When the numbers don't work (xpost)

So I have been here posting and such for a while now and discussed my complications which are really I nonissue at this point. I have been through a number of stalls and no in my brain that they happen and even try and be a positive voice when others are frustrated from going through them. For the most part I try to be pretty positive about my experience both personally and publicly, but every other month or so things do get to me and I am thinking this is one of those weeks. So let me give a bit of information about myself that explains why my brain needs things to work a certain way.   I design analytical systems for companies. I take their entire data slam it together in a manner that lets them report on the most detailed ways you can probably think of. Company X wants to know Sales of Product X for Married people and then add age, zip, income, hell even eye color if they have that information. In these types of systems things always work the same x+y will always equal z unless what the underlying value of x or y is changes.   Now this is where this whole process frustrates me in my extremely analytical mind. To lose 1 pound I need to burn 3500 calories My RMR without activity level is 1973 calories now I average about a 2000 calorie a week exercise routine (5K 3 days a week, weight training 5 days a week and TKD 2-3 times a week). This brings my estimated total calorie burn to (1973 * 7) + 2000 = 15811 calories burned  a week.  I average about 1000 calories a day bringing me to a caloric intake of 7000 calories. When I calculate my estimated caloric deficit 15811-7000 I get deficit of 8811 which should be 2.51 pounds. So my wonderfully annoying analytical brain is sitting here saying then why for the past 3 weeks am I bouncing back and forth between the same 3 pounds. The part that makes it really difficult is that over the holidays I didn’t hit the gym but enjoyed my time with my family, who I don’t see much on a daily basis maybe 2 hours on weekdays, and I lost 3 pounds over those 2 weeks and my first week back at the gym I gain them back.   I know the above numbers are all some theoretical formula and that our bodies don’t follow the rules on a consistent basis if ever. This week has just been a very difficult week for a number of other reasons probably the biggest is this week is supposed to be my dad’s birthday, but 6 years ago he committed suicide which for the past year I have actually finally been able to deal with to a point it does not affect me. The comments from family about my appearance since losing so much weight are how much I look like my dad. So this week I decide to do what seems like most of us men with resident facial hair do after losing weight, yes I shaved my goatee to see what my face looks like (the answer is a dork). Well upon seeing this my Mother, sister and Sister in law all started tearing up and were unable to talk because yes as much as I would like to deny it I do look like my dad. This realization has pretty much let everything I have been able to let go of the past year, because the focus had been on me and getting my surgery and then dealing with it after, back in.   My workout today was total crap I did finish my entire commitment on the treadmill but I can say it took every ounce of effort I had to not quit before I hit my time commitment, and now my body feels like total crap.                 I know deep down that the way my weight loss is going is completely normal and that to have lost 80 pounds in 5 months is something to be proud of, along with everything else I have accomplished in the past 5 months, but for some reason this week these victories just aren’t doing it. I know the easy answer is to step away from the scale, but as many know this is something easier said than done. The evil little voice in my head keeps reminding me that when I was living on 500-600 calories a day I was losing weight so maybe I should go back to that, but I know that is not the healthy thing to do. So the question I have to answer is “Is this journey about losing weight or gaining health and a life?" unfortunately when I look in the mirror and the scale it is losing weight. I don’t see a Skinnier person as I have said before I don’t see a month to month difference I see Big Fat me and not as fat me, and when what I see is still a fat guy it becomes about weight. When I don’t have to take pills for all the health issues I had before surgery or I finish a 5K it is about Health.   Just a vent as this week sucks, and I hate my brain.

Paul,
The stalls are normal bro. The best thing you can do is put the scale away for a while. YZour body is trying to reset itsself. My advice is usually when I hit a stall and thought I should eat less I added calories and that seemed to work. Your doing great!

Paul, it is time to train your brain to focus on something other than your weight loss and body image.  You are down 80 pounds and you should be able to start to be a very active guy.  Fill your life with a hobby or join a volunteer organization.  Keep your mind, body and life so busy that you don't have time to reflect.

When you were heavy what were the things that you wished you could do but wouldn't try it because of your weight.  Start now.

Rapid weight loss during the first 6 months is the easy part, starting your new lifestyle and dumping the old is the hard part.  We are here for you.

Thanks for the responses.  I have added a lot of activity to my post surgery life that I had only thought of prior to surgery.

I have taking up running, which this year to meet my goals will have me doing 1 official 5K a month and a massive 10K in July.  I had always wanted to take martial art classes and am now working through my belts in ATA Tae Kwon Do and for the most part having a lot of fun doing both.  For the running I am not the fastest person and am not the slowest person and I always manage to finish, I just don't believe in giving up.  The TKD I do with my 2 sons who even have to help Dad remember the forms or how to do a block or punch.

I am having a blast enjoying my new life but every now and then I do hit a funk and it is the type of thing that people who haven't been on this path really don't understand, hell I had someone the other day tell me I am to skinny.

So please don't get me wrong I am living life for the first time in more years than can remember.

I understand your post is out of frustration, sadness, and maybe even a little anger. I haven't known you long, but know enough about your journey to tell you that you inspire me. I'm also in a stall, and still see 'not so fat' Chad in the mirror.

I hope to join you in your distance runs shortly, but I still suck at running.

Thank you for your posts, and your honesty.

I know you're frustrated at this point, but it'll pass. Your accomplishments are unparallelled, and deserve major pats on the back.

Have a great (albeit cold) weekend,
Chad

 Hey Paul, 

It is so normal to have a bad day or week, even with this new wonderful life we all enjoy.  Seems like it can be a combination of things and it just gets compounded by the scale not moving or something as silly or stupid as eating "Nutter Butter Cookies" and then felling like crap the rest of the day (see my post from earlier today).  As several of the WLS veterans have posted, this whole "new" body and life can really screw with your head sometimes.

Like you, I am an analytical numbers guy.  I tend to be very logical and methodical.  And when things don't work according to the formula or program, yea, it can be maddening.   You should see my excel spreadsheet of my running training plan, including my BMI/BMR calculations.  I am learning one of the keys to success both in the weight loss and running training is some flexibility.

Then, when you throw in some of the emotional stuff of dealing with the loss of your Dad and your families reaction to your weight loss and you looking like your Dad, yea, sounds like a pretty crappy week!

So, pick yourself up, go do some TKD moves or go for a run!  Relax...it's now the weekend and you've survived!  You really have accomplished a lot and have made great progress!  Keep it up and Hand in There!  

Have a great weekend!

Mike

p.s. one last piece of advice...stay away from Nutter Butter Cookies...they are killers!

Hang in there buddy the scales will start moving again! 80lbs in 5 months is no easy task. My guess is that you may not have gained all your excess weight in one year.

If you want something to snap your head around, look at how much weight I still have to lose and I have been on high protein for 13 months. If I can average 8+lbs a month I will lose 100 lbs in a year and I am still losing more than that.

I did have a 3 week stall about 8 weeks after my surgery but i attribute that to the 90lbs I lost prior to surgery.

I right there with ya...for the long haul -- I expect no immediate weight loss, day to day, my focus is on the end result. If you were to ask me when that will be? My answer to you is the same I made to my Dr. I'll get there when I'm there because I have no END date. As mentioned before I eat to live, daily, just like every WLS recipient.

As a side note if you heard that eating 1000 calories will make you lose weight...it works much better if it is protein and not 1000 calories of carbs.
Keep carbs to a minimum, maximize protein, increase your water intake and weigh one week from now. You will be amazed!
Good luck on your continued journey!

Paul,

What they don't tell you when you start the process to get WLS is that this it can play absolute total hell on your noggin.  I'll cut to the chase - ain't no shame in your game to get some professional help! 

 I wasn't a slave to the scale while I was gaining weight so I don't see any reason to become one while losing weight.  I know at WW, you get weighed once a week.. I used to go to OA and they suggested once a month.  By the time I had RNY , I was in the mid 570 range and there were very few scales that I could even get on.  So, I was limited in using a scale.

Last year, I was losing weight and became conscious of weight I was trying to lose.  I finally tried limiting myself to getting weighed once a month.  I never failed to lose until I finally celbrated losing 50 lbs by eatingfood I should have avoided.  Enjoy you post-op journey.  Don;t sweat it at this point.  you will continue to lose weight.  Bob