Things really *are* better in the morning

I don't know if it's my perserverence.... the xanax..... the ambien... BUT - I am awake and actually happy about it for the first time in days. I did not get up and burst into tears!!! HOORAY!!!! I slept great, and woke up with NO cravings - thought that cig thing was going to kick my butt worse than not drinking! I officially made it through my 72 hour "window". I'm not sure if this is a psyiological thing or psychological - but for me, I've found if I can do something for 3 days, then the rest gets much easier - the first 72 hours are the TOUGHEST! Well I did it! I'm so proud of me! And again, it might be in my head, but today I feel this strange calm... and NOPE, I haven't taken any more of the xanax. I only took 1/2 mg yesterday tbh. Bethany - I'm so proud of you too! I think you guys really helped me yesterday - i was definitely on the edge! Laurie - thank you for the email too. I was seriously at a point where I was feeling very very isolated and desperate. On the friend scene - one of my two lifelong best friends called to check on me last night. She was VERY proud of me for the appointments I'd made and the fact that I really did listen to them both last week and *DO* something about my out of control behavior. I think we're going to be ok. She told me she loves me and isn't going anywhere as long as I'm not over here killing myself. Now for my other friend.... well she thinks friend B will come around. I said some very very hurtful things to her in a couple of drunken stupors (that I don't even remember) and it's going to be very hard to make things right wiht her. Time, patience, perserverence and humility - it *might* be ok in time. IF I keep behaving. The three of us have been very close since college and the thought of losing them made me absolutely inconsolable. So today I feel GOOD! Bethany - if you wanna email today - hit me up at [email protected]. I can't seem to bring myself to put anything associated with AOL on my machine (I do have yahoo and msn messenger though), so AIM is out. LOVE YOU GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH! m

Funny how things always seem better in the daylight. I do not even know you but I am proud of you too because I know how hard it is. Wish I could say I have given up the cigs but I just do not have the willingness now. I quit for 14 yr but just before I joined NA I started again. I justified it by saying I could do worse things. It is true but once I started again the beast is out and I have not dealt with it. I am sure the meds are helping. Follow your Dr instructions. I am a firm believer that you cannot get well if you have a medical need and you are not t aking care of it. Not everyone agrees with me. As a nurse I think there is a balance. For example, I have chronic depression. If I did not take my Lexapro I would be in a poor state of mind. How could I deal with recovery if my brain chemicals are out of wack? Midnight last night a newcomer called me to ask if she could take the meds her Dr gave her. My advice? He knows you are in recovery? He knows you are and addict? She did discuss it with him at length. She alerted her sponsor. So take the meds AS ORDERED. No playing pharmacist. I have met a lot of people who are bi- polar and addicts. They refuse to take their meds and end up relapsing. Not all would agree with me. I know some who do not use Tabasco because it has a hint of alcohol in it. Well if that works for them great but I think it is dangerous to say no meds period. The important thing is to be honest with the Dr and your sponsors and support system. Oh and YOURSELF! I am happy your friend is still there. She is a true friend. We do harm in our active addiction to the people we care about. Hopefully with time and new behavior your other friend will see that you are doing the next right thing and be open to the changes in you. Have a great day! Laurie