Fighting Food Addiction again

Yeah, here I go again.  However, instead of trying to live addiction free a day at a time, I'm now at the point where I have to work at being addiction free an hour at a time.  I call being free from my addictive foods abstinence ( in the same manner as Catholics used to call meat-free Fridays abstinence).  I hope I didn't confuse anyone with that last statement.  Well, I've been abstinent for 4 hours.  I've had strecthes where I haven't eaten at all for 4 hours in the past year when I've had to be fasting for blood work.  It's not the same thing.  I did have a "clean" breakfast where I got protein, whole grains, fruit, a  little dairy and a little fat.  It was balanced meal.  I'll have my protein snacks throughout the day.  But, I am concentrating on being abstinent an hour at a time.

It's similar to the saying that a "journey begins with a single step."  Being abstinent for an hour is my individual step.

I've been through this enough times not to project how long I can do this.  It's hard for me to rattle my brain and realize that time only exists right now for this sort of journey.  Can I slip and fall off my abstinate adventure?  Of course I can but I'm not planning on making excuses now.

Hopefully,  my hours of abstinence will turn into days of abstinence.  I know it can be done because I did it for about 4.5 months last year.  An hour at a time for now, a day at a time in the future, and, hopefully, extended periods of time after that.

I recently heard from one of the really old timers in OH.  I thought that she had had abstinate post-op living for the past 10 years.  I found out that she had slipped, briefly, a few times over the years.  Just knowing that fact was also encouraging. 

I know that I can't demand long-term perfection of myself (it's a trap for anyone who suffers from depression), because I have a tendency to totally fall apart when I fail to be perfect at some task.  But, I can try for an hour at a time.  Bob

 Bob - I do wish you well in your hour-by-hour battle.  The biggest difference between addiction to food vs alcohol or drugs is you CAN live without alcohol or drugs.  In spite of our addiction to food, we still have to eat the "right" foods to stay healthy.

If i may be so bold, it looks like it has been several years since your RNY.  I have a few questions for you...

What is your current weight?  
How much did you originally lose and how much if any have you been able to keep off?
What are you doing as far as exercise now?
When was the last time you were in contact with your Dr or team?

Part of this forum, as i understand it, is to provide support to each other.  I know there are several of us are not even to the one year stage yet.  By your sharing, you are turning your trials and battle into something very positive that we all can learn from.

Thank you for sharing and again, I wish you well and all the best!

Mike

I had my original RNY on 11-14-2000 and went from 575 to 336 within 18 months.  Then I started to regain some weight but my surgeon said that was normal.  The amount I regained was not normal.  I was unable to exercise back then.  I was bedridden following the surgery for almost 4 months and had difficulty even walking in my house.  For the first year post-op I couldn't go to church and had a Eucharistic minister visit me weekly.

In the summer of 2004, my primary had me scoped prior to possible surgery.  At that time, the internist found out that I had a staple line disruption and the effect was as if I had never had the RNY.  I needed a revision but my original surgeon no longer accepted my ins.  I ended up going to U of Penn and had the surgery on 01-21-05.  Please remember that I am manic-depressive and that condition does affect all aspects of my life.  I weighed 426 at the time of the 2nd RNY and was down to 380 when I went in for a follow-up about 6 weeks later.  The surgeon was satisfied but either the nurse or nutritionist seemed to berate me for my poor loss of weight.  That pissed me off and I never went back for any more follow-ups.  I could have sworn that she berated me, but I soon found that I was clinically depressed and that my antidepressants weren't working properly.  However, I was receiving the max dosage of that type of antidepressant and my psychiatrist wouldn't allow me to change antidepressants until Oct.  He weaned me off the old pills and brought in a different script over the course of a month.  I had to go to outpatient counseling at a local rehab hospital and see staff psychiatrist every week.  I hated that place and swore I'd rather kill myself than go there again.  I hope it never comes to that.  Anyway, the new script worked fine.

I started doing aquasize in a local gym in 2006 and soon lost 20 lbs.  However, I fell in their parking lot and they terminated my contract with them  I really can't walk much.  The following year I tried doing the same thing at the local YMCA but they use a different ratio in their chemicals and it dries out my skin.  I'm prone to skin ulcers anyway and can't use the pool when they're open.  So, I had to terminate that membership.

I usually walk with a cane or a rollator ( a walker with wheels and a built-in seat) but I don't walk much.
This fall I started using my exercycle by bringing it close to my chair and pedalling on an incline ( due to severe lymphedema I can't sit on the regular bicycle seat),  I've been building that up as far as duration since Oct.  And, I'm feeling better.  I have it set up in my TV room so I can watch the games and other entertainment.  When I'm done, I can wheel it out of the way.

I regularly see my primary about 4-6 times a year.  I see my cardiologist 4 times a year also.  The shrink is every two months and a podiatrist as freequently.  I see a pulmonary specialist once a year and a urologist twice a year.  But, I suspect that's not the team you are talking about.  I haven't been back to the U of Penn in over 5 years.  They have a support group but I don't like driving into Philly.  There is a support group in a local hospital but the last time I went, they were charging $1,200 as a life-time fee to go there.  I can't afford that.  So, ObesityHelp.com is my support group.  I check in to the Men's Forum daily if not more often.  And, I sometimes look at a few other forums.  By the way, I'm back down to 337 and I generally get weighed once a month.

I try to be positive in my responses.  I've experienced the mistakes in recovery and can warn others about some of them.  Thanks for your sharing and support.  Bob

 Bob, 

Your's really has been a wild ride!  You have the "right" attitude and out-look  by dealing with your food addiction on an hour-by-hour basis.  For so many of us guys, this forum is a great support group.  I'm glad you are coming here daily to get the support and encouragement you (we all) need.

I wish you success and all the best!

Mike