Privacy or full disclosure
Well, since I haven't seen many new topics on here lately I will post one.
to keep the surgery quiet, or tell the world,,,,,or something in between.
I have been battling with myself weather or not to open up about my journey with anyone other than my immediate family. I feel I am throwing in the towel and admitting defeat with the decision to have surgery. now I know that the question will be posed down the road with the more than noticeable change, what have you all done?
Initially thin****pt it to family and my employer. With time it comes out to more people than you'll realize! Have caught many, many, many a funny look from wait staff asking for a take home box when I only order half a meal or an appetizer. GF is also a RNY and we split EVERYTHING whenever we go out. Have several places that will hit us up for a "sharing" fee but often times we can talk them out of those. More often than not though because we frequent most of the same places on a regular basis they understand why we do what we do and it is non issue.
Tell the world. Everyone will figure it out anyway. And there is no such thing as a secret.
Tell people, and tell them in a way that lets them know it is an announcement, not an opportunity for a lecture or debate.
6'3" tall, male.
Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.
M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.
It is up to you...Probably close family and boss. Whatever procedure you have, you could have bad moments (foamies, throwing up, dumping). The learning curve comes quickly. When you've done something about the 3rd time in a row (example drinking too fast or eating too fast or too much), unless you're brain dead, you'll start to wake up and modify your eating and drinking habits so the problems don't occur. The mental side of WLS can be harder than the physical side. A year post op and close friends and family will walk right past you...Not knowing it's you.
For me, after about the 20th compliment it gets really really old! I'd just say "I had gastric bypass" and leave it at that. People want to make a big deal about it. It is a big deal, but it does get tiring all the attention. So you just swing with it and go on with life. After awhile the newness dies down and you are just living life...Garbage still needs to be taken out, kids fed, car gassed and oiled...You move on to a new phase in your life...Just as a smaller size. Brian
I have been very public about my surgery. My big concern was to have the "food police" on me every time I ate something that they did not approve of. So right out of the gate, I made sure I told everyone that I have ZERO restrictions on what I can eat. I still get the occasional "should you be eating that?" comment, but I just reply with "should you be asking me that?" and that closes that door.
I don't know why you would think having WLS is "admitting defeat." If anything, it is the exact opposite. It is starting the fight of your life. You should be proud of yourself for making the decision and starting the journey. It is not a magic pill, it is hard work. Admitting defeat is eating that extra whopper because, what does it matter? Having WLS is staring at defeat in the face saying no, I will win!
Your call. Upside, you might get some support and help others. Downside, there are those who think this is cheating and undermine the real efforts you are making which reeks havoc on self-esteem. The later isn't true, but the perception is restriction = weight loss, and that's not true. You can still eat the wrong things and not succeed.
To each his own....no one knew except my wife until I was 200 lbs thinner and then they figured it out.
Scott
Very interesting post. I am considering WLS, and have not told anyone outside of a co-worker who had it done this past year. My support system is not solid, and I feel the misunderstanding, questioning, and having to justify my reasons to be a detriment to my goals. I feel that there have been enough negative comments about my size that having WLS disclosure will not improve my self esteem. Thank you to all of the answers to this post, I appreciate the different views and reasons.
I just found this thread. I started out telling a few trusted friends and family. Then, a few total strangers, just because. I am not secretive about it, but I do not march about crying out "Hear ye, hear ye!" On the one hand, it is nobody's business, but on the other, when you drop over 100 lbs in a matter of months, people notice.
I tell people I can eat whatever I want. Then I eat what I know I can. I do not respond well to pushy advice, or nosy behavior masquerading as concern over my health. "That's none of your business" is ever ready to be deployed, and has come out once or twice so far.
All this may sound blunt or harsh, and I suppose it could be at times, but most of the time I do not encounter any problems with other people knowing about my surgery. And if blunt or harsh is needed, it is because I am dealing with someone who only understands that.
As for feeling like failing, I never really felt that way. I felt like I was failing because I could not keep my weight off any other way. Now I am succeeding. If someone gives me that line, blunt and harsh will come out to play in full force. "Would you consider it failing to take insulin for diabetes, or medication for high blood pressure?" That's a response you can use for someone who conjures up that scenario for you.
