I'm changing... but is it all for the better?

My wife and I spoke this evening, some things have come to light.  It's got me thinking...

As you know, I'm down 73 in under 2 months, and my wife told me tonight that my appearance is dramatically different (in a good way).  Nice compliment!!  But also, I've been told my personality is starting to change and not for the better.  She told me she has notices that I have more confidence, which is a good thing, but with that comes a measure of ****iness that I didn't have two months ago.  She feels my temper is shorter and I'm much more outspoken and not necessarily a good way.

Has anyone had something similar happen to them?  How has your relationships been affected by this surgery?  Do such drastic changes in appearance and health also lead to drastic changes with relationships and your own personalities?  Did your relationships get stronger or did they lead down the road of splitting up/divorce (and if you did split up, was it surgery related)?
 

Jason,

A change in temper is not uncommon post op.  Ties into the hormone dump you are going through.  Essentially you are "PMS'ing" X 100.  Little things will set you off!  All you can do, short of getting on some anti depressant or anxiety meds, is to recognize it for what it is.  Count to ten before you say or do anything asinine.  Easier said than done.

Divorce is very common, unfortunately, among WLS patients.  Myself included.  Our divorce rate is over the national average of 50%.  Going through this process puts you in a whole different place both physically, mentally and emotionally. 

If you and your Mrs. have a good relationship you'll be fine.  May be rocky but you'll make it.  If there are any cracks in the relationship you may have problems.  It's like the weight loss makes you look at other things in your life you want to change.  My Mrs. and I had some issues and frankly I had had a buttful!  Oddly enough we still talk, she has custody of our "fur child" and often times we'll walk together.  Like I tell folks "just cause we could not stay married any longer doesn't mean we still can't be friends".

I went through some of this.  As you drop the weight your confidence grows.  It can come across as ****yness...stuck up type of thing.  You want to take on life more...for a marriage this looks like you want to make changes...Which you do, but not in hurting the marriage.  Positive changes are good.  Your wife needs to know they include her and include her bigtime.  I would remind my wife that she stood by me when I was 300 pounds.  I intend to stand beside her when I lost the weight.  Richer or poorer...Obesity or skinniness.
Jus****ch the pride...it can be a dangerous thing.  I'm glad the Lord didn't take away my baldness...It helped to keep things in perspective.  Brian

Even though we tell all you guys about the hormone dump you just don't understand how drastic it is until you go through it.  Make sure your wife understands that this will only last a couple of months.

As far as the ****iness goes, for me when I was fat I took a lot of grief from people without realizing.  Once I started losing weight and got the hormone thing going I could see how people treated me different and realized I didn't have to take that chit anymore.  My personality did change a bit and maybe not for the betterment of others, but for the betterment of me.

I have been going through similar situations.  My wife and I are snapping at each other more lately.  I was on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety pills prior to surgery and have kept the same dose after.  I knew from reading and from family that went through the same things that hormone changes were possible and that attitudes would be intensified.  I have been wondering if the pill that I am taking is enough, being that I have malabsorbsion issues from the RNY.  Maybe I need to increase it.  Thankfully, my wife and I had a strong relationship before the kids, though it has been strained by the kids and the surgery now, I feel that we still have a strong relationship.

What I told people before, is the same thing that I tell myself now.  Communicate with your spouse, think before you speak or do, and forgive.  It is easier said than done, but for a successful marriage, it must at least be given a chance.

Ditto to the things I've already seen from others.  Don't do anything drasti****il your hormones come back in line.  I was a mess for a few months.  Very emotional and was told by others that my personality was changing, too.  I am back to normal after a year but I had to really kind of watch myself for a while, there. 

Is there something one can do to help the hormones stabilize or is it just time? 

And then again your wife may be changing a little too. She may see the change in you and feel a little more insecure. She may feel thereaten if she thinks your looking better.
Maybe you are just getting that swagger. lol
David

I myself have been noticing this lately.  My wife is really insecure now.  I don't think i'm changing (attitude wise) but she is.  It's caused some strain, as she is always making little comments that i should stop losing weight, that she likes me bigger and i've done enough etc--compounded by the fact that she asks me if i'm cheating on her, etc.  I guess this is an emotional rollercoaster for her as well, but her insecurities are def causing problems. 

Well, as I've seen on OH many times in the past, with WLS a marriage that was weak before is sometimes weaker afterward, and a strong marriage is sometimes stronger afterward.  

  The scariest stat that was given on here once was that the divorce rate is 50% by one year out from WLS ..  (some other figures posted were lower, but not by much) ..   

   That being said, keep in mind all the hormonal changes that even us guys go through during the first few months of rapid,  major weight loss ..  caused, oddly enough, by release of estrogen in the system (think a woman with post-partum depression --  very similar endocrinologically) ..  

  Hang in there, ThinJ ..