O.K. - THIS Might Get Us Talkin' On Here
I know the MF has been slow of late .. Maybe this question will stir things up a bit.
I need some advice on how to handle a strange "relationship issue", and I mean STRANGE.
Here's the situation.
Last Sunday afternoon I get a call and rather odd message left on my home phone (my # is listed, btw, which is probably not a good idea in this day and age
). At first I thought it must have been a wrong #, b/c the caller was a somewhat strange sounding gal with a funky name I didn't recognize (it was something along the lines of a stripper's stage name, like "Autumn Waves"). However, then the caller called me by name (first) while leaving the message. Even odder, I noticed from the caller I.D. that the # showed the call came from a little town just a few miles from the even smaller town I lived and went to high school in back in another state. 
The caller asked me to call them back.
Adding these clues all up, it slowly dawned on me who the caller very likely was. I had heard rumours that my best bud from high school - Steve - had, in recent years, apparently decided God made a mistake with his gender and decided to set things straight, so to speak (no idea whether he went under the knife or not to do so). I heard he had adopted or changed his name to something completely different and really feminine.
Amazingly, my sources had told me that Steve decided to hang around the small town he was in after his transformation, and even work in the same factory he had always worked in. His parents and sister also still live in that town, apparently, but rumour had it that they have subsequently disowned him. 
I don't know what to do, not sure how to handle things, and for now have Steve's phone # on block with my caller I.D. blocker. First, I have a ton of questions about why he would do what he did, and why he has gone about doing it as he has. Although he was kind of a loner in high school, he certainly gave no indication he was a gal in any way. Not real macho, I guess, but he did wear the greased, parted short hair look -- ultra conservative. He was pretty artsy though, and could draw almost anything with a pencil. (Ironically, he was also one of the "lockerroom studs", I have to say.
) No idea either why he didn't supposedly find any of this out until age 40 or so. Also I'm stumped as to why he would adopt such a wildly exotic F name. It seems it would be more logical to just "modify" his original name somewhat (e.g. to "Stevie"). And then finally, why stay around in your small town where everybody knows the "old" you? You'd think he would have moved ou to L.A. or some big city to begin life again under his new "identity". I can only imagine the ribbing, snickers, etc. he must take from the locals and his co-workers. 
I just don't see any way I can continue to be Steve's friend .. He is NOT the same person I knew and shared adventures with back in those days.
I would feel as though I were talking to some android or alien that has taken over Steve's body or something. Very uncomfortable and surreal. We have nothing in common now other than those memories, sad to say.
What do you guys think and suggest? Have any of you ever been in this situation?
I need some advice on how to handle a strange "relationship issue", and I mean STRANGE.
Here's the situation.Last Sunday afternoon I get a call and rather odd message left on my home phone (my # is listed, btw, which is probably not a good idea in this day and age
). At first I thought it must have been a wrong #, b/c the caller was a somewhat strange sounding gal with a funky name I didn't recognize (it was something along the lines of a stripper's stage name, like "Autumn Waves"). However, then the caller called me by name (first) while leaving the message. Even odder, I noticed from the caller I.D. that the # showed the call came from a little town just a few miles from the even smaller town I lived and went to high school in back in another state. The caller asked me to call them back.Adding these clues all up, it slowly dawned on me who the caller very likely was. I had heard rumours that my best bud from high school - Steve - had, in recent years, apparently decided God made a mistake with his gender and decided to set things straight, so to speak (no idea whether he went under the knife or not to do so). I heard he had adopted or changed his name to something completely different and really feminine.
Amazingly, my sources had told me that Steve decided to hang around the small town he was in after his transformation, and even work in the same factory he had always worked in. His parents and sister also still live in that town, apparently, but rumour had it that they have subsequently disowned him. I don't know what to do, not sure how to handle things, and for now have Steve's phone # on block with my caller I.D. blocker. First, I have a ton of questions about why he would do what he did, and why he has gone about doing it as he has. Although he was kind of a loner in high school, he certainly gave no indication he was a gal in any way. Not real macho, I guess, but he did wear the greased, parted short hair look -- ultra conservative. He was pretty artsy though, and could draw almost anything with a pencil. (Ironically, he was also one of the "lockerroom studs", I have to say.
) No idea either why he didn't supposedly find any of this out until age 40 or so. Also I'm stumped as to why he would adopt such a wildly exotic F name. It seems it would be more logical to just "modify" his original name somewhat (e.g. to "Stevie"). And then finally, why stay around in your small town where everybody knows the "old" you? You'd think he would have moved ou to L.A. or some big city to begin life again under his new "identity". I can only imagine the ribbing, snickers, etc. he must take from the locals and his co-workers. I just don't see any way I can continue to be Steve's friend .. He is NOT the same person I knew and shared adventures with back in those days.
I would feel as though I were talking to some android or alien that has taken over Steve's body or something. Very uncomfortable and surreal. We have nothing in common now other than those memories, sad to say. What do you guys think and suggest? Have any of you ever been in this situation?
Frank talk about the DS / "All I ever wanted to be was thin, like that Rolling Stones dude ... "
HW/461 LW/251 GW/189 CW/274 (yep, a DS semi-failure - it happens :-( )
I may take an unpopular stance....as most guys I know wouldn't react this way...but here goes.
Although i've never specifically been in this situation, here would be my take on it :
1) I''m pretty sure that this guy didn't wake up one day and just decide on these major changes. It just doesn't happen like that, so that means he's always been struggling with this---all his life most likely---even when you knew him back in school. It's just he's come to a point where he'd rather not pretend anymore. We may not understand it because it's not our choice, but to him, he's doing what he feels he needs to do.
2) That being said, although the exterior and other things may have changed, deep down, he's most likely the same person u once knew....the same values, the same core personality with modifications. So my take is, if u were friends before, you may be able to be friends now. MAYBE.
3) I would say at least contact him/her (however they want to be referred to as now), maybe see how the conversation goes. The change may be too much and the dynamic of your friendship may not be able to withstand it, but if you don't attempt, u never know. This person could be a good friend of yours for the future.
Just a devil's advocate kinda view. LOL.
Although i've never specifically been in this situation, here would be my take on it :
1) I''m pretty sure that this guy didn't wake up one day and just decide on these major changes. It just doesn't happen like that, so that means he's always been struggling with this---all his life most likely---even when you knew him back in school. It's just he's come to a point where he'd rather not pretend anymore. We may not understand it because it's not our choice, but to him, he's doing what he feels he needs to do.
2) That being said, although the exterior and other things may have changed, deep down, he's most likely the same person u once knew....the same values, the same core personality with modifications. So my take is, if u were friends before, you may be able to be friends now. MAYBE.
3) I would say at least contact him/her (however they want to be referred to as now), maybe see how the conversation goes. The change may be too much and the dynamic of your friendship may not be able to withstand it, but if you don't attempt, u never know. This person could be a good friend of yours for the future.
Just a devil's advocate kinda view. LOL.
Highest Weight : 361 (pre-op diet) | Surgery Weight : 311 | Current Weight : 181
gotta say that im with jiffyj. I see no harm in catching up and seeing how she is doing.
I would relate it to WLS. Many people knew you as the fat guy and when you got thin it changed the dynamic of your relationship but you had not really changed at all. I am sure that you had people that had trouble dealing with that. It's only fair to give a chance.
Who knows, maybe she just wants a quickie! lol
I would relate it to WLS. Many people knew you as the fat guy and when you got thin it changed the dynamic of your relationship but you had not really changed at all. I am sure that you had people that had trouble dealing with that. It's only fair to give a chance.
Who knows, maybe she just wants a quickie! lol
Scott
Link to my running journal
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1303681
4 full's - 14 halves - 2 goofy's and one Mt. Washington!
Link to my running journal
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1303681
4 full's - 14 halves - 2 goofy's and one Mt. Washington!
I have to agree with jiffyj and Scott. For all you know, living in the same town after the change may be easier than living a lie before. I know that I am not the same person I was when I was in high school and neither are the friends that I have kept in contact with. One of the things that makes them friends IS the memories we share of earlier times.
I would at least contact him/her and see what the deal is. Give them a chance if they made the effort to reach out.
Just my two cents.
I would at least contact him/her and see what the deal is. Give them a chance if they made the effort to reach out.
Just my two cents.
Dave I.
on 3/23/10 1:21 am, edited 3/23/10 1:22 am - Hopkinsville, KY
on 3/23/10 1:21 am, edited 3/23/10 1:22 am - Hopkinsville, KY
It's entirely up to you. My only advice is this less about him/her and more about you. How much do you value the friendship you had? Is it worth revisiting or is this another person that was part of a different life and you move on. We all have people that at one time may have even been best friends with which we lose contact. Many times we find out later in life when we see those people that were such a big part of our lives that we have nothing in common. This just is another situtation that makes that more likely. Hell I'm single with no kids and my friends that have kids are foreign to me most of the time all the stuff that we did or the things we shared changed when marriage/kids come into the picture. Its not a bad thing per se but it does change your dynamic. You have questions obviously so if its really something you have to know then no harm making contact you decide how far that contact goes.
Dave
Dave
Good points, guys .. thanks for chiming in ..
I also got to thinking after all this, what if Steve has been really depressed lately over his "life change" and was thinking of me in his dark hour and how I was such a good friend to him back then, and that he needed to talk to a friendly voice once again? .. I would feel guilty as hell if he was thinking about ending it all, and I didn't respond to him and, as a result, the worst possible thing then happened ..
I think I'll call Steve on Monday and at least see what is going on with "her" ..
I also got to thinking after all this, what if Steve has been really depressed lately over his "life change" and was thinking of me in his dark hour and how I was such a good friend to him back then, and that he needed to talk to a friendly voice once again? .. I would feel guilty as hell if he was thinking about ending it all, and I didn't respond to him and, as a result, the worst possible thing then happened ..
I think I'll call Steve on Monday and at least see what is going on with "her" ..
Frank talk about the DS / "All I ever wanted to be was thin, like that Rolling Stones dude ... "
HW/461 LW/251 GW/189 CW/274 (yep, a DS semi-failure - it happens :-( )
No more ***** than I get these days, I'll have to admit that it's tempting to get myself one, just so I could say I was getting some.
The free man owns himself. He can damage himself with either eating or drinking....... If he does he is certainly a damn fool, and he might possibly be a damned soul; but if he may not, he is not a free man any more than a dog.
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