married life

Hi Guys:
My surgery is in about a month and a half and I was wondering, mostly because my wife is beginning to freak out a bit, how has the surgery and your weight loss changed your relationships with your spouse or SO?

Blake

 I'm sure you will get responses here, but you may want to check out the Sex Before and After WLS Forum.

Here are my thoughts.  If your marriage is good pre op it should be good post op.  If there were major problems pre op, those problems will be there and be intensified post op.  Just like when people think "our marriage has problems so let's go on a ship cruse to work out the problems"...On the cruse it just intensifies the problems...You are there with your mate almost 24-7!!  I know I really needed to reassure my wife that I'm committed to her post op.  She was committed to me when I was heavy (and stood beside me).  Men loose the weight faster than women (just a fact...we have a larger muscle structure).  When I lost a lot of weight I had really pretty women coming up to me and saying hello.  If you are not grounded in this stuff it can really throw you for a loop.  Beautiful women are making eye contact and smiling...Before they would give you extra room and treat you like you were a pervert or something...It can really mess with your mind.  Just continually let your wife know you are committed to her no matter what and you should be good.  Brian 

Great Post Brian!  You nailed it!

Well, to say that I put my now ex-wife through hell would be an understatement.  I was going through career issues and we were having relationship problems, from both sides, and then I get on the hormone dump from WLS.  Not purty at all.  My ex was a diabetic and wanted her RNY to get rid of that.  I was trying to get her to hold off till I was little further through and had more of the other issues resolved.  She went ahead with her RNY and maybe two-three weeks later I was out the door to GA.

FF three years.  We're still divorced but get along better than before.  Time and tempature permitting we go walking together.  Much to the chegrin of my last two now ex-girlfriends we still talk quite a bit.  Do I want to get back together?  Nope.  Does she, maybe, maybe not.  Do I want her to have a good life, you bet.  She wants the same for me.

Like Brian said if things are solid before you should be okay but if there are underlying issues they will come to the surface.

 

My wife has already told me that she will be pissed when I weigh less than her (she's 210)and I said, "that's not my problem" and she replied, "oh, yes it is!". It's all joking now, but I'll have to wait and see what really happens- we have a very stable relationship, and she has been super supportive with me. Neither one of us is going anywhere.

When was surgery, and much weight lost.  My sugery was Jan. 11 and I am at 230.   i started at 309.  Can't seem to loose stomach.  My wife also told me the same thing.  I already passed her, but she stills walks with me.  She lost some weight with walking with me.

It doesn't have to be bad, but just be aware that as you lose weight, the spotlight shifts a bit from the SO to you. And, sometimes that is hard on the partner. I know that it was a bit of an issue when my partner's cousin said that "Now Ken is the thin one and you're the fat one." There were some hurt feelings. It really pays to be aware of the situation and as has been mentioned, be especially caring and reassuring that you will be there.  

My wife had her bypass about 3 weeks after mine, so we went through this together.  Our marriage is better, mainly because we feel better about ourselves.  Our marriage has always been a good strong one.  We have also made a point on doing things as a couple.

Jim

Ditto what Brian said....
Weight was never an issue in our relationship. It did affect my confidence and image of myself to some extent, but never played a part in how we related to each other. My wife is my biggest cheer leader for the new and improved me.. but only because it makes me happier and healthier..   I haven't really noticed women falling all over me now that I'm thin lol,, but I'm so unaware of that stuff that I probably wouldn't even notice if it did happen.  TODAY we are celbrating our 35th wedding anniversary.  Our marraige is as stong as it ever was.. In my case WLS didn't have any impact at all.
J