Danger zone

I always tell newbies not to get their knickers in a bind over gaining a pound or two due to daily fluctuations in water weight or even what's in our intestines (even though I did when I was losing). But 5-6 pounds? That's another matter and I am officially freaking. I weighed in today at 173, 3 pounds above my max, not my mid-range. I am 13 pounds above my comfort zone of 160-165. Being near goal, that's a lot. Amazing what happens when I eat a whole box of cookies over the past three days. Cookies I bought for the kids, don't you know, who are in Singapore! Plus I made a rib eye roast and ate it for every meal for three days, making vege/bean/beef soup with some of it. (I just gave the rest of it to the dog out of frustration. God forbid I should waste it! What makes me think it would be better on my rear end than in the trash? Starving children in India mentality?) In other words, I've been eating like a fiend. And this is NOT a physical craving. I have some life issues to address involving my relationship and what I want out of it in terms of my changing role and behaviors, how I should redefine myself and how I would like to be treated now that I am no longer fat and lazy...well, at least not fat! This is my hot button area. Rapid change in other areas doesn't stress me out,. In fact, it's exciting. Well, if eating really did make things better, I'd say go for it. But it doesn't. Plain and simple. I can be a real freak sometimes. On one hand, I am doing a be nice to Vicki thing while hubby is away and doing so many things I love. On the other hand, I'm overeating out of stress, not hunger or need. And flaking at the gym. Oh well. Nothing to do about it except do something about it. Acknowledgement, which is what this post is, is the first step. Not feeling guilty or demoralized and talking myself into a positive proactive attitude is the second. Keeping my mouth shut to junk food and moving my butt is the third. When my body feels good, the mind follows and visa versa. This is the very time when I need to think clearly and deeply; NOT sabatoge myself and, for that matter, the family. Sucks being grown up. Sometimes I really miss my old familiar pity pot. Vicki

Wow, you sound like me right now. Except, I ate a no sugar added blueberry pie in three days. Homemade. I use the last supper syndrome as my excuse, BUT I don't have a surgery date yet. My gut tells me I have to self-soothe and work through the life issues that plague me. I am not doing my deep breathing, or journaling, or meditating as much as I need to. Do you do any of those things? They do help, WHEN I DO THEM. I just don't do them like I should. Have you tried therapy? It does help me. I may be a basket case at this time in my life, but before I was just plain nuts. The important thing is that you are becoming self-aware of what is happening, and that you need to address these eating behaviors. Hang in there. Hugs, Trish

Im sending you bug hugs! I have found myself snacking a bit more that I want to in the last few days. Not at all happy about it.

Oh boy, I know that feeling! I just returned from the convention wiped out from all the travel and eating out. Today we had a few friends over and I ate a sensable portion but did not eat slowly. Grrrrr. Had to gag up a bit of it. later I decided for some stupid reason that I could eat cheesecake. Not the sliver I would usually have no a whole piece! Needless to say I was nauseous and had to make a quick trip to the bathroom. Why do I do it? I am 2 yr clean this morning. Rude awakening that I can still do the same stupid things even in recovery. I do not need alcohol or pain pills to do dumb stuff. Just have that same old denial. Well, I will get my butt up for the morning senior exercise class. I was sore for 2 days after the first class so no illusions that this 50 yr old body is any more fit than the 70 yr olds in the class! However, I am hoping after I conquer this class I will be up to something more. Baby steps. Laurie