Feels Good :)

To be sober tonight I Had some soup, made a grocery list, gave the kids a bath, ate some melon, sent my Grandparents an email.............all things that do not get done when Im drinking.... Thank-you Melissa for being here, and Laurie and everyone else!!!! Im going to go read, peacefully!!! Any of you ever read the Jennifer Weiner books? She wrote "Good in Bed" and In Her Shoes" which was turned into a movie with cameron diaz......... anyway right now Im reading her book called "Goodnight Nobody" very good book!!!! ok, so Goodnight everybody!!! Imlucky I have people to say goodnight to!! xoxox Bethany

Hi, I have been out all day and missed all the posts. Sounds like everyone is hang in there! It is so strange to read your posts because I feel like I have lived it all too. I love to read. I have 3 books I am reading now. Bought another today. I am a night owl and my husband is not so I like to read in the evenings. I had a busy day. After my meeting I did some shopping. Maybe a bit more than I should have... When I got home my husband suggested we get some sandwhiches and go down to the beach where our daughter works and have dinner with her. It was nice. The weather is warm and the humidity unusually low. Later two of my friends from the fellowship came by and we went in the hot tub and had coffee. I also started organizing and purging some of my jewelry. I love fun costume stuf and some of it was painfully 80's looking. We got a few good laughs at some of the jun****pt so long. It's 3 am so if I want to be human today I will have to try to sleep. My daughter just broke up with her bf of two yr and wanted to watch a movie so we just finished that. Monster-in- Law. It wasn't very good but a few laughs. Mostly it was good to spend sometime with her when she was needing to not be alone. I guess I had better skip my books tonite!!LOL The sun will be up and I will still be awake. Laurie

I'm so proud of you! I have a philosophy - for me it takes 3 days to break a habit. What I mean is that if I can endure withdrawal of any kind for three days, then the rest gets easier and easier. It's that three day window that kicks my ass. THEN part two of my philosophy. It takes 30 days to make something a habit. If I can make myself undertake a certain behavioral change for 30 days, after that, I don't have to give it so much conscious thought - my natural tendency for habitual behavior takes over. My need for socialization is another thing however... and it might just take me to a meeting today. Theis is what holds me down to sanity land - knowing that I'm not going to feel tighter than a bedspring forever, but only 3-30 days I hope you have a wonderful time in the park today - headache free with a clear mind and happy soul! You helped me so much yesterday just being online and letting me know I wasn't all alone. Thank you. hugs, Michelle

Hoping both of you hang in there today. One day or one hour at a time. My social life is very full. In fact it is so good to have friends that are not just the parents of my kids friends or work buddies. Real friends. It took time to get to know people. It took an open mind and when I was invited to coffee or whatever at first I said no but once I participated it opened up a new world of fun. It took a hurricane for me. Literally! I showed up for a meeting and our site was closed. No power. No flashlights hot as hell outside. Those of us standing in the parking lot went to someones house who had power. The rest is history. My goal today. Stay out of the stores!!!!!! Put some money away! I am getting a bit dangerous with shopping. Thank goodness I can see that before I create a mess. Laurie

Thanks Laurie! Today I just feel so much more like it's going to be ok. I took my xanax (only half of one though so I can work) and I am actually concentrating and getting things done. My kids are happy to see me not crying today too. I frighten them when I get like that. I've been on paxil before for anxiety disorder. I'm textbook "wound up". So are my dad and brother who choose to self-medicate with alcohol, like I'd been doing recently. So the xanax will help me until I get to the psych on the 19th and get my brain chemistry right. My best friend (the one who checked on me last night) has a psychology degree and is persuing her masters now. She's been telling me for months to PLEASE get back on the anxiety meds so I don't feel the need to knock the anxiety out with booze and pot. Dang her she is right. It just took me damn near killing myself and ruining all my relationships to wake up. Today I feel grateful. I feel grateful for good friends, grateful for "coming to my senses" and grateful for the HOPE I'm feeling for the first time in a long time. Good luck with the non-shopping! My Old Navy card is literally burning a hole in my pocket now that I've paid it off! I *love* Old Navy! many hugs, m

Well I just posted a huge long post and my dumb interenet connection failed ughh anyway I was saying that last night was sober and peacful but my sleep was horrible....tossing turning, dreaming about monsters etcetc this morning I woke up and its raining...no its POURING AND here I am planning on when to go out and get something to drink.....ugh Im going to read a new book today, I finished my other one last night, Im going to post this now before connection goes out again

alrighty, so today no park, and its a depressing cold grey day................YUCK.. Im on EFFEXCOR how ever you spell it.....I was on ZOLOFT up until 3 weeks ago my my DR discovered that since my WLS its not being absorbed into my bloodstream like it was preop............hmmmmmmm So I hope the EFFEXCOR kicks in soon` Laurie, Im so glad you post here, It makes me feel better, andyour daughter is lucky to have you as a mom, sounds like your a fantastic one!!! Michelle how old are your kids? mine are 5 and 2 1/2 PS I LOVE OLD NAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What size are you? 4? 6? you look tiny, and so beautiful!!! Got any old sizes that dont fit you anymore that you want to sell??? hahaha ok so Im taking today hour by hour........goning to go start my new book Ill be here all day, so I hope to read more posts!! xoxoxox Bethany

Hi Bethany, I did not sleep well either. I am planning a nap later. I am on Lexapro since 4 weeks post op. I took Effexor XR pre op. It worked but I was too sensative to it and got withdrawl if I was even a few hours late with a dose. There are so many choices so with a little trial and error we found one that works well for me. Size 4 and 6! Wow thats a dream for me. It will never happen without plastics and at 50 I am just not up to it at least not now. Heck my daughter has a killer shape and she wears 7 and 9. She is a dancer and works out so all muscle! I am still messing around with my jewelry boxes. I am so obsessive compulsive I keep looking in every nook and cranny for misc. pieces I cannot find. Maggie and I share so many pieces I am wanting to search in her room which she would be okay with her except it is her day off and she is sleeping! Maybe later.LOL The youngest child just rolled in from football practice and went in the pool. He is suppose to study today so I imagine he will fuss about that. My kids are older. The oldest does not live at home. Mags is living here her freshman yr of college. We also have a family friend who is 21 living with us and going to college. Our house is full. I can keep busy 24/7 cleaning! It is a big house and somedays I wish I still had my little house... not really we would be driving each other crazy! Well, I think I will attempt that nap for an hour or two because I want to have a quality day and I need to get to a meeting tonight. It is my homegroup and I am secretary. I need to be sure everyone knows we have a business meeting coming up. I also need to stay plugged in. My sponsor is working 9-11 hours per day currently so I do not get to touch base with her as often. Catch ya later. Laurie