do. I wish I could drink and not head into an unmanagable life but today it isn't worth it. Good friends, good food, and I am happier than I can ever remember. Nice way to start my 3rd yr into recovery. Hugs, Laurie