Looking for any help I can find!
Hey there guys,
I honestly do not know where to start. Im two years post op and my life has been in such a disarray since my surgery. I have been through a divorce, lost my home and barley holding on. I have been getting professional counseling, and trying to sort things out. Is there anyone out there going through the same? I feel so alone and trying so hard to hold on! I Know that with the current economical situation there are so many people going through tough times. So much has changed in my life and not all for the good.
Thanks for listing,
John
I honestly do not know where to start. Im two years post op and my life has been in such a disarray since my surgery. I have been through a divorce, lost my home and barley holding on. I have been getting professional counseling, and trying to sort things out. Is there anyone out there going through the same? I feel so alone and trying so hard to hold on! I Know that with the current economical situation there are so many people going through tough times. So much has changed in my life and not all for the good.
Thanks for listing,
John
John,
Buddy, Brother, Friend... I too am in your boat... I split with my wife last week, she is filing for divorce, the house is up in the air but I am renting a room from a friend at the moment. I am on meds and seeing a doc on a weekly basis myself... I know that when life gets tough it just means there are good things coming. You are blesed with your health now, you have an amazing woman in your life and the sun should be starting to come up for you. I am here for you.. If you wanna get together and go for a walk or something let me know. I am getting my girls every other weekend and a few nights a week so I have a lot more of an open schedule now.
You have done an amazing job the last two years.. Your road hasn't been easy but it sure is getting better now. Enjoy each day as it comes, the hell with yesterday, it's over and you can't do anything about it, tomorrow is coming no matter what, so enjoy the hell out of today!
Call me any time if you wanna get together and talk or hang out! I would love to be there for ya man!!!
Your friend,
Gavin
Buddy, Brother, Friend... I too am in your boat... I split with my wife last week, she is filing for divorce, the house is up in the air but I am renting a room from a friend at the moment. I am on meds and seeing a doc on a weekly basis myself... I know that when life gets tough it just means there are good things coming. You are blesed with your health now, you have an amazing woman in your life and the sun should be starting to come up for you. I am here for you.. If you wanna get together and go for a walk or something let me know. I am getting my girls every other weekend and a few nights a week so I have a lot more of an open schedule now.
You have done an amazing job the last two years.. Your road hasn't been easy but it sure is getting better now. Enjoy each day as it comes, the hell with yesterday, it's over and you can't do anything about it, tomorrow is coming no matter what, so enjoy the hell out of today!
Call me any time if you wanna get together and talk or hang out! I would love to be there for ya man!!!
Your friend,
Gavin
Thank you so much Gavin,
I struggle with so much. You are so right about what you mentioned and can not disagree. I have had other issues that I have not shared with others. Have not seen you in a while, but have heard the updates. Things have been very difficult for me latley. Please keep what I share between me and you! I hope all you are going through works out as well! Talk at ya soon.
John
I struggle with so much. You are so right about what you mentioned and can not disagree. I have had other issues that I have not shared with others. Have not seen you in a while, but have heard the updates. Things have been very difficult for me latley. Please keep what I share between me and you! I hope all you are going through works out as well! Talk at ya soon.
John
John, dont know if I can be of much help. We are light years apart in age, but wisdom and experience has taught me how to get up from knees many times. It may sound contrite but health is the most important area of your life, both mental and physical. You're no good to anyone without it. I take each problem and compartmentalize it. It helps with priorty. Basics, Shelter- room up with others. get rid of stuff. Think army style living, eating and burn off bad and negative thoughts by working out big time. Sell assets, generate cash and live lean.
YOUR ARE NOT ALONE keep posting we'll do what we can
GOOD LUCK
YOUR ARE NOT ALONE keep posting we'll do what we can
GOOD LUCK
First of all, it's good to hear that one of the men from this forum lives near you and can actually see you. Although it's good to have internet friends, sometimes just being able to walk and talk with someone else is strenghtening.
I've been going out to lunch once a week with a buddy of mine. Within the last year I noticed that one of the men here moved into our area and now the 3 of us go out to lunch. We hope to eventually do some other activities but just getting together as a small group of men strengthens each of us.
One of the strenghts of this forum is that you know that many men will get to read your post. Since most posts stay here a few days, you'll probably be getting responses through the weekend.
Since you are getting professional counseling, ask that person if they know of any men's group in the area where you can go and meet and not be judged about your lifestyle changes. Most men are understanding and supportive regardless of their individual feelings about marriage and divorce. I know I went through a little shock a few years ago when within 6 months both my brother and my brother-in-law got divorced. It's hard on the extended family. My wife and I just accepted it and went on. Since there are children involved, my brother invites his ex-wife to major family functions at his house. My brother-in-law (my wife's brother) ended up with an acrinomious divorce. He only gets to see his childre occasionally and we rarely see them. I haven't seen his ex since the divorce.
I just imaginge that you must be sorting through relationships within the family and among friends. Do hold on. You can send me a PM anytime--I usually check OH a few times a day and even when I wake up in the middle of the night.
I've been going out to lunch once a week with a buddy of mine. Within the last year I noticed that one of the men here moved into our area and now the 3 of us go out to lunch. We hope to eventually do some other activities but just getting together as a small group of men strengthens each of us.
One of the strenghts of this forum is that you know that many men will get to read your post. Since most posts stay here a few days, you'll probably be getting responses through the weekend.
Since you are getting professional counseling, ask that person if they know of any men's group in the area where you can go and meet and not be judged about your lifestyle changes. Most men are understanding and supportive regardless of their individual feelings about marriage and divorce. I know I went through a little shock a few years ago when within 6 months both my brother and my brother-in-law got divorced. It's hard on the extended family. My wife and I just accepted it and went on. Since there are children involved, my brother invites his ex-wife to major family functions at his house. My brother-in-law (my wife's brother) ended up with an acrinomious divorce. He only gets to see his childre occasionally and we rarely see them. I haven't seen his ex since the divorce.
I just imaginge that you must be sorting through relationships within the family and among friends. Do hold on. You can send me a PM anytime--I usually check OH a few times a day and even when I wake up in the middle of the night.
Thanks for reaching out and breaking the temptation to become isolated in your pain. Us guys tend to do that and it takes real courage and strength to reach out and be vulnerable. The reality is that you are not alone and many of us have demons that we are battling and will continue to battle. Your personal demons seem to be especially tough right now. I'm glad to hear that you can claim the good with the bad changes and that you are looking for realistic ways to deal with your problems and move forward.
Serenity prayer,
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Serenity prayer,
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
John I hear where you're coming from. So many people are in the same boat. Some of what I am about to share may hit home...throw out what doesn't. "Stuff" will not make us happy. We have tried it and know it is only fleeting and not lasting (TV ads). Living on basics is what you may need to go back to. Our grandparents went through the great depression and came out better people for it. Here are a few things that may need to go by the wayside.
When a cell phone plan expires, look into getting a pre paid cell phone. Only give out the phone number to a few people...who can run up minutes. You don't "need" cable...You can get the Fresno stations just fine with a converter box...even all those weird low channel ones I will sometimes pick up in Turlock!! DSL or high speed internet...Sorry it is a luxary and not a necessity. If need be, you can look up your e-mail or OH stuff at the local library for free. Don't be too proud to use food stamps. You have paid for them with your taxes over the years and you may need to use them now. No answers for medical or dental...those are tough. Use a used bike to run errands...cheap and helps the heart (get a good bike lock). Shop at the 99cent Only store...very good cheap stuff if you find the right stuff. Yard sales are our friends...use them or barter for stuff or services. The spiritual side may be where you need to start first...So often when that get straightened out, alot of the other stuff falls into place. Thanks for sharing...What is the number 1 thing women complain about guys..."He never opens up". We all need to do more of that. Brian
When a cell phone plan expires, look into getting a pre paid cell phone. Only give out the phone number to a few people...who can run up minutes. You don't "need" cable...You can get the Fresno stations just fine with a converter box...even all those weird low channel ones I will sometimes pick up in Turlock!! DSL or high speed internet...Sorry it is a luxary and not a necessity. If need be, you can look up your e-mail or OH stuff at the local library for free. Don't be too proud to use food stamps. You have paid for them with your taxes over the years and you may need to use them now. No answers for medical or dental...those are tough. Use a used bike to run errands...cheap and helps the heart (get a good bike lock). Shop at the 99cent Only store...very good cheap stuff if you find the right stuff. Yard sales are our friends...use them or barter for stuff or services. The spiritual side may be where you need to start first...So often when that get straightened out, alot of the other stuff falls into place. Thanks for sharing...What is the number 1 thing women complain about guys..."He never opens up". We all need to do more of that. Brian
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