Confessions of a food addict

I've mentioned in the past that there are two types of obese people:  people who simply eat too much and food addicts.  Initially, many people think they are food addicts when their really problem is overeating. 

I've known for years--about 20-30--that I am a food addict.  I am addicted to sugar, refined white flour, and junk food especially Ice cream.  Having known that has not stopped me from indulging in my addiction.

I needed to have RNY back on 11-14-2000 or I probably would have been dead by now.  I just wasn't doing too good at 571 lbs.  I could barely make it from one room to the next.

Now, I'm about 220 lbs lower than that.  I don't know the exact figure since I haven't been weighed since the end of June.  I had lost 50 lbs from 01-29-09 through 06-22-09 but stopped my diet then to celebrate with addictive food.  I know it was a major mistake.  But, that's all it was.  I have not had a single day since then where I have been clean and abstinate from my addictive foods. 

I was able to accomplish the weight loss with the use of the Beck's Diet Solution and with Food Addiction--The Body Knows.  It took me a while to realize that I modified the Beck's Diet Solution because I've simply not been able to do all of that planning over the course of my lifetime.  It's a rigid program that I reject.  However, many of the strategies do work for me especially logging food and planning portions (even though I don't plan actual meals).  And, I enjoyed the freedom from eating addictive foods.  In the beginning, that was what I enjoyed the most.  However, soon all of my doctors were concerned with my weight loss.  I originally thought of the weight loss as a bonus knowing that I would lose weight if I avoided the junk and maintained a 1,600 to 1,800 cal diet.  However, I soon became a slave to the scale and just didn't care as weight loss slowed down.

Then, after losing the 50 lbs, I went to get some new jogging pants ( I can't wear regular pants due to my enourmous right thigh with a circumference of 52 " due to severe lymphedema).  I figured I should have been able to have gone down at least a size or two from my prior 4X ( I think I was at 10X prior to my first RNY).  But, in order to get past my thigh, I still had to get 4X pants.  that demoralized me.  Within a week I was back having a bit of the junk.

Today I'm going to a family reunion.  I know I'm going to indulge.  And, I know that's something I probably shouldn't say here, but most of you know that I tend to be honest and forthright.  I know that Dr Beck would say to go back on my diet with the first slip, but I've been indulging for 2 months and another day is not going to kill me.

I do plan on becoming clean and abstinate tomorrow.  That's something I haven't had the guts to declare in the past.  I hope that by stating this on our forum that I'll build up the strength to actually stay clean.  I don't believe in the 12 steps which are adapted from a monastic rule;  they are more likely to work in a monastery.  But, I do believe that I will need God's help with this.  So, I ask that you pray for my success.

And, please don't bother criticizing my one last fling--at least it's this last fling.  I do know that food addiction is a progressive disease which only gets worse with time.  Imagine, I have 2 progressive diseases, this and my depression.  Although I am manic-depressive, the manic side hasn't become worse in over a decade but the depression just keeps getting worse.  In my case it's a genetic disease which I can prove by citing many relative who have it.  Bob

Criticize you Bob? No way! You have done amazingly well. Hey, we are all food addicts! We are all human as well. So we all error, now except some divinity from within and forgive and forget the past. It's where we go from here that matters. Congrats on your hard work, buddy. I so admire you for that. You are one outstanding example of what we should strive for. It's our frame of mind that will lead us to success or failure. You are a success already.

 no one here will criticize you/.  We've all had last meal syndrome and sometimes its just something you need to get out of your system.

Using an addiction model for treatment is exactly what most people need. And you know once an addict always an addict no matter how much weight you lose.  

I am an addict, I can't even have one bite of bad food, I need to totally abstain.  One bite doesn't do it, just like the first drink doesn't do it, but it leads to another and another.  I can not practice moderation and I know that.  

After all that rambling I guess what I meant to say is Hi, my name is Matt and I'm an addict.  I have zero days clean from ****ty food but I'm taking it one second at a time.  Just exercised intensely for an hour training Thai Boxing and am down from 297 to 279 in the last month.

Hi Bob,
As with any addict, every day is the first day. You have the stake in the ground now - go forth and sin no more! We are here to support - not criticize. I feel that accountability is a big part of honesty. So keep the updates coming.

I have watched your progress and read your struggles, and I am inspired by your honesty about yourself and with others. My prayers are with you! You can do this!

 Wow Bob  I didn't know you were a fellow LEer ..    (you do know we have a subforum on OH for that condition, right?) 

   I bet we have a lot of LEers on the Men's Forum ..   Speak up and be counted, guys .  !   

  Are you doing anything to treat it?   Compression garments?    MLDT massage treatments?   You'd be surprised how normal-sized you can get that thigh down to, w. proper, continuing treatment .. 

  btw, I invite all guys w. or interested in lymphedema to join our Yahoo newsgroup, MenWithLymphedema ..  (or as we call ourselves, the Lymph-O-Gents, 'Demadudes, etc.)
A really close family of guys on there, headed by our loveable leader and the founder and moderator of almost all the Yahoo LE groups, Mr. Pat O'Connor.  Pat was born w. LE (they almost amputated his legs at birth, b/c the ignorant docs assumed he was deformed!) ..  He has really been struggling of late with his condition after 50-something years, problems with fluid getting into his chest cavity and such ... We're keeping him in our prayers ..  

Batswinsman, I went for extensive therapy several years ago.  My wife learned how to do the short-stretch bandaging method, I had a pump, custom Jobst stockings to wear during the day and leg coverings that almost seemed like soft casts to wear at night.  But, I couldn't afford the stockings.  I needed about 3 pair per year, they're not covered by ins, and they are not deductible on taxes.  But, the biggest problem with them is that my problem is with my right thigh and neither the Jobst stockings nor any other treatment addressed that problm.

In the last few years I've had to go to a wound Center but they use long stretch bandages and are only concerned with bandaging below my knees.  I mentioned the problm with my upper leg to one of the docs and he said they're concerned about healing the wounds and in doing bandaging so that I wouldn't loose a foot.

Now, the only treatment I get is using a sequential pump.  It does go all the way up to my thigh but I don't know if it's helping at all.  This is achronic condition that I've had since 1995 and know that I will have for the rest of my life.

 Ut oh ..   pumps ..   NO NO    

  Our group has studied the literature on pump use, and it appears they are actually contraindicated for LE, despite what the manufacturers may claim ..   The problem is that the pumps, even the "sequential" ones, tend to force the excess lymphatic fluid into the healthy adjacent tissues, which in turn overloads them.   Over time, this actually causes a spread of the LE into those healthy tissues.       The other big NO NO is diuretics, as they tend to concentrate protein waste in the swollen tissues, increasing the chances of infection (e.g. staph) in them.   My PCP was ignorant of LE and had me on diurectics for many years for my high b.p.  When he learned about LE, he immediately took me off them. 

  The way to go is with the massage therapy and short stretch bandages, and perhaps something like a Reid Sleeve on at night w. compression stockings during the day (once your size is down with the bandages) ..   Be sure that anyone you deal with is certified in LE treatment, whether an MD/DO or a PT/MT. 

  As to payment, your ins. should cover all of this, unless they pull the\ :"pre-existing cond." crap.  Medicare for awhile stopped paying for bandages and for massage, unless it was done by a PT ...   but I think the LIghthouse LE Foundation was able to lobby to get that changed of late ..   Again, if you join our 'demaDudes Yahoo group, you can get some good guidance on all this .. 

Hi Bob:

Last night I wrote a long rambling response to your post; after reading it I realized my thoughts were self indulgent; opinionated ; and written to make myself feel "right"; luckily I deleted it before sending it.

So here I go:

24 years ago I joined AA and have been a sober member from that day forward.

I attempted to apply my 12 step experience to my food addiction; attended OA; I was unable to make it work.

Post WLS I harbor fear of failure / weight regain ; I have elected a softer approach to food.

Food is just food; I will never eat 100% correctly; be it portions; type; how often.

When I make a choice which does not serve me; I admit it to myself ; ask myself if it was worth it; next time the option presents itself; I repeat the above process.

I also deal with depression ( under a DR'S. care for 9 years ); I do what my DR. tells me to do; I do not bargain with his RX.

I feel pain in your post and I thank you for allowing me in to share it with you; shared pain is so much better than being all alone; keep posting !

Kev-

Bob, nobody is gonna criticize you for that.  Your determination and never give up attitude are an inspiration to many. Lots of guys would just throw in the towel and give yup, but you keep on fighting.  Congrats to ya for your guts and determination buddy. Now, we may put a boot up your azz if you mess up again, but that's just because we want you to succeed.  Keep on keepin' on brother!