Question from a newbie

Hello all,
I've been lurking here for about 6 months.  First, I want to thank everyone for their questions and comments over the last six months.  I've learned alot and am much more comfortable with my decision to have the surgery.

In that time I haven't seen anything about couples having surgery.  My wife and I are nearing the end of our 6 month supervised diet, we are both looking to have gastric bypass.  She wants us to have the surgery at the same time, I'm fine with that, but am concerned that the surgeon won't allow it.  We do have a very good support system in place.  Has anyone and their significant other had surgery at the same time?  If so, how did it work out? 

Finally, if we cannot have it at the same time, does anyone have an opinion on who should go first.  I have a bmi of 42 with several comorbidities, my wife has a bmi of 45 with no comorbidities.

Thanks to everyone on the board for your comments!

Chris

Hi Chris

The wife and I did rny about a month apart. I went first simply because all of my tests were done. I definitely feel that it has helped that we are both post op. My HMO was >60 hers 36. Both with comorbidities. I'd be happy to answer any questions.

hijack - I just wanted to say hi.  I am in Ledyard and have not seen anyone on the men's board from a neighboring town.  Good luck to you.

There was a study released last year that showed that when 2 family members have WLS close together they both have better results. The is an article and video here:

http://www.the33tv.com/news/kdaf-couples-weight-loss-story,0,5181088.story

They seem to think that spacing the surgeries is very helpful.

Ex-wife and I, notice I said "ex-wife", were four months apart.  Have to confess I/we had some other guff going on when she had hers.  I really tried to talk her into holding off till I was through all my issues but she went ahead and had hers done anyway.

My wife's RNY was about 3 weeks after mine.  Everything went so smoothly that we could have been done on the same day, but with the kids it was best not to have it the same day.  Having a wife as my built in support group is great and marriage is better than ever.

Good Luck

Jim

My 2 cents...FOR FREE!!  These are just my thoughts...Not a "Thus Sayeth The Lord" or anything like that.  I think you should go first followed by her 6-8 weeks following.  Here is why.  My wife had to nurse me for the first few weeks.  They were tough weeks...There is a healing process going on.  You could face things like strictures (RNY), dehydration, dumping.  These are usually seen early on.  It would be tough to serve someone when you are down for the count at the same time.  But after 2 months (men lose their weight quicker them women) you will have been out of the woods for the most common issues that could arise.  Also your energy by that time should have grown and grown.  I couldn't help my wife much the first month or so...After that...Clean the gutters??  Sure!!  Wash and vacuum the car...sure, no problem!!  But the first few months you will try and grab for energy and it just won't be there.  You'll be losing 5-10 pounds a week early on.  It really take a toll on the energy part early on...But then the energy comes back.  Being able to help your wife 30-40 pounds lighter (6-8 weeks) will be realistic.  Adding work to the mix makes it even tougher.  Before you could grab a Snickers Bar or something...But post op, it can be hard to find that energy.
Now for the sexist remark...Women in general are better nurturers.  I think you can nurture and serve your wife better when the weight is lost and any complications solved than vice versa.  Just me.

It isnt the same, but my wife had a C-section 4 weeks after my surgery. I know that if we had both of those on the same day or with in a closer timeframe it would have been brutal. Luckily i recovered quickly and was able to help out with her recovery. 

I have to think that the degree of post surgery issues are a real concern. Having had a fair amount of trouble with strictures, gall bladder, inability to tolerate food, etc., I cannot imagine having to deal with someone else with the same list of gripes. I really needed the support of someone not dealing with their own issues during that time.

Many people come through the surgery without these problems, but it is impossible to predict who will have trouble. So, my two cents is to separate the surgeries, but it is a personal decision. I'm too needy to help someone else when I don't feel well.