Post Surgery - Stress

Gentlemen,

I am new to this site, group, and certainly new to WLS...My Surgery was completed on 1/18/2011 and all things considered recovery has been going well. Until the last few nights spent alone...I have been going through a great deal of changes in my life and WLS is certainly the most significant. Changes with work have played a large roll in some of my isolation during the day as well. Previously working in an office and now working at home alone immediately following my surgery has left me with anxiety and feeling that I am on this journey alone...which is not a good feeling at 2am.

Over the past few nights I have been up reading the forum and have not registered until today. I see a large number of postings related to anxiety and fears prior to the procedure. I am reaching out to all of you for help regarding my anxieties and fears POST surgery...

I am single, No Kids, and no family in the immediate area for assistance (especially at 2am) for a quick conversation. Just from my readings over the past few days I see that many of you have a support group near or around you for help. I have many friends nearby but I think to myself that I can't be a burnden on them as well with my issues. (which in my mind seems normal...)

I find my mind running like crazy throughout the day over nonsense and feelings that I am attacking my new life alone or that I will be missing out on something...Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced these feelings?

Speaking with my sister she mentioned to me that she thinks that my underlying feelings are of humiliation or shame that I had to have WLS to achieve my goals...I am not certain if this is true but it is always better to take a look through someone elses eyes to reveal the truth. She is very straight to the point and I appreciate that...I told myself that I was only going to tell the people that are close to me that I was having WLS and all others can join the ride as I progress.

I will say however that all of your postings about your positive gains through each journey has been wonderful to read and has been comforting. I know I have long way to go and that things will certainly get better as time moves forward.

I want to get my head right so I am of fully prepared to take on the challenges ahead.

Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,

Jim

Yeah, there is the 1001 questions.  The "what have I done to myself"...selfdoubt.  After awhile it gets better and better usually.  For the next few weeks it will be trial and error.  Try and get to as many support groups as you can the first few months...very helpful.  Also look at the California Forum...Local people with insight.   Check out the California State Message Board!  Ask for support there and where the local support groups meet.
One last thing you may need to know and hasn't been talked about much here on this forum.  With the rapid weightloss you will release hormones into your blood system from your fat cell.  In these cells are estrogen!!  You will be going through a men's version of PMS.  For a guy who has never faced this before, it can really throw you for a loop..."Where did this come from?"  I feel like I'm falling apart.  All pretty normal.  If it is depression, then you need to let your doctor know.  Sometimes it hard being an island.  A study done a few years ago said that 70% of US men do not have 1 close personal male friend!!  I don't know why...but with the internet it becomes even more so.  Good luck on your WLS and thanks for sharing some of your struggle.  Brian

"...With the rapid weightloss you will release hormones into your blood system from your fat cell.  In these cells are estrogen!!  You will be going through a men's version of PMS."

Brian, I knew WLS affected moods but you've really opened by eyes on this one. Never heard it referred to as the men's version of PMS. Great analogy.

Jim, welcome to the group and you ask some interesting questions. It sounds like our lives are somewhat similar because I'm currently single and no kids. While I do have some immediate family in the neighborhood, they are super involved with their own lives and I often feel that I'm on my own. They're supportive of my surgery and would help me out in a heart beat if I needed something. But, it's not like we talk on the phone several times a day and I share my deepest thoughts with them.

Other than immediate family, I too only told 2 close friends. Didn't feel the need to announce it to the world. However, everyone at work was aware since I'm 1 of 4 people to have WLS in 2010.

What you've described in your post sounds very much like my situation 12 years ago. I was living in an area where I didn't have close friends or family. I was isolating myself and would only leave the house to go to work. I did my grocery shopping at 11:00 p.m. to avoid being around people. It wasn't unusual for me to get home from work on Friday night and not venture out again until I went to work on Monday.

I also found my thoughts racing , difficulting concentrating, and a lot of mental mind games (what I called "mind f*cking).

Finally got sick and tired of that lifestyle and went to a mental health professional. I spent a few months on some very serious drugs and they were a big help.

I do know several women in my local support group have talked about mood swings post-surgery.  From what they (and the docs) indicate, this type of surgery can affect hormonal balance. It hasn't happened to me, but I'd sure explore those possibilities with your doctor.

The WLS facility where I had surgery also has group therapy with a LCSW who also has WLS. There is a whole lot of "head" issues that can surface after WLS and I've attended some of those classes and found them helpful.

Your sister may be correct that you're dealing with some underlying feelings. Best to get your hormone levels checked, consider possible medication changes, or get a therapist. You're just starting a new life and now you need to get your mind and your body in sync.

Keep us posted on your progress.

Guys,

Thank you for the quick replies to my questions. I appreciate the input and feel better that it may be some type of imbalance from the start of the weight loss. I do have a follow up visit with my Dr on Friday and intend to have this discussion with them as well to certainly make my concerns known and open things up for suggestions.

I decided to open up to my friends this evening as well to let them know what was going on in my think skull...They are very helpful and offered their support in anyway possible so that is a relief to me as well.

I needed an avenue to vent and to express my thoughts and this site and group seemed to be the best start.

I just wanted to make sure that I was not over reacting or making something out of nothing.

I appreciate all of the help!

Jim

When you are at the doc tomorow ask his office where and when the local support groups meet.  What you are going through is normal, even though I am married and I share almost everything with my wife, some of those same feelings I kept to myself because I didn't want to look week.  Another thing that helped me was a prescription for sleepng pills so my mind could get a break.  Once you can give your mind a good rest things are easier to sort out.

We are here for you, I am glad you found us.  Keep your head up, siping water, and getting in as much protein as possible.

 I agree with the others who suggested that you may want to see a therapist to talk through some of your feelings.  Although your sister may be right about there being underlying causes, she is not qualified to diagnose you.  She may totally get wrong what is bothering you.   You would be best talking to a therapist or even to a minister about what may be causing you humiliation or shame.  Many people have feelings of guilt,,but guilt and shame are different and you may want to discuss that with someone other than your sister.  

Post here as often as you need to.  Sometimes this forum runs a little slow, so you may want to check other forums if you need a quick response.  You may post here at 2:00am and not get a response until sometime during the day.  If you just need to talk to some one about WLS or diet, you may want to check the Main Forum because it runs very quickly.  However, you'll probably want to discus male issues here.  You can be much more frank here and not offend most of us ( even me).

 I can sympathize with you John. I too am single and live alone far away from my family. I too know that the WLS journey is something that I will have to face alone for the most part. I've told my family and a few coworkers and I know I can expect some support, but on those really hard days and moments (like your going through at 2 am) it's just going to be me. 

You shouldn't feel any shame in what you've done. I've found that society has a tendency to shame us for being fat and then ridicule us when we try to lose weight. I'm sure all of us have gotten derisive looks the first time we walk into a gym or try buying healthy foods. There is no satisfying them, so don't even try or worry about them. What you've done you've done for you and all others be damned. 

This is the beginning of a new life and a new you. The man you were will quite literally disappear over the next several months. It's no coincidence that I've chosen to refer to the beginning of my WLS journey as my Renaissance, my rebirth into a new life. Any change of this nature and magnitude is going to have a profound effect on your mind. The mental issues alone will be enough, compounded with the hormones and the physical reaction your body takes to weight loss, it's a tough road. Seek the help you need to help support you through this journey, be they medication or counseling. I am learning that the hardest part of WLS isn't the physical, but the mental aspect. It is the hardest thing many of us will ever do, and something many people could never do. 

Be proud of what you've accomplished, the man you are, and the man you will become. Obesity and weight loss is a beast of a different color when it comes to men. All of us know what your going through and can offer our support as you need it. 

Guys,

I certainly do plan on voicing my issues tomorrow at my follow up appointment and I do hope that there is an easy solution to this.

I would agree that my sister certainly is not qualified to speak to me about what the underlying issues are in my life as well as in my journey with WLS...I just needed some guidance from someone to help me get my head on straight. Right or wrong having the ability to voice concerns and receive some feed back is a good thing.

Are there any suggestions on where to start for local forums? I know that the facility runs a support group everyonther week but I am 50+ miles away and it makes it a bit difficult to get out there and attend this session.

I know I know...excuses are like a@#holes, everyones got one and they all stink... I will just have to find a route to make certain things happen.

Thanks Guys,
Jim

What city are you in or near?