30 days - first milestone - a reflection

It just dawned on me that it's been slightly over 30 days since I had a drink, cigarette, or joint. I can honestly say that right NOW I don't crave any of them. I have my moments though. The Lexapro has REALLY helped to level out my anxiety however and take away some of the compulsive "soothing" behaviors. I've found myself replacing my drinking time with cleaning though, and while good, it's getting to be a bit out of hand (I scrubbed all the walls in the house yesterday - my son said I was going to have to repaint if I didn't take it easy). I'm actually tempted to get on the roof and clean the gutters today! As I reflect, I realize that all the things that made me want to drink are still there - fear, boredom, worry, self criticism.. but for the first time in a LONG time, I feel like I can actually deal with and work through each of these emotions. All the therapy that my son, myself and our family has been getting has really began to give me those tools. I have actual PHYSICAL things I can do when a panic attack hits aside from just freak out! (not sure the counting etc is a great idea since I'm ocd - but hey it does help to count deep breaths) I find myself saying less and less, "I just can't deal with this", and instead saying, "it's going to be ok - we'll solve it" more and more. I'm not fooling myself - I know how easy it would be to ruin it all - JUST BY TAKING A DRINK - it woudl send me back down that road to Hell. But I'm encouraged that I'm learning ways to keep myself from doing that, and I'm grateful. Nothing is ever hopeless - not as long as we're living and breathing. love you guys! m

m, So glad things are turning around for you. You are a stronger person each day you stay positive. Jim

We're in the same space today. Congrats on 30 days!3 substaces, too. Wow! The only part I can't relate to, is wanting to clean the house LOL! Actually, yes I can. It's so peaceful not be be surrounded by chaos, and to care. I agree with the physical approach though. It keeps the mind busy as well as tires out the body, helping to combat the nightime head squirrels. No more sedatives. No wonder you feel boundless energy. Enjoy it! Vicki

I am so happy for you! What an awesome feeling! I guess in a sense i hit my first milestone last night.. First Friday!! Went to a meeting last night that was awesome! Thanks for sharing!! Hugs!! Dana

The first weekend can't be understated as a milestone. Although I never waited until Friday, seems the weekend gave me an implicit go ahead. First holiday, birthday, vacation are all important milestones, IMO, and to be recognized. Congrats! Vicki

Good for you. Did you get a 30 chip at a meeting to celebrate your success? I remember getting that chip, and then getting the 60 day chip, and then a 90 day chip. Then, I sabotaged myself and got drunk. That was in 1990. My lesson was, complacency. I thought I was immune. You are really doing a lot of good stuff to ensure your continued recovery. Keep self-examining. Keep putting one step in front of the other. Hugs, trish