I am so glad to be here

I was afraid to post on this forum. I am so glad I did. It is another way to connect. Ask for input and support others feeling the same feelings I do. I need to reach out locally. I could not survive this addiction without it but here I am free to simply open up and reach out. On the other hand, I cannot use this forum as my only source of recovery. I need support in my world not just in cyber space. That was hard for me. I was 48 yr old, a professional, never got in trouble, had a wonderful life except in my head! Who would help me? Who would accept me and understand? It took a leap of faith and desperation for help. I went to my first meetings with an eighteen yr old kid who was dating my daughter. Everyone thought I was his codependent mom!!!! When I first said I was an addict they thought I was just saying that! No one challenged me they welcomed me and once they figured out I was what I said I was they have become my closest friends and or support. I do not advertise my addiction in my personal life but I do not hide it either. It is just my life now. The people who care about me are happy for me. Some of my oldest friends are not part of my daily life anymore. They are still in active addiction. I love them, I see them occassionally. I do not party with them. We have dinners, or go to functions but no more margarita parties for Laurie. Sometimes I miss it. For the moment, but not the life of hearing my head roar. Not the mental and physical pain. Several people have stepped up and reached out over the last couple of weeks looking for peace. I am so happy for you. Scared for you because it is hard to start. I can only share my experience, strength and hope. I do it willingly. It is a easier to stay clean than to get clean. One day at a time, Laurie

Well, it is decided. I will follow my own advice and jump in the shower and get to the 8 pm meeting. i tend to blow Mondays off because I chair a Tues. noon meeting. Sounds reasonable but the truth is I feel the need to show up. Catch ya later! Laurie

Im glad you are here too!!!!! Im so scared to go to meetings............were you at first? I do want to meet new friends though....... anyway just wanted to share that I am scared of making it final.....like saying "im never drinking again" it scares me................Im sure you have heard this before.... talk to you soon~ xoxox

Sure I was a bit afraid. I did not know what to expect. However, I was miserable and I figured I did not have much to lose. I just went and listened. I kept going and people were friendly and talked to me and welcomed me. Now mind you they were thinking I was one messed up co-dependent mommy who was willing to go to a meeting with her son and say she was an addict just to help him! LOL Not true. I was there at first with my daughters bf who was a very sick relapsing coke addict!! One day a woman asked me straight up when was my clean date. I told her. She asked who my sponsor was. I told her I had been thinking about it for weeks and was planning to ask her. The rest is history. She is a great sponsor with 17 yr clean.The young man didn't do as well but eventually went to a long term(15 month) program and is clean and working and adjusting to life without drugs outside of a structured environment. I am so proud of him. I wi**** wasn't so hard for him but he is so young. When I first joined I thought I would go and take what I needed and leave the rest. I had a hard time thinking in terms of never. As time went on I felt so much better I realized I would not trade my peace of mind for a drink, a pill or whatever. I became willing to do whatever it takes to make it. I hope that answers your question. One day at a time is just that. Each day leads to another one day. It is too hard at times to project to forever. Just do not use today. Love ya, laurie

I'm glad you are here too! *hug* m