Loneliness Sucks!!!!!

I am trying so hard not to get on the pity-pot. I was able to get out of the house for a few hours this morning, but I can tell you that I am sick and tired of being lonely. I tried calling someone from AA, and she wasn't home. I had tried to call her on Friday, but she hasn't called me back yet. Then, I tried to call a friend from OA, and he was on his way out the door. Then I tried to call a friend in Florida, and she was resting. I just sat here and cried. I hate it so much that I do not have someone in my life who puts me as a priority in their lives. I hate being divorced. I hate that my ex is leaving for Spain in three days, with his new wife. They have been to Spain three times in the two years they have been married. When he was married to me vacations were a week in a cabin in the state parks. Europe was too expensive then. Now, it is a drop in the bucket for them. Sorry for the negativity. I just am so tired of this existence. One of the many reasons he left me was because I was fat. I haven't had a date in two years. Then, I was dating a loser who asked me to marry him before he met me, and after I met him, I was creeped out by him. I feel like I am losing my mind. Sorry. Trish

Oh Trish, I am sorry. Sounds like you need a new activity to meet some new people. Sometimes I just have to do it. My world gets too small when my usual friends get busy. I know it sounds easier than it is. Maybe you could arrange dinner and movie with someone you like but really have not stuck up a friendship with? I have been in the same relationship for 30 yr so I have no dating advice. I would be lost!!! I understand your resentment with the ex. It would **** me off too. He sounds like a middle age crisis to me based on what you have said about enableing his son, you are caring the education expenses and he is off with the new gal to Europe! You need to do something nice for Trish. Do not wait for anyone else to do it. Do it for you. I do not think you are losing your mind. I think you need to make you a priority. The kids are adults. Time to make you more important. Maybe that boy with the student loans could take over some of those payments? Just a thought. Hug, Laurie

Yes - lonliness sucks! I've discovered something weird about myself since being sober. I don't like being alone. I used to like it just fine - of course, that's when I'd drink the most - nobody to be accountable to! I have instant messenger, and if you'd like my number, I'd be happy to share that also. Sometiems just knowing there is somebody to vent to helps. I'm here for you if you need me. I don't have very good dating advice either - although divorced 8 years, I've spent over 5 of them dating a man who has only interacted with my kids twice. The next personal goal in my recovery is to let go of this relationship. He loves me in his way (see when a woman says, "in his way", that means uh oh - something is very dysfunctional here). I love him. He is NOT into the whole family thing however, and he lives 2 hours away from me and neither of us will ever move. Meanwhile, here I am with son troubles, and other issues in life where I want to focus on my kids. He will never be a part of that. I think I"m doing them a disservice by focusing my romatntic attention in this relationship. Soooo believe it or not, sometimes I'm lonlier *with* this man than without him. But... we're not talking about me I've started going to church again. I've not yet branched out enough to attend the various activities and classes, but I'm slowly meeting some pretty nice people and I feel encouraged. I was so moved during yesterday's sermon I just burst into tears, and my mother had to hug me for the rest of the service. What the heck was THAT about? (the message yesterday was redemption - maybe I felt that I was unworthy of it?) She keeps assuring me (my mom) that I *will* meet some good folks who at least are trying to live with proper values and who value family. I was skeptical at first, but I'm seeing what she means. I don't think I've wanted to really face the spiritual side of my life in a long time - again - another personal step of my recovery. Yes - lonliness sucks. There's no way around it. I often wonder why I can't just like me enough to be happy and content by myself. When I figure that one out - I'll definitely share the magic formula. Again - call on me any time if you need me - I may be nutso, but I'm nice hugs, m

I'm so sorry. Lonliness does suck and I feel it quite often. I have not had a boyfriend in over 10 years and in between that time I gained about 180 pounds. I'm down 100 but still don't feel comfortable with my body. Since surgery my sister and I hardly speak. Not sure why, she just turned into a total biach! Always trying to compete with me. My mom and I hardly speak as she is abusive verbally at times and it really brings me down. My youngest brother is unhealthy emotionally, etc and lives with my mom at 40 years old. My oldest brother is in Calif so we only speak about 1 per month but we are close. My friends are all really busy in their lives and keep themselves busy. I do get together with one of my friends about once per week or every two weeks but I'm still lonely. I go home at night and just want to drink to make the lonliness go away but it just makes it worse the next day. Sometimes I just feel like my life is not complete. I wish I had someone to share it with, then I think I'm not getting any younger and I'm getting set in my ways, will I be able to get along having someone in my life. Gosh, I feel for you. I know somewhat what you are going thru except for the divorce thing. My heart goes out to you.

Thanks for the support. I do have a life, on certain days of the week. I belong to two knitting groups, and a Bible study, and go to church and sunday school, and have all sorts of friends all over the world. Problem is last week I had foot surgery, so my mobility over the weekend was limited. It still is to a certain extent, though I did manage to hobble into work today. I just am feeling all out of sorts for a lot of reasons this week. Like, my 28 year old son who lives in New York City. He couldn't take off work on Mothers' Day because he needed the hours. But, he managed to take off yesterday to visit his father, and stay at his house last night. New York is 90 minutes away from here. So, I feel like a red headed step-child right now. I will be okay. The thought of a drink did not cross my mind. Helps that I am taking Vicodin for the foot surgery. I am not abusing it, just enjoying it while I can. Hugs, Trish