Doing this for me

So, as I posted in an earlier topic, my wife has not been a substainial place for support even though I thought she would be in the beginning.  Well I've talked to her and haven't really gotten anywhere, she still wants fast food, still tells me its ok that I have fast food, and overall don't really care or show any support in my efforts towards eating better or exercising.  I'm beginning to think there may be some jealousy issues because shes overweight too and always begs me to tell her my number when I weigh in but then turns around and makes some comment about her weight being too much. 

Well I have had enough, after the last post I went back to my surgeons support group, I've started looking around online more for people in my place and I've starting communicating with a few facebook friends who are working on postive lifestyles changes too as a means of accountibility.  I finally came to my senses and realized that I already went through surgery, I've done too much to waste the honeymoon period, and its time to act like a damn man and do what I got to do for me.

I know I can make it through this journey but beginning to wonder if there will be a causuality to this.....  I'll be around this board more often as I continue to push through these mental blocks for me

-Josh

Sorry to hear that Josh as support from one's partner is so important with something like this.  Does your surgeon use a bariatric psychologist?  If so, you may want to strongly consider couple's therapy with him/her to delve into these issues deeper to find understanding and solutions.  Your long term relationship survival may hinge on this issue.

No bariatric psychologist, and I've suggested going to therapy together, but so far no go.  I'm being as patient and understanding as I can be, as I do realize it wasn't her decision for me to have this and that there is no actual way for her to understand my frustrations becuase she isn't going through it.  I want to save our relationship but I am not longer going to let her stand in the way of using my tool either.

-Josh

Sorry to hear about this.  I had my fair share of issues with my wife during the early part of my journey as well.  Little comments and her telling me to stop losing weight, etc.  I think it came from her own frustration with her weight.  But one thing i never did, and nor should you, is allow that to effect your progress!  This surgery is/was risky and to not work the tool to it's fullest potential would be a shame, as you've gone through so much to come out on the other side.  You have to look out for #1, it took me 31 years to realize that, but i promise you that the last 2 months have taught me that i have to put myself first and stop living life for others....

I'm now going through a divorce/seperation, but it's due to other issues and not really due to the afformentioned issues.  But relationships can often be a casuality of this journey, especially if the foundation wasn't strong BEFORE the surgery (as in my case).  I hope everything works out and you guys can salvage what you have, if that's what you want.  But try to put yourself, your health, and your goals FIRST.....at the end of the day you want to be happy and proud of your success.  Take care.

A few thoughts...My wife stood beside me when I was heavy...I want her to know I'm standing by her when I'm skinny.  Your wife needs to know that you'll be there no matter her or your weight...She may be worrying you're going to leave her once you lose all that weight.  I really would encourage her to go to the support groups with you for the first few months...It really made a difference with our marriage.  I also encouraged my wife to read any of my posts on OH.  I don't have any woman on my friends list here...Don't want my wife asking "Who's she!!"  I remember getting on the scale daily and saying things like..."I'm down another 2 pounds"!!  After awhile that can get old and can really take a toll on a marriage.  I also remember asking things like "are those your pants (or shirt) or are they mine?"...That was another blow...not intentional...but none the less it hurt.  My wife and I (since WLS) eat different things...We are use to it now.  We eat a lot of the same stuff...but I have my special food and she understands...Things like Wendy's Chili...protein shakes...crock pot stews (beef and vegetables).  The marriage was a work in progress...and still is.  Brian 

Our marriage was rocky b4 WLS and after it it went south. Not sure if WLS had that much to do with it or not.
I do know that it was my WLS and I had to live with it married or not.
I am� wrestling with lab� results and my PCP is giving me a new diet
Hang in there and good luck - - keep posting

That sucks bro. Maybe she's what I heard called an "enabler". We're all here for you. 

Josh,

I dont have a wife but had two close friends who are overweight fly the coop. When I spoke to them about my choice they both told me, its your choice so dont include me in it.. I have not talked to them in over a year.

Check out the forum OH has for your state and see if there is anyone in your area. 

We are here for you bud. I would not have been able to do it without this forum. A lot of great info on here. If you get bored with food choices hop over to the recipe forum. Those ladies post a lot of friendly options that are easy.

Thanks guys for the encouragement and support, just seems like some days are worse than others.  I'm committed to seeing this through though and I'm working everyday to improve something. 

I just started the couch to 5k program this week, thats all about me.  I feel good, and Its settling in that I can do hard things.  So Im just going to keep pushing and trying to get faster, stronger, or just loose weight every week becuase thats all I can do.  I've started food journaling and measuring out my portions, to keep me honest and following my surgeons plan. 

I'm going to do this, I'm only 25 I got a whole lot more in me than giving up on myself again.  I'm ready for what ever is coming, I dont know how this year will go, but I do know I'll be better than when I started it.

I'm working on the marriage too, because it is important to me, to have her around.  But right now its just one day at a time, to get through this.

-Josh