Procrastination

Well I am feeling a bit uncomfortable these days. I am doing most things well. MOST being the word of dread. I have been sitting on my step work for months. Why? I am not sure. Feels like a chore but I KNOW that I always feel better after I do it. I am on a sixth step. Character defects! I guess I do not want to address it but as the Universe would have it they are glaring at me. Procrastination is one of my favorites. So I have been filling my days with endless chores of the domestic variety. Makes me look good to firends and family but I am not comfortable because I am not making my recovery the priority. I can see it plainly in others but in myself I find it easy to make excuses. In one month from today I will celebrate 2 yr clean. I promised myself I would have finished this step work. It is time I got honest with myself and just do it. Without my recovery I will lose all the wonderful things in my life.That is way too high a price. Back to basics. Not really different than wls post op is it? Laurie

Two years clean!!! Give it up for Laurie that's awesome girlfriend!!! The step you refer to??? Is that the 12 step to sobriety program I've heard about? I'm not sure what that entails, but pick up where you left off and finish the program. Consider yourself a self made project, and you can taste the satisfaction of completing your project. As for me, I always felt it was better to teach by example than to preach, and I wasn't setting a good example for my teenage daughter (who lucky for me is wise beyond her years), so failure isn't an option for me. Keep going down that path, and I promise you'll have no regrets; regress and that path is paved with regrets. You have 2 years behind you, I know you can do this. Keep us posted!!!! Marina

Marina, Yes I am refering to the 12 steps of NA. Similar to AA. Thanks for the congrats. I will never be done with steps. They are an ongoing process. As they are worked more is revealed. My sponsor has been clean for 17 yr. She has worked the steps many times. 12 step programs if applied are a life style to stay clean( sober). Laurie

Laurie: Seems to me that managing to do most things well is pretty darned good. Some, including myself, would include "perfection" as a character defect. So, maybe doing MOST well is actually EXCELLENT. I think the rate people work the steps is a very individual thing. I have seen people do 4th steps way too soon to handle all the emotional stuff related to it and end up using. On other hand, I was one of those that felt like I really needed to take my time and was well in my 3rd year by the time I did my first 4th step. A very good friend of mine has been sober for 40+ years and he never did a 4th step until he was sober for 13 years. Now, lots of people may not agree with that, but, we both managed to do what we needed to do - we didn't drink or use, one day at a time, for many, many years and in my book, that was "good enough". Be gentle with yourself, it will happen. Steve

Steve, Thanks for the words of experience and I could not agree with you more. Fortunately I have a sponsor who believes you need time to apply what you learn while doing steps and it seems to work. I am saying that I have been avoiding it. As it so happens the step is starting to work me so it is my heads up to start doing it. I do not feel it is a race. I too have friends that for a variety of reasons rushed thru and ended up not getting it and using. Others who have re done 1-3 several times before moving on. I am proud of the work I am doing in recovery and so far so good. It is just a funky day I guess. Meeting with my sponsor for coffee soon. The universal favorite of addicts! LOL one day at a time...thanks Laurie