To cast off my Armor

I know that I am overweight due the the fact that I was protecting myself,eating my pain and swallowing my fear and self loathing. Now more than anything I want to take off this armor that I have carried for so long and as much as I desire to over come my weight it also scares me so much that I want to leave what has been my security. Do other people feel like that about their weight? As much as I hate it and I want to change it, being fat is all I have ever really known.

ditto to every word you typed. However their is a way to protect yourself. Under all the big body and fat their is a hurting little girl who is scare to come out. You need to learn new tools to be ready to let go of the excess weight you are carrying. You need to know that you don't need to hide anymore. Yes I was morbidly obese all my life. I lost 150+ lbs and kept it off for 10 years. I no longer need the fat to protect me. I gave away the bear's coat that was my protection. The true is I still got hurt, I still cried it did not really do much of a protection. What I had to learn is to change my behavior and attitude and that's how I stopped getting hurt. I learned how to deal with people. I learned how to pick the proper people to call my friend......and the list goes on. If I can do it any one can do it. Good luck in your decision and new journey. It is lots of fun to be on the other side. Linda, if you want to talk in details email me to [email protected] Hugs Dani

Hi sweetie. Losing the weight scared the pants off of me. I was abused as a child for many years by people who SHOULD have loved me. I started gaining weight at 6 and never stopped. The first time a man actually held a door open for me (after I had lost about 100 pounds) I froze. He just looked at me funny and then said "okaaaayyy" and walked in leaving me there. People started looking me in the eye and MEN looked at me and I cried every single day. I MISSED being fat. I MISSED being invisible. I MISSED FEELING SAFE. I went to therapy and it CHANGED my life. Now I have had ALOT of therapy in my life but that one year I went for after WLS made all of the difference. I truly dealt with my issues and STOPPED using food as my "drug" and my "safety net". Now I even look out of the corner of my eye to see if men are looking because I like it. I have no other advice other than to say, PLEASE don't allow that fear to KEEP you from having this surgery. You deserve a better life of feeling "safe" without the extra weight. I finally do and so will you. I'm here for you. Annalee

Linda, are you still around? OH MY GOSH. What you said is 100% me. I am soooooo scared. Let me know if you are still on this website (I am fairly new to it.) My surgery is 9/14. I knew for years that weight keeps people away....................especially men. I have found to love and love freely with the men in my life but I can't keep from coming in contact with all those outside my protected circle. I worry about what will happen when I am thinner and attention comes my way? WIll I hide behind something else? Being fat is all I have ever known too. hugs - Stephy

Stephy, I am still around. Good luck on your upcoming surgery I hope everything works out for the best. I have hit a few bumps in the road of my journey so I am still waiting and hoping and fighting dragons for my future. Hugs, linda

Well sweets if there are any dragons that I can help you with..........just call me, I have a pretty tough sword when it comes to my pals. You guys on this website have seen me through sooo many issues and the abuse was the final one. I KNOW it will all be ok. I am scared still and feel like I always will be. I wish that losing didn't have to be such a public affair. Well, good luck to you and again, let me know if I can help, you never know what people you know, KNOW. LOLOLOL Hugs - Stephy

LInda, I feel exactly the same way. I hagte to admit it but it's true.  I put up a wall around myself to keep away from potential hurt after a very bad marriage ended.   It was not something I did consciously.  But it happenned just the same.  It's scary but we have to let go of the armor and learn new ways to feel safe, ways that do not make us lonely and isolated, but involved and intimate with people.  It is possible through therapy.  If you can go through the change of WLS you can do anything you set your mind to. I'm here with you.