I believe I have hit rock bottom...

And maybe I needed this to happen cuz I have not been waking up and seeing the light. I had convinced myself that last week was a bad week.. Stoping at the bar afterwork a few days, drinking many and gambling money that we didnt have. Well Friday was the kicker... Got home from my tyrant and was open and upfront with the SO about what I had done and that I needed to borrow money to put in the joint acct to cover the bills I had sent out the previous day.. Well... after many tears... He said I needed to leave. LEAVE MY HOME...! AND He said he couldnt continue to be put in the hole because of me and before he lost his home I needed to go ..AND I had to tell our daughter why.. Friday night was the worst day of my life and I never want to experience that again. My daughter was so angry with me and so upset, it nearly killed me seeing that. I did leave. I went to a dear friends house.. I cried my heart out to the point my eyes were swollen shut. Called my daughter a couple times to apologize and to see how she was doing. She pretty much did not want to talk to me. That was so heartbreaking!! Spent the day at my friends house on Saturday. She had to work and her kids were gone, so it gave me lots of quiet time to reflect, cry get angry at myself...etc Called Randy on Saturday and asked when I could come home. He said.. "Well... You know what you have to do." I told him I did know what I had to do.. I needed to fix myself and fix my family and that I wanted to be home to do that. Saturday evening I went home... My daughter allowed me to give her a hug and she gave me one back. I know all is not better, but I will take one day at a time. I went to church yesterday, and as much as I have not opened up completely, yet.. I KNOW there is a better life for me. I have every intention of going to a meeting tonight at 7:30. Thank You SO much for your ears. If not for your support, maybe for me to look back at this and remember where things could go if I dont get help NOW.. Dana

Hey Dana, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Is inpatient an option? Do you have insurance that would cover it? They could help you with the drinking and compulsive gambling also. It would also be a good first step and show of faith for your family that you are serious about addressing the problem. It's so hard to just *stop* these behaviors that are so long in the making. Hopefully this weekend will be painful enough to motivate you - not that I wish you pain in any way shape or form, but I can say that for me personally, I have to get hella uncomfortable before I make meaningful changes. I'm glad you're going to the meeting tonight - that's also a good step. If you can't do inpatient, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist or your doctor and discuss the issue. They'll be more helpful than you might think! Email me if you need to talk. Hugs, Michelle

Thanks Michelle~ I wish inpatient was an option.. At this point, I really...really want to try meetings and therapy. If they feel I need inpatient, then I will go... I do have a therapist that I see for medication management. Last time I was in to see him, I was all set to open the flood gates and get everything out on the table and all he could do was whine about his shoulder that was bugging him.. Sorry.. I maybe shouldnt say it that way, but it really bothered me.. I have made an appt with a new therapist that is closer to home. I am very excited to go and have decided no matter what, I can NOT hold back.. Unfortunately it is not until 7/18... I will make it!! Thanks Michelle.. Hope everything is going well for you.. Dana

In the end, I lost my husband to divorce, even though I was not drinking heavily when he left. I also had to sell my house in the divorce. Go to a meeting. Get a sponsor. Get lots of women's phone numbers. They are the things you need to do to stop drinking. Hugs, Trish

Thanks Trish~ Today I seem to be more accepting and open to the idea of going to a meeting.. I do plan on going tonight and would love to share my thoughts and feelings with you all tomorrow. Thanks AGAIN!! Dana

Good for you. I am on medication and in therapy. I see a psychiatrist for the meds, and a psychologist for the therapy. Don't be afraid to go to the meeting. You, the newcomer, should be the most important person there. The oldtimers want to help the newcomers. Don't be afraid to share that you are having trouble stopping drinking. We all had that problem. Listen for what the oldtimers did to stop. Phone numbers are so you can call someone between meetings and get support like this board, only telephonic. Ask questions. Stick around after the meeting and talk to women. In my area, the rule is women with women, men with men. Feel free to post here as much as you need to. Hugs, trish

Hi Dana, I have been out and about all weekend. I am sorry you are hurting but also glad you had to make a choice and decided to do the right thing. Trish is so right about newcomers. You are the most important ones at meetings. We also encouge you to get with the women and get phone numbers and use them! At first the phone feels like it weighs a ton. But, once you start doing it it is a lifesaver. Your family loves you enough to finally set boundries. Honor those and do your best. I sent you the Womans Spirit today. Hope you enjoy it. I do not get tham daily but several most weeks. Always a good bit of food for thought. Love ya, Laurie

Thanks Laurie~ You have definately been a positive in my search for recovery. I am bound and determined to go to that meeting tonight... My mom had also said to me. "If for some reason you dont find the least bit of comfort in the meeting that you attend tonight, then try a different location tomorrow night. Sometimes it takes going to a couple different meeting locations to find one that "fits" you." I am trying the one tonight that is closest to my home.. I plan to go to that same location tomorrow night.. Just gonna take one day at a time. Dana

Your mom is right. I am blessed with a ton of meetings in my area. There are multiple meetings a night within a five mile radius of my home. Each meeting has a different personality. I had to look around for a long time before I found a few meetings I was comfortable with. But, each meeting has one purpose....to carry the message of recovery to the still suffering alcoholic. Listen for the message of recovery in what is being shared. Good luck tonight. Hugs, Trish