What a Pain in the Arse!!!

literally.

Please forgive the somewhat graphic nature of this post.  That's why I chose the Men's forum, figuring no one is going to think me a brute.

ok, so I'm about 3 months into my sleeve and things are going great, other than the fact that my performance in the small room is, shall we say, less than stellar.  

I will start by saying that I am able to eat a good amount of daily fiber from foods such as raw yam sticks, celery, jicama, carrots, greens and such.  I also drink a daily fiber boost in the form of psyllium fiber.  I am getting plenty of water each day as well.  BUT...although I am pretty much every morning like clockwork, what comes out is way too hard, and way to big of a diameter.   It is also incredibly dry so that I feel like I'm doing time in Folsum and I'm playing "house" with my cellmate (he's the husband).   I am careful about bearing down, but have at times found myself, a grown man of nearly 50, sitting there with my pants down, gripping my ankles and crying for "mommy."

So here comes the pain in the ass part...I am 99% sure that I have developed an anal fissure (wow, just saying that, "anal fissure" is enough to make me cringe).  I do notice a little fresh blood on the paper, and of course, there's the literal pain in the ass part.  I asked my wife to gently blow little puffs of air on my ailing rosebud, but she refused.  She obviously prefers to watch me suffer. 

So...standard advice...I know...."go see your doctor."  But before I suffer the indignity of placing myself over a wedge, gripping my buttocks and exposing my rear "one-eye" to a man who hasn't even bought me dinner or told me I'm pretty, I was wondering if there was some advice from you all that I might try first.  I don't think it has gotten severe yet.  Only a tiny bit of blood, and the pain is bearable and only intermittent. 

Advice? Anecdotes? Suggestions? Sick tasteless and uncaring jokes at my expense?

Matt,

I'll give you the best advice I can.  DO NOT go have your prostate checked till the anal fissure has healed!  I had an AF going and went to the urologist.  They heard me screaming not only in his outer office but on the floor above and the floor below.  That was 2009, I think, and have not been had my prostrate checked since then.  Next urologist I'm going to is a petite Asian/Middle Eastern female.  Small fingers.  

A little bit more dietary fat helps to soften things up.  Beats a hammer and chisel. 

wow, seems like words to live by.  Hear you now or believe you later... I'm on board with the whole "no prostate exam" thing for now. 

I really try to keep my dietary fat low for the sake of calories.  My daily goal is around 30gram (according to myfitnesspal ratios).  And I try to keep it to the good stuff like from fish and olive oil.

You say "until it heals."  will it just heal on its  own?  Is there something I can do?  Some sort of ointment?

I can't wait until I'm a "perfect asshole" again.

My brother beat you to the "perfect asshole" title last week.  Had his first colonoscopy done at 58.

It has been so long I can't remember what I doctored it with.  I may have just used plain ol' Vaseline Lip Balm Therapy. 

I had my knees in my chest for 30 minutes  one day. I found it got better when I introduced some vegetables and plenty of liquids. You can always take some caster oil.

Are there handrails in your can so you can grip it and rip it like big John Daly?

Seriously, I have had the odd broken glass and metal shard turd that felt like it came out sideways with razor blades embedded. Not fun at all!

Make sure you are uber hydrated, and well fibered.  Refried beans are a good roto rooter.

Good luck!

Tom

I too have started to suffer this fate after just about three months post op. I called my dietician and her advice was this:

1) I must drink at least 8 cups of fluid a day, the majority water

2) take 2 stool softners twice a day, a least for now, which I'm doing

3) add to my yogurt twice a day, bran buds (2 tablespoons each time)

Although I don't always reach 8 cups of fluid a day, this remedy has helped greatly.....

Good luck to all!

I have been getting all of my water in with no problem.  I eat yogurt every morning.  Perhaps I'll try adding another serving somewhere else in the day.  And most of all, stool softeners sound to be in order.

Thanks.

An anal fissure is a big deal. Get your ass to the doctor, ASAP. 

If you are already constipated, more fiber is just going to make things worse. It absorbs water, swells, and blocks things even more. If you are already cleared out, fiber can keep things open. But you need to be clear first.

Iron makes constipation worse. All of the ferrous salts, such as ferrous fumarate, ferrous gluconate, and many others, are very constipating. Carbonyl iron is not. I like Sundown Perfect Iron.

I don't take fiber supplements, and my veggie intake is just about zero. I eat a lot of protein and fat, and have no constipation. As Don said, extra fat helps, and it's delicious.

I am not constipated.  I go every morning.  It is just too hard and too big.  Feels like it is coming out sideways.  I'm just trying to figure out a way to smooth things out...I'm sure my fissure will heal as long as I stop aggravating it every morning by  passing a volkswagon microbus.

M