Bad Picture Weekend

Saw some pictures taken over the weekend of me and realize that even though I've lost 100 lbs I hate having my picture taken now more than I did 100 lbs ago.  Reminded me that this is as much a mental and emotional journey as it is about learning to eat right and exercise.  Gotta emphasize the positive...  I've lost almost 100 lbs!!  I have lost almost 8 waist sizes, have more energy than I can remember having, have been exercising 3-4 times per week and will have coached 4 softball games this week.  Crazy, rollercoaster ride but my emotions have still got the best of me since seeing those pics tonight... 

Michael, I know how you feel.  When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see are the things that still need improvement.  I've got a bad case of Dunlop disease (belly done lopped over my waistline), my flabby moobs look worse than before (when they were disguised with all the other fat), and my inner thighs look like a badly eroded ravine...  It's hard not to be discouraged by that guy in the mirror.

That's why I'm so glad people on this forum bugged me into taking pictures every month or so, and hanging onto some of those early ones for comparison's sake.  When I look back at my "before" pictures, it's hard to believe it's me.  

It's kind of like riding your bike up a really long hill.  At some point, you get tired of the uphill slog, and you feel like you're never going to get to the top.  You feel almost like you're going backward.  But if you turn around and see how far up the hill you've already made it, you suddenly realize that you've come a long, long way, and that it's really not much farther to the top.  

That's what those "before" pictures do for me...  They help me realize how far I've come.  Yes, there are things that I don't like when I'm looking in the mirror, but when I compare the pictures taken at my son's wedding two weeks ago to the ones taken at my daughter's wedding 7 years ago, I realize how much closer I am now to reaching my ultimate goal.  

As others point out regularly, at some point this post-WLS journey becomes as much a "head game" as a physical thing.  Given the effort I've put into it, part of my head seems to think that the next time I look at the mirror, I'll see my head on a "greek god's" body.  The other half of my head tells me nothing has changed at all...  Neither is right, but it sometimes requires dragging out those old pictures and doing the "before" and "after" thing to get the proper perspective.  

One more thing...  I suspect you're wrong in thinking you hate having your picture taken more now than you did 100 lbs ago.  It's more probable that you've regained the ability to care about how you look.  120 lbs ago, I just didn't bother trying to dress well, because nothing I could do would make me look any better...  Now I do care about how I look, and when I wear clothes that fit, are in style, and are at least semi-flattering, I feel better about myself.  But inside, I don't feel all that different.  

Sometimes you just have to look back to see the way forward.

Great Post Jim and you are absolutely correct that I need to look at where I was and where I am now and where I am going.  I think you hit it right on the head about the picture thing.  100 lbs ago I wore everything baggy so that I would not accentuate anything and wore dark clothes because they looked better than light clothes.  When the pics were taken this past week that I didn't like I was wearing a new pair of properly sized coaches pants and a properly sized coaches shirt.  I did notice the moobs stand out more and I think that sent me into a tailspin of negative thoughts.  I went back and looked at the pics again and you know what they weren't that bad and if I compare to where I was last September when this journey began they actually show incredible progress.

You are 100% correct when you said "Sometimes you just have to look back to see the way forward".  The fact that I am now coaching both of girls on separate softball teams this year and am not sitting on the sidelines in an oversized folding chair is proof enough that this journey is well worth it.

Thanks again for your insights as they really make me feel better.

It's amazing how we are our own toughest critics.  I feel the same way and have only in the last couple weeks seen a signifigant difference in the mirror.  It's kinda kewl to to not have a ski jump anymore and I wouldn't trade the energy I've regained for anything.   Keep up the great work guys!!!

Yes, it is crazy how much of this journey is mind over matter.  You are so correct about seeing differences in the mirror and actually feeling bones again on your body.  Great job and you keep up the good work as well.  Thanks for the comments!

More so than the numbers going down on the scale or how I still look in pictures, what keeps me positive and following my program is the benefits I'm seeing in my quality of life.  I'm execising 6 days a week, can walk up stairs without pulling myself up on the handrail, I can go to a mall and try out clothes without getting hot and sweaty, last week I had lunch and sat in a booth....a booth I tell ya! 

I may never get to the point where I can say dayum I look good but I'm already at the point where I can say without a doubt I am so much better off and healthier.  You're doing outstanding Mike, keep up the good work.   

Yes Paul, you are absolutely correct.  I have more energy than I have had in years.  I am doing more things than I can remember doing which involve activity.  I am going to the gym again and feel great.  Thanks for the encouragement as it really feels a lot.  I know in my heart that I am much better off now and this is the best thing that I could have ever done at this point in my life.  Thanks again!!

 Hey Mike!

First, ditto to everything the other quys wrote.  And it is obvious from your replies to get it and understand this "mind game" we all have to deal with.  It really is so much more than weighing less or how we look.  It is a 'new lease on life' in how we feel.  Being able to move, have energy, exercise, be part of our kids/grandkids lives, yes, and even being able to sit in a booth or on an airplane without an extender.  Like Jim, as much as I may want to see my head on the body of a "greek god" that ain't gonna be my reality.  Even with some major plastic surgery, the scars would likely scar women and small children.  LOL.

Keep doing what you are doing and keep up the great work and attitude!  You have made FANTASTIC progress!  CONGRATS!

Mike G.

Thanks Mike and by putting it all into perspective makes the journey that much better.  You are correct that we are indeed getting a new lease on life, taking back control and the energy levels are through the roof.  Dealing with the mind games that we all play is just a part of it but with all of the help here on the forum makes it that much easier.  Thanks again!!