Blue Sunday

Supposed to be blue Monday, but I don't want to start the week off badly! Do you ever have dreams you can't remember but you wake up feeling really blue? I can't seem to shake it today. Maybe it's as simple as I stayed up until 4:30 am watching TV junk like Twilight Zone LOL! since I have the house to myself and woke up at 7. I have a little lack of sleep headache but don't want to take a nap. Or maybe it's the impending future. I'm not in fear of economic insecurity and, since I'm sober and not MO, I may be way rusty, but I ain't broke. I am sad, though. Things aren't bad; they just aren't good. That's a weird place to be. You know we addicts are very uncomfortable with stasis. We seem to have a need to have things moving all of the time. Or zone out. Well, at least I'm learning I don't have to DO anything about this, and sometimes it's OK just to be sad. Now I can just sit on my hands and have faith that this, too shall pass. I used to find this absolutely untolerable. It would stress out so bad for no reason at all and I would drink to escape. Nice, in a way, to be able to actually feel, even though it's not always pleasant. I could go out and see the Neville Bros. tonight at the world famous Antone's, a place I have always wanted to go, but to tell you the truth, I'm too lazy today to wash my hair, do make-up, etc. I think I'll pull out a book. That in itself is a real luxury. Yup, it's settled. That will be my self-treat for the day. I can actually read it cover to cover if I can, since no kids to wake me up. I lost my keys and credit card. When I found the cars broken into, I have no recollection at all where I put them. It's driving me insane! I'm looking in the same place over and over again with no results..Does that behavior sound familiar? Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results? Geesh! Vicki

Hope your Monday goes better!!! I laid in bed and read for half the day myself yesterday, then I took a nap, and then I couldn't stand it anymore, so I steam cleaned all the carpets in the house. I definitely need to find a happy medium, but at least my OCD is manifesting itself in housework instead of much worse behaviors like shopping, drinking etc. Today I'm actually working (well i'm in front of the PC, but my brain isn't really engaged), but I'm goign to make some dishes to take to my parents' barbecue tomorrow - baked beans and my low sugar banana pudding! (I LOVE banana pudding). hugs - hope Monday isn't as blue. Michelle