Looking for reassurance--> ok, not the right word, but...

looking for stories or exp. of those who didn't drink before surgery. I love this board, I find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone-I read daily, post often. But I didn't drink pre-op, and when I did I had no guilt-not at the time, not the next day either-it was pretty far and few between, the drinking. Very "normal" and maybe 3 times a year. BUT now is different. I have guilt every day that I replace food with beer. I hope I don't come off as minimalizing anything, I don't mean to...those who have read my posts know I am sincere and know I am struggling...but I am sincerely looking for any input, first hand or second hand , from those who went straight from food to alcohol (or worse, if thats the case). Thanks for listening and understanding- Lori

Lori, Alcohol has been an off and on thing for me since my teens. I had many years when I didn't drink. I was still and addict. I used other things. Often it was food. I ate my way to 316#. I became addicted to pain pills, shopping and alcohol started working its way back into my life. I had a lot of denial about drinking. It seemed the least of my problems. The truth is I started with alcohol and ended with alcohol. I believe it is the most likely thing I would relapse on. The fact that you realize what is happening may save your life. You have to be willing tho to change. Today I know that when I am living in active addiction drinking or taking pills, the problem grows and takes over my life physically, emotionally and spiritually. I do not live in guilt, shame, confusion. My head is quieter. I have my self esteem. My excessive use of everything robbed me of peace. I am not willing to give it up ever. You are not alone. There are plenty of others out there. I did not choose to be an addict but I did choose to find a better way. For me that is a 12 step program. I need the group I need the direction. I cannot do it alone.I need others in my life who understand and can help me along the way. Willing to listen anytime. Laurie

I don't have much to share in the way of stories.... I'm still at a stage where I realize an issue, but I'm not ready to pour it all out and say it without squirming. I will say that I'm the child of two alcoholic parents. I also married (and divorced) an alcoholic. I rarely drank at all pre-op. My drug of choice has always been marijuana. Once I began to lose weight and go out socially, I began to drink more and more. For a while everything was fine until I began having blackouts and too many hangovers. I "cut it out".... for now. I dont' go out like that all the time anymore, but I do have a drink or two at home in the evenings (not all but some). Sometimes I even overindulge a bit. It's not screwed anything up YET - but.... like they always say, if you think there might be a problem... there probably is. What frightens me most with how this relates to WLS, is that my tolerance is NOT predictable now. There are times I can drink many beers, and then there are times when 1 or 2 REALLY mess me up. This has caused more than one embarassing scenario. Again, I'm not sure if I was just wild in the spirit of partying and got carried away, if my genetic balance made me succeptable, or if I was drinking more to numb what overeating numbed for me back in the day. I do know that I probably should not drink at all. I feel like I'm holding a pistol with ONE bullet in it and playing roulette - like I should do as Barney Fife would say and "nip it Andy! nip it right in the bud right now!" I totally know how you feel, and how difficult it is to verbalize these types of thoughts to most people - we feel nobody can understand. I know better! Some of the most meaningful people in my life came about thru the therapy and programs (Alateen, Alanon, AA with my ex) that I had to experience at the hands of various addictions. They truly understand. Email me anytime if you'd like to talk, hugs, m

Michelle, I know exactly what you are saying. I got scared enough to join a group and quit completely when I faced a family crisis and I was so stressed ALL I could think about was finding something to minimize my stress and quiet my head. I realized I was repeating a destructive pattern of coping by numbing myself. It took me until I was 48 yr old and had wls. Knowing there is a problem is a start. I was afraid. I had wls to save my life and I realized shortly afterward it was not enough. I had underlying issues. I really like this board because it allows me to acknowledge the fact that my morbid obesity was related to my addiction and obsessive compulsive tendencies. I know that I am not the only one. It is like having an elephant in the room and no one wants to be the one to mention it but we know it is there! Hugs, Laurie