Advice to encourage my son

Hi there guys,

I know I shouldn't be posting here, but I need help from the 'guy' part of our lives...

I had my RNY surgery 7 months ago now. My son has seen the evidence of all my hard work and would like to 'follow in my footsteps'. He's almost 17 years old, stands 6'2" and weighs in at 298 lbs. He's terrified of being over 300 lbs again.

He begged me to help him understand how the dieting worked. I told him that it was a complete change in lifestyle and that diets ended while a lifestyle change is forever... he was completely geared to the lifestyle change.

In the past 2 months, he's followed my eating pattern but increased the amounts to a complete serving of everything instead of my little 1/2 cup of food. He puts protein first and everything else last. We limit the starches to a mouthful.. He's dropped close to 30 lbs in those two months... but lately I see that his enthusiasm is waning. He's getting tired of doing the deed. I know he's still growing and developing and I don't want to push him... he needs to want to do it for himself.

How do I encourage him to continue with the weight loss? I want to make it positive and not a negative thing for him... I grew up that way... everything about my weight was negative... I don't want that for him..

I keep wondering if a reward would be a good thing for him... Say if you drop the final two pounds to get to 39 lbs lost, we'll go to Vertically Challenged (a climbing facility about 2 hours away) one of his favorite places.. we don't get to go very much due to the time and cost..

Do you think that would encourage him to continue?

Do you think I should be doing something else? Any suggestions would be GREAT!!..

A little about us... I'm married with a darling hubby that has absolutely no clue about being overweight.. he's 5'9" and weighs in at 115 lbs.. As he gets older he keeps loosing a couple of pounds per month.. (I hate him for that.. but love him because of it.. lol)

I started my weight loss journey about 2 years ago. I didn't want surgery for the longest time. My clinic helped me loose over a hundred pounds, then I got absolutely terrified that it would all come back so I begged for the surgery... Best decision I ever made.

My son has no desire for the surgery and I don't really want him to have it... especially at his age... but he does want to loose the extra weight he has... he's at an age when girls are the prevailing thought in his mind 90% of the day...

Any advice would be a God Send... I want to help but I really don't want to be a 'smothering mama'.

Melody

I think that he has to want to do it first and foremost or it will never work.  Rewards would definately be helpful too.  I think the best thing you could do is find him a mentor the has lost the extra wieght of the same age that can relate to things at his age.

 Look at the Teen and Childhood Obesity Forum.  You can get information there on both surgical and non-surgical weight loss.  Then, your son can decide whether he wants to register so he can join in the discussions.  You or he can read a lot of info there without registering.

Has your son considered weight loss surgery? The VSG might be a good option for him.

Scott

You sound like a wonderful, insightful Mom!! Glad you've got him focused on diet because that's a major component in losing weight. And, I think the Vertically Challenged reward is great. Also like your comments about the lifestyle change and making the new eating a way of life.

Glad your son has no desire for surgery because at his age and size, I'm not sure he'd qualify. He's still young enough where the body might respond to non-surgical changes.

But, another factor to help with weight control is exercise. Does he participate in sports or have a work-out buddy at the local high school? That would be helpful. Doesn't always have to be weight lifting or stuff like that (unless he really likes it). Could be something as simple as jogging, running, basketball, etc. Even biking a few miles with his Dad could be helpful.

You mentioned his interest in girls. I'd recommend that he maybe talk to a female friend that is doing arobics, tai chi, stretching, etc. I bet they'd love to have a male friend join them in their exercise routine.

 You might try the ole approach of, "as long as you live in my house, you'll eat like I tell you to!"     

  But seriously ..  If you're thinking of encouraging him to have WLS, I don't know of any surgeons that  will do patients under 18 y.o. (except perhaps for LAP-band) ..   But heck, 290s is not bad, esp. for that height and his young age, IMHO ..  If he lost more than 50 or 60 lbs. he might actually look too thin, so I would think diet & exercise would be the way to go anyway and not WLS .. 

 I tried the "reward" thing with my daughter.  It didn't work out, because the incentive for weight loss needs to come from within.  Otherwise, it's a waste of their time and your money.  When she finally decided that she wanted to lose the weight herself, she got on a plan, stuck with it, and has done amazingly well.  Keep encouraging your son, but remember that he's still responsible for his own body - you cannot "make" him change.  Only he can do that.

You might want to have him take a look at LiveStrong.com or MyFitnessPal.com.  Both of these sites have tons of information about healthy living and eating, and the MyFitnessPal site has great tools for logging what you eat.  And that's about 1/2 the battle - becoming aware of what you're eating, and the tradeoffs that result.

Good luck to you and to your son!