A Meeting to Remember or Forget ?

 Greetings to all:  Monday I attended my first group support meeting. I went with my 12 y/o daughter, so she could get a feel for some of the things I have to do before surgery. Well, let me tell you, it was a real eye opener the amount of people that were there. I mistakenly though these people were there to talk about their experiences with WLS, but no, they talked about drug use, alcoholism, love affairs and some eating disorders. Are these the subjects customarily dealt with at these meeting ? I felt somewhat out of place, like I was at a mental hospital and not at a WLS meeting.
Even my daughter said to me, Dad what are you doing here with all these crazy people, you know kids are very honest and speak their minds. We left before the meeting was over, because my daughter had homework to do.
Next week I have an appointment with my Nut and I will ask her if all these meeting follow this pattern of subjects or was I at the wrong meeting. 
I did meet one young lady of 24 y/o that had WLS ( VSG ), but gained all 100 pounds back, how does that happen ?  I think she did not follow the plan given to her. I have a feeling that after the shine wears off the gastric surgery, some people just go back to their old habits of eating and get in trouble. I don't want to be one of these people, that after suffering all these year with obesity, fall off the wagon and regain all my weight back. I thank God for OH and guy's like you that have helped me learn and understand the importance of staying on track. I know that after I get my surgery, I will surely need all the support and advice I can get from all of you. I am 64 y/o if i can get 20 more good years of life I'll be a happy camper.
PS: After hearing other peoples problems, I feel that I lead a simple, happy single life, as a full time single Daddy, I can't complaint about my life. So I did get something out of this meeting, that I'm a happy future WLS patient.
My Faith is what keeps me on the straight and narrow path of life.
 
88

 Hi 88,

Nobody else has chimed in so I will give it a go... I have never felt the need to, or attended a "support group" so take this for what it is worth. I think that "support" is where you find it, be it on this board or talking one on one with somebody you can identify with. Any segment of society has it's share of drug abusers, adulterers, and folks with an ED... a support group gives them a platform on which to talk about all their issues related or not. We talk here all the time about what a relief it is to be able to talk with guys who are in the same boat as us without all the drama found on other areas of this site. Secondly, I prefer to focus on those who have had success with their surgery. It has been said many times that the surgery does not fail the person, the person fails the surgery... that is how one gains back 100 pounds, they were not willing to permanently change their way of life. The surgery is a tool that helps you lose alot of weight quickly, if you go back to your old habits as soon as your body tolerates it you will fail the surgery. i think that is the main reason surgeons tell you to lose a specific amount of weight before the surgery can be scheduled... to gauge your willingness and determination to make a change in your old habits.

I have never been to a support group.  Mine doesn't require attendance.  Just an internet connection and a visit to www.obesityhelp.com/forums/men/  That is where I do my "support group".

As far as the stuff that went on at the one you went to.  Can't say if that is normal or not.  Sounds pretty wild though!!!

Hi: I totally agree with both of you, these meeting are not really helpful, to me they are confusing. I have gotten more out of visiting OH than any other place I have researched. It's not mandatory that I attend these meetings, it was just something I wanted to experience. What we newbies need are positive reinforcement not negativity. This whole week the more I thought about what I heard at that meeting the more I realized how much help some people need to function in this world. And mind you, we heartily touched the subject of WLS, most of the time was taken up by other personal topics. 
So, I will NOT be attending any more group meetings. From now and until I'm ready for surgery I will visit only with my Nut and surgeon. 
As always, thanks guy's for your support.

PS: I never want to FART do that again. 
 
88

This response isn't necessarily for everyone. I know that opinions vary, but I know where 88's heart is, so here's my take on the meetings.

I spent several months faithfully attending AA, and went to one obesity support group and found it to be the same rap. Generally they are not governed by any official, or by any specific world view. I found that since the group has no philosophical foundation the opinions and support came from all over the map. I finally came to a conclusion that people that do not have a Christian, Biblical world view would not be able to help me or be open to help by me. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone. I feel that everyone is messed up. But someone telling me they pray to their motorcycle for sobriety simply draws curiosity, not any type of understanding.

After trying earnestly to ignore the AA "higher source" jargon, I finally had to connect with Christian men. And I got a Christian psychologist.

Turns out (for me at least) that it doesn't matter what the issue is, the answer is the same. We as humans are weak sinners and will forever try to go it alone and walk in the flesh rather than in the spirit. I know that is a strange vocabulary choice for some, and would be glad to discuss it with any one that wants, but 88 knows what I mean, as do a lot of others I'm sure. I learned that it doesn't matter if it's food, booze, drugs, gambling, women ...whatever. The issue is wishing to put something else in the position that God wants to be in - aka front and center in your life.

It wasn't until I got introspection from a Christian counselor and the accountability that comes from a group of Christian men intent on transparency of their inner thoughts and wanting to uphold the Word of God, that I finally got some inner peace about the whole abuse thing.

Sermon over.

Pass the plate.

 

 

Hi: docd

Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from. When it comes to faith or political issues I limit my opinions, not wanting to offend or sound like I'm pushing my believes on anyone. This is not the right venue to express such personal subjects. But now that this topic is open, I will share my believes, I'm a born-again Evangelical Christian for the last 44 years. I gave my life to Jesus Christ as a young man and have never been ashamed of the Gospel. I attended Bible college for one year.

I pray that in the future, people that attend these WLS meetings get more out of them than I did. It's so gratifying to hear that your life is better, because of the right choices you have made. My Brother never let go of your faith, it's what this world needs, In God I trust.

No wars please, I come in peace.

 

88

Every support group has different dynamics. I belong to two different groups one is run by my doctors practice and the other is a group of post op patients that support each other. Two different perspectives and I find value from both.

My advice to you is not to give up on support. I think support is key to being successful. OH is a great mechanism and if you can't find the right group to match with your style of living at least stay here for support.

You might have caught that support group on a very touchy topic. I know once in a while my group gets to the point when we talk about transfer addictions. Pre op many of us are addicted to food. When you can no longer eat the way you did prior to surgery your addiction usually transfers to something else. The top transfer points are: Drugs, Gambling, Shopping and Sex. Transfer addictions are a very common occurrence with weight loss patients and you have to be aware of them.

There are many support groups out there. Find the right one that fits your lifestyle.

In regards to failing. It is possible to put the weight back on. They operate on our body not our mind. Although your capacity for eating garbage is reduced you can still eat the wrong things and put on weight. On the VSG forum you probably heard about slider foods. These are foods that don't fill you up and you can graze on all day. The bottom line is it's up to you if you eat dense protein ie chicken or slider foods like milk shakes and cookies.  

I think this is where support groups come into play. Let's face it we are human and from time to time we fall off of the wagon. The question is do you get back on or do you continue you're old habits. The support group helps you get back on the wagon when you fall off.
 
My philosophy is that my Sleeve gave me a second chance. The sleeve is just a tool. How you use your tool is up to you. I highly believe that support is crucial and it's another tool in your box. 

My docs never "required" that I attend monthly support group meetings. But, I did go for the first few months after surgery.

Each meeting had a different "theme" and often included a guest speaker. One month they dealt with the issue of head hunger. Another was on plastic surgery. They also had a great one on dealing with holiday parties.

I found them to be very helpful for me. And, I really enjoyed seeing the phyiscal changes in the group members. It was encouraging and was truly a support for me.

But, the meeting you described goes way beyond what I'd expect in a WLS support group. I'd probably would have left the meeting before it ended.