dumb things that cause my panic attacks

My boss IM'd me about an hour ago and I wasn't here - he's offline now so I can't find out what he wanted. I feel this irrational guilt cuz i've been pretty much mentally checked out even though physically trying to work over hte last couple of weeks. I'm sure it's starting to show that I've not gotten much done. So, I have no clue what he wanted, but my guilty conscience has worked me into an anxiety attack. He's not the type, however to harrass me about work stuff during my family's time. So, yes I'm just a nutcase. Honestly - I think all it takes is a strong wind to do this to me. I hope the psych helps me with some SSRI meds when I see her on the 19th. I'm going to manage to get myself fired simply be being completely looney! Breathe Michelle breathe - that's my mantra today. Breathing, m PS - no laurie - i did not get to a meeting tonight although I wanted to and was ready to. My friend who was going to come by to stay at the house came down with something and was vomiting - so he coudln't help me out. I'll try again tomorrow. Today was hard. I *really* wanted something to calm me down, and unfortunately there is nothing that will do it - this I know. I behaved - but it sure was hard.

How well I know those feelings! I like to go to morning meetings for two reasons despite the anguish of waking up so early. 1) it starts me off right, with a positive attitude. By evening the damage is done and it seems more like a band-aid approach rather than pro-active. 20 It makes me go to bed earlier, automatically cutting out my old eating and drinking time. Easier to simply eliminate something than fight it for me. It only hurts the first week or two, but what a difference. No grumpy Mommy in the morning and I feel empowered and positive. Vicki BTW, my first meeting was HORRIBLE. Although the preamble said kids were welcome, the b secretary said in front of everyone that she preferred kids weren't there and said I was wrong to bring my baby. I left and cried all of the way home. I was desperate and this was the last stop on the tracks. I made myself go to a second meeting, and a kind woman came up to me and said "let me take her for awhile". You should have this time to relax and listen." To this day I do not know who that woman was, but her reaching out unselfishly helped to save my life, I am sure. So keep trying them on until you find one which fits.

Mornin' Michelle, Sorry you are struggling today. These are hard times but you are doing so well. Hopefully you can get a meeting in. Vicki makes a good point. Many areas have morning and afternoon meetings. I chair a noon meeting and frankly did not expect it to survive but every week people show up! Hugs, Laurie