Weight Loss and Relationships

How has your weightloss impacted your relationships with significant others....please tell me the good and the bad !

You may not believe it but this is a very broad question.  It depends on how you handle the first 6 or 7 months of the weight loss.  

The horemone dump at about 4 months post opp can kill a marriage if you do not understand what is happening to you.

For me, I had WLS after 23 years of marriage.  I have now been married 28 years.

The Good:

chances of living into retirement with my wife are much better.
sex is better
we live a much healthier and active lifestyle.

the bad:

Wife was pissed when I weighed lighter than her.

My thoughts:

If the weight loss ruins your marriage it is just ending something a little sooner than it was probably going anyway.

THE GOOD:  Energy, energy, energy!  You'll need less sleep and function better, you'll want be more active.  You'll be able to help your significant other (and family if you have one) out more.  You'll set a good example on what to eat and portion sizes the rest of your family.  Your confidence will return, and if you can keep the ****iness out, the confidence should be a turn on.  When you feel good, generally, that rubs off on the people around you.

THE BAD:  Sadly, my temper has increased.  I'm struggling to figure out why, I participate in bariatric support groups to help me figure out why.  I'm well aware of the hormone dump, but I never thought I'd have this reaction.  I expected (and prepared myself and my wife) to be an emotional sissy... I never expected to turn into someone with a high temper, low tolerance, and low patience.  That has had a serious negative affect om my marriage.  Also, my weight loss is affecting my wife as the weight poundage gap between us is closing quickly.  This, obviously, has affected her in a negative way.  I encourage you to have a honest (and very frank) conversation these types things with your significant other.  It can save you both alot of struggle later on down the line.  Learn from my mistakes.  Lastly, don't let the compliments from other women go to your head... make no mistake, they WILL notice you.

My wife didn't want to mess with it much when I was 450 and she was 150. Which was understandable. Now she doesn't want to mess with it much now that I'm 260 and she's 180. Which I don't understand as much. Going from being super-morbidly obese to being merely obese doesn't solve your bedroom problems. But it does allow you to reach your junk so that you can solve your own problems a little easier.

I just spit my lunch all over the keyboard... freaking halarious!!

Being thinner is better on all fronts. My wife and I do things together now. I don't feel guilty about NOT doing things with her. She is losing weight her own way. 

I've seen it stated as "WLS can make a good relationship better and a bad relationship worse".  My wife and I had RNY fifteen days apart and it's been a blessing.

Duane

After the first few weeks of WLS the mental side becomes harder that the physical side.  You really need to have your head on straight or this oneor youwill have major problems.  You get treated different in society...No it's not fair but it happens.  You get treated better in business situations (people think since you have your weight under control...you must have the rest of your life that way).  Beautiful women will make eye contact and say "hello"...That one really throws you.  Before they would give me extra room like I was a pervert or something...moving a little further away as our paths cross.  This stuff can really mess with your head...You're thinking "I'm the same person inside...why are you treating me different"??  Brian  PS...You are a guy?  Can we have a first name please...

The good:  I have lots more energy to do things with my wife and kids.  The increase in quality of life is awesome.

The bad:  like some of the others said, handling the psychological changes that come with WLS.  The hormone dump is for real; it can create havoc on the best of marriages.  I've had difficulty at times adjusting to not having food as a crutch to help me get by when things get stressful.  This is also tough on a relationship.  I have had to work hard to handle stress in a healthy manner.  Its not always easy teaching an old dog new tricks.  We hit a rough spot in our marriage b/c of this; it is still a work in progress but getting better.

Bottom line:  I'd do it again tomorrow, no regrets.