Is WLS emasculating?

Hi Guys -

I'm new here and just starting my WLS journey. It's great to find a place to ask 'guy' questions.

So, tell me what it's like to go through WLS as a MAN? What's it like being in the hospital, admitting you have a problem and getting help? Were you embarrassed around the female nurses? Is any of this hard to talk about? Opening up emotionally isn't always easy for us males, so I'm womdering how you all dealt with this whole thing.

Thanks,
Mike

Lot to cover here.  First Welcome!  I have found it empowering.  Before the surgery I was more timid and shy.  I wanted to hide all the time and the thought of going to a movie was tough.  I would get there early to make sure that I wouldn't have to walk past people to get a seat.  Now that is not an issue. 

Could have cared less about the nurses.  They are there for your help and have seen it all and have seen worse. 

Emotionally, the more I express, the better I do.  OA is good as is seeing a counselor.  There is a lot more to it than the food.  The issues are deeper and the more you can root them out, the more successful  you can be.

I have always known there was a problem and have never had a problem admitting it.  Working on it however was another issue.

Good luck.

Mike,

Glad to see you made your way over here. 

Like drunks, dopers and anyone else with an addiction before you can get out of its grasp your head has to be ready or you will not have any success.  Skimming through your blog looks like your head is positioned right and you are not in need of a cranialrectaledomy!

No shame in your game to reach out to get help with a problem.  The shame is not doing so when there is help available.  

Don't worry about the nurses.  When he/she is putting in an in-out catheter so you can drain your bladder because you can't go because of the anesthesia affecting your bladder you don't give a damn!  These men and women see people's "junk" everyday.  You think they get a jolly from it - NOT.  Your Mrs. can tell you that!

I really appreciate the responses you guys.

Even though I'm committed to doing this, the whole thing does feel embarrassing. Sometimes it seems like everyone else around me can control their weight, so why can't I?

As far as being in the hospital, I've always been a REALLY BAD patient. I don't like being poked and prodded. I don't like losing my privacy. I don't like being told what to do. But maybe that's just the price I need to pay to get through this.

I looked at your blog.  I assume you are awar of medical settings.  You can open up emotionally here.  Nothing is off limits.  Only you can decide whether OA is for you.  I went for years and gained weight but I had an undiagnosed mental problem--now treated by meds.

As for your food addiction, WLS will not cure that.  You won't be able to eat large meals anymore, but you will have to learn how to handle not eating between meals and how to avoid your addictive foods.  Most WLS patients learn how to eat properly during during the first few months following WLS.  However, many of us do pick up our addictive foods and then have to deal with old problems.  The big problem is then physiological as well as mental.  I suggest getting Kay Shepard's book, Food Addiction--the Body Knows.  If you have problems staying on a recovery diet, look at the Beck's Diet Solution which contains about 40 strategies for staying on a diet.  It comes in both a hardcover and workbook but even the author says you only need one of them.  I suggest the workbook for post-ops.  If you use it, I further suggest that you do your written work in a notebook rather than in the workbook itself.  Shalom and good luck.

Although I'm not Jewish, I was introduced to many ethnic foods when I went to Rutgers back in the 70s.  You may have trouble giving up blintzes and knishes, but you will gain a clear mind and a healthy body.

So, tell me what it's like to go through WLS as a MAN?  It's great, the journey has been life changing for the better in every respect (I believe).

What's it like being in the hospital, admitting you have a problem and getting help?  It's hard to admit you need help, which is why choosing a surgeon and a facility/hospital are important steps in the process.

Were you embarrassed around the female nurses?  Honestly, I had way to much gas pain to care.  The nurses have seen EVERYTHING, so no need to worry.  They were actually very nice and discret (whenever it was possible).

Is any of this hard to talk about?  It was hard to tell extended family, friends, and co-workers I had surgery.  It get's easier, trust me.

Opening up emotionally isn't always easy for us males, so I'm womdering how you all dealt with this whole thing?  I would highly encourage you to stick with reading/post on OH and hook up with a Bariatric Support Group in your area.  They're everywhere, and they really do help!

You said it looks like everyone around you can control their weight, so why can't you. Are you kidding me? Have you walked the streets of a city or even a town? The whole country is fat - some just choose not to do anything about it but die early.

I don't see getting surgery for obesity as emasculating. I see being so big I can't fly, sit in a booth, or fit in seats at sports stadiums as being emasuclating. Hips and breasts on a guy... that's emasculating. Having to rest every few minutes while walking around, while children and women go flying by, not even out of breath, that's emasculating. Getting surgery to get rid of all these problems? It would have been better to be able to keep in shape in the first place, but it didn't happen that way, and so something has to be done.

My wife is always complaining that I don't empathize with her feelings about issues, that I always just want to fix the problem. I was fat, and rather than sit around an mope about it, I got it fixed. That's the man's way.

Well said!!!

I know the whole country is fat - intellectually. But when I'm walking around the city, my eye goes to the thin people. Maybe it's because I'm self-conscious. Sometimes if feels like every attractive woman I walk by is thinking, 'Ooh, look at that...gross.' I know being overweight is emasculating. But sometimes you can pretend it isn't by hiding. Pursuing WLS is exactly the opposite - you are putting yourself out there body and soul.

Maybe I'm just getting caught up in the emotional side of things as my first appointments approach. Maybe the whole emotional aspect would be easier if I was a chick.

Mike

Two things that were emasculating during the process;  Having the cathater put in and out.  I had it taken out a couple of times and still couldn't pee...Yeh, I was one of those with problems.  Had to take the cath and bag home with me for about a week...Then went to the Uro doc and was able to go on my own...Have been fine since.  The other thing that hit my male pride a bit was that I lost some muscle mass.  With RNY you are dropping so quickly you might lose some muscle.  You have to work in this area or it can be a problem...Just light weights for toneing.  But as a former high school football player, we prided ourselves in our weightlifting abilities...That dropped with the weight.  Not saying it will happen to you...but it might.  I noticed it when I went back and played tennis and golf.  I played high school and college tennis...but now, post WLS, I could hit the ball, but couldn't pound it.  The same with golf.  I use to drive the golf ball (with driver) about 210-220 yards. (older clubs).  Post WLS I was driving the ball about 180 yards.  Brian