Effects Alcohol has had on me as a post op

ULCERS 3 of them to be exact. I mentioned several weeks ago that I'd picked the cigs back up and was enjoying my beer a little too much and daily. I only gave up bits and pieces of my story but I'm sure in time I can let it all out. I will just note that I come from two alcoholic parents, married (and divorced an alcoholic/drug abuser) and now watch my brother becoming an alcoholic also. I've experienced the programs and the therapy and seen first-hand the ruin it can bring. I have NO BUSINESS DRINKING period. Ever. Well in my misplaced desire to not deal with myself, I've been drinking and...- I have three confirmed ulcers. Were they CAUSED by the alcohol and tobacco? Who knows - possibly, but i know they were definitely exascerbated by them. I was walking that razor thin line of trying to get really bad off thinking to myself that it wasn't affecting anything - that I'd stop when it affected my life adversely... um ok - it's time. Well I threw out all the beer and rum and tobacco on Thursday. I'm ok. *whew* I'm not sure what I expected, but I'm ok. I am a little edgy and not knowing what to DO With myself however. I think that is why I drank and smoked mj. I have some serious anxiety issues. When I drink/smoke/eat/use, the "pangs" or "worry voices" seem to hush for a little while. Well I also made an appt with the psych today too to discuss the anxiety and medical options for that as well. Self medication is not the answer. I need to work out with her why I transferred my compusion for food to alcohol and other things. A dear friend really read me the riot act the other day and I realized I'd worried her to death over the past few months. She's very angry with me right now because I kind of lashed out at her and asked her where she got HER psych degree? (she is not degreed), which was mean when she was just trying to be helpful. Anyhow - that was a purging of my soul - I needed to do it. I don't think I'm interested in a 12 step program at this point, but I am interested in somebody to pester online when I get so wound up I want to shove something bad for me into my mouth. There really is something to that oral fixation - I know it. I'm going to now resist the urge to eat something, smoke something, drink something or sit in my room and curse myself. I think instead I'll go for a walk and go to bed. hugs all, m

Michelle, You can "pester me anytime" I am just as prone to all of the above and I need others to tell me when my ears are falling off! I have posted many times that food, alcohol, medicine, shopping....... All areas are subject to my malady! Post away or email me anytime. Laurie

Likewise Michelle, you can't push me away... I don't push so easily. Like Laurie said, post or email me... I always shoot from the hip, in otherwords, I do not sugar coat things, I'm a matter of fact type person. Don't hesitate to reach out, we're all here for each other! Hang in there, brighter days ahead - promise! -Marina