WONDERING.....

Since you guys had your surgery, right before hand, did anyone of you have say a good friend who you thought was a good friend for over 30 years,suddenly go cold on you and quit communicating? I have of such one who has been, knowing that this friend has more than their share of health related problems and overweight, and wont consider going thru this. Sort of stuns the heck out of me on this.

I have and I'm sure quite a few more of us have.  A lot of your relationships will change because of WLS - alot.  Much of it is jelousy.  When you make a big decision like this that will drastically change your life some friends feel like you are leaving them behind and some feel so bad about themselves that they can't be happy for you.

The good that comes from WLS outweighs the bad, you will have a fuller life and make many new friends that you would never had met without the lifechange WLS offers.

Give your friend time, he may come around, and maybe in the future you can mentor him on his own WLS.

yea i guess that maybe he will come around. Sort of knocks the socks out of me on this. And imagine it has affected him on my decision. I am hoping that he will took look further into this and see that it will be a healthy change. thanks for the tips.

I wish I could say this was uncommon, but it happens before many major changes in life - especially around marriage, divorce, or death.  Hopefully the relationship will bounce back at whatever time your friend is ready - and especially if you continue to reach out.

Good luck next week.  I'll be away at church camp for a week and out of the "online loop", so I'll officially welcome you to the loser's bench when I return.

all i am doing is leaving the door open and letting him come around when he is ready. He has to accept im sorry to say that i chose to do this.
thanks again! 

Unfortunately, it is pretty common it ses. I have a cousin who was always the good looking guy, outstanding athlete, ladies man - the All-American Guy. We were like brothers growing up. I was always the fat one, the funny guy everyone wanted to have around beause I was funny.  As it so often goes, he has let himself go and is now close to 400 pounds and has developed all kinds of health issues (diabetes, sleep apnea, severe edema, etc.).  He owns his own landscaping/irrigation company and can hardly work and support his family now. He's lucky to last 4 hours a day. After I had my WLS, his wife came over and asked me to talk to him about having gastric bypass. His family doctor had recommended it and he had already consulted with a local  bariatric surgeon and attended the seminar. I told his wife I would be happy to talk with him about my surgery and my experience, but I was not going to urge him to have the surgery because I feel it is a personal decision and choice that one has to make.  I stopped by their house to visit about a week later. Boy did I get the cold shoulder. He acted like I was some kind of enemy or that he was mad as hell at me.  After about ten minutes, I simply told him that I had heard he was considering gastric bypass surgery and that if he wanted to talk or I could help him in any way to give me a call. I then made my exit. I left wondering what in the world I had done to him.

His wife called me later and apologized for his behaviour. She said he is like that with everyone because he is so miserable with himself, and that she felt he is "jealous and envious" because I had the surgery and have been so successful with it. She said he wants to have the surgery for the benefits it can bring, but he's also scared, and also not sure he wants to "give up" his eating habits and beer. I told her that was what I had meant when I said it is a personal decision and choice, and only he can decide - not her, his kids, me - only him.

Hopefully, he will decide to have the surgey and have a chance to get healthy and happy again. Otherwise, I doubt he will be here much longer.  Pretty sad.

man did this sound familiar! a neighbor of mine different person/scenerio i heard was considering the lap band and so one day i walked over to his house as he was sitting on the back of his car (wagon) huffing and puffing as very obese. i said heard he was considering the lap band..you know he got up and walked away from me said yea and nothing else. i didnt think anything about it til i had this friend that i was referring to on the inital post began to shun me and not communicate. Realized then what was going on. both are hurting themselves literally and need to take matters into hands and make a decision.  

Many people may not have the insurance or the cash for the surgery.  That has ticked off more people than we may think.  A lot of "why didn't I save for a rainy day" type of thing.

 I was with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years before I had surgery. After I had surgery everything started to go downhill FAST. Within a year we had broken up and I feel like it happened because I just realized that since I wasn't any longer obese I could do better. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's almost as if I was with her only because she was the only option I had when I was obese. She liked my personality and not the appearance and such. So I feel that WLS definitely changes relationships in ways you can't foresee before you go through WLS and afterwards you're left wondering why you let yourself be so shallow in a way. At least that's how it was/is with me. I'm not a shallow person by any means but I guess I sort of woke up after I had surgery and started re-evaluating my relationships. And it really is a very personal decision. Your friend has to understand he'll have to give up a few pleasures for a while but he doesn't have to totally give them up forever. I still enjoy things I once enjoyed before surgery, just now it's in much more controlled and modest amounts. 

i had 2 people stop talking to me when i told them I was going to have it... Sorry to hear