Shakes are gone replaced with a smile

I didn't mention the reason the beer bothered me is that I took hubby and the kids to the airport yesterdayto go to Spore and I didn't want a re-enactment of the last time. I am so proud of myself for dumping that beer down the drain and then confessing to it online. I woke up rhis morning clearheaded, went to the kitchen where the sink is filled with empty upside beer cans. Used to be when there were so many upside down cans, it's because I drank them the night before. I was always astounded at how many there were. Well, this time I just smiled inside, went to my Chiropractor and had a great 45 minute deep massage and realignment. Then to my Doc's for a recommendation on how to lessen my latest (non-alcoholic related) badge of honor: the scar under my eyebrow from wiping out on my bike. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself...why after losing 210 pounds, lbl, ubl, arms, new life, did I bash in my face? Well, guess what? I did and I'm not going to wake up and it's gone. So with renewed motivation this morning I decided to start living in the solution instead of the problem. I got some Mederma and will start using that. After the Doc's I went to the grocery store, bought myself salmon, one small stuffed chicken breast, squash, salad and the the treat, cherries. I didn't even pinch at the Brach's, which is a miracle. I then drove downtown, reminding myself to enjoy it instead of practicing negative self-talk like how bad it was to be in heavy traffic on a holiday Friday afternoon. And projecting what a drag it would be coming back. Then going tonight again, not being able to find parking.,,, BS! I cranked up the radio and eveything was flowing so smoothly, I had to remind myself of how I had almost robbed myself of that experience. Needlessly. I bought a ticket to Esther's Follies, a comedy review tonight. The Horror, an Agatha Christie play tomorrow, and got the dibs on the Symphony for Sunday. I don't care if I have to park far away. I'm going to get dressed up nicely (for casual Austin) and stroll to the theatre, watching people and enjoying being sober and not 370 pounds. I have to remeber today. It will probably always be my tendency to be drawn to the dark side as an alcoholic and food abuser. Today is not my usual behavior, but it sure feels good. Do you think if I try to act like last night and today more often, my nature will ever change? Maybe not, but I don't have to wallow in it (one of favorite pastimes sometimes, sadly) Things would have been sooo different had I picked up. Scary! Vicki

Hi Vicki! Your weekend sounds divine! I wish I lived nearby and could join you! Your question made me think a little. I heard Dr. Laura say once that we didn't acquire good habits from having the attitude first - that it was the opposite. We develop the attitude by practicing the good habits. Then somewhere along the line, we find that our esteem and attitude improves as a result of the positive reinforcement. Basically, we should just DO the right things whether we feel like it or not and then sometime later, our mind and self esteem gets on board too! I heard that about 10 years ago but have never forgotten it. I think she's right! Not to be one of those pop-psych quoters, but Dr. Phil says something similar. He says every bad behavior/habit we kick needs to be replaced with a good behavior/habit. I think you're doing this in spades! I'm immensely proud of you for pouring out the beer. I will say I'm surprised that you left the cans. Part of that is my new found obsession about not being able to go to bed with anything in the sink , but seriously - I just couldn't be reminded of it personally - I'd have had to put them in a trash bag and then taken the trash to the dump or something. I've recently been able to be around my girlfriends if they are having a drink, but I'm insistent they take any leftover beer or booze with them when they leave (if at my house - where we all always end up cuz i have the biggest place). I can definitely identify with your beer experience however. When I was cleanong one day last week, I found a bottle of Kahlua in one of the cabinets. I freaked out! I mean, even when actively drinking, I never even liked it - I think it belonged to one of my girlfriends and was left behind at some point. I probably was in NO DANGER at all of drinking it - again, it's not my thing. The funny thing was that that one bottle scared the hell out of me. I took it over to my parents house and gave it to my mom. She looked at me kind of funny - like she didn't "get it" but took it off my hands regardless. When I got back home, I was almost having a panic attack - like that bottle of kahlua was going to get me. Weird huh? I wonder if we can ever be "normal" around such things. Your weekend sounds divine! My kids are away (summer camp, lake with grandpa and friend's sleepovers respectively), so I'm surrounding myself with friends this weekend myself - they keep me honest and definitely support me (the friends whoI thought I'd run off for good after their little "intervention"). In a way it's protection - I know they won't allow me to do anything I'd regret. ONE DAY, I'm going to feel comfortable to be by myself again. Maybe I can practice on Sunday after Church (although I've already crawled up my mother's butt and asked her to go to the mall with me LOL). Keep up the awesome work! You are a big inspiration for me, whether you realize it or not! Big hugs, Michelle

You are doing great!!!!! Yes, new habits are so hard to get used to. It is so hard to find the positives in all the negatives. But, they are there. The more I go to AA meetings, and talk to my therapist and share with others, the more I am able to start seeing the silver lining in the clouds. Keep practicing the next right move. When I was first sober, the second time around, my AA sponsor kept telling me "Just make the next right move." She was so right. Sometimes in the middle of all the stuff life throws at me, I have trouble knowing what to do next, so I just think, "What is the right thing to do in this situation?" Eventually, it will become second nature. Then, only when I am under extreme stress, and not taking care of myself, do I get the urge to drink, eat, or whatever self-destruct mode I have going on. Hope this makes sense.