Not the best week

Please excuse the stream of concious typing but I wanted to share the roller coaster week that I've experienced.  My wife and I have wanted to replace the plywood decking installed on our 12' x 32' deck since moving into the new house in February 2008.  I don't know why anyone would put 3/4" plywood down and not expect it to rot and splinter.  Anyway, I took a week's vacation and my father-in-law drove down from Maryland to help out and brought along my brother-in-law from Delaware.  It was a first visit for both so we were excited to see them.  All day Monday was dedicated to ripping off the old sheeting and the lumber was delivered that afternoon.

We started cutting boards and installing early Tuesday morning.  Not long after lunch, I received a call that my step-sister that I hadn't seen in several years had died in a motorcycle accident near Atlanta.  Now, I had a major project underway, with family in from out of state and to kick it all off, I had 2 college final exams scheduled for Wednesday morning and 1 for Thursday morning.  The funeral was scheduled for late in the day Wednesday and though it broke my heart, I couldn't figure a way to make it down and back with everything else.

Though my heart wasn't really in it, we finished the deck up on Wednesday.  I started feeling sick on Thursday - with a wicked sore throat and fever.  After the in-laws left Friday morning, I managed to get into a walk-in clinic where I was diagnosed with strep throat and given 2 different antibiotics.  I'm finally feeling better and will drag my butt into work tomorrow.  I hope to head down to Atlanta next weekend to visit my step-sister's grave and express my condolences to my step-brother and their mom.  Does that sound reasonable?  I hated to miss the funeral but hopefully they will understand.

Least it was not H1N1.  hope for a quick recovery.  Attending funerals is rough on me unless its a wake type party.  Death should be a celebration.   You do what you have to do and dont look back.  Offer your condolences and let it be.

good luck

You can't be all things to all people.  Your first priority is to take care of yourself both physically and mentally.  However, you were put in a bad position by cir****tances this past week.  You had to make a choice and you made what was the right one for you at the moment.  I believe it was the right one period.  People do miss funerals for many reasons.  Don't knock yourself for making a hard decision.  The event is in the past and life goes on.  You will continue to show respect to your step-sister's family and they will understand (hopefully and eventually).  I had to miss the funerals of a few elderly aunts within the past few years.  We come from a very close knit family.  It was about a 2.5 to 3 hr drive to their house.  My wife went to the funerals but I didn't because I knew I couldn't get around in poor weather.  Everyone in the family knows I have difficulty walking and standing.  And, everyone felt I did the right thing by staying home.

Now, about that illness.  I mentioned last week that I was very sick on Fri, 04-24-09.  I woke up feeling normal and had breakfast and even went out to a store in the morning.  By noon I was confined to bed and running a fever.  I was so sick during the afternoon that I coudn't even stand up.  Thank God for my portable urinal.  I keep it and a jug where I sleep and I filled about 1/2 gal that afternoon.  I couldn't even have lunch.  My wife finally gave me my dinner in bed around 8:00pm and my fever had gone down quite a bit.  I was still a bit sore on Sat but I was totally fine by Sat evening.

I mentioned this to another Men's Forum member when we went out for lunch that week.  He said that he's had the same sort of short yet intense illnesses since his WLS.  I had an RNY and he had a DS.  I just wonder if other men have had similar experiences post op.

You are living a fine post-op life.  Continue on and let us know how you are doing.  By the way, how did the deck come out?  And, when will you know about the exams?  Good luck!  Bob

I have found that you can only do what is best at the time. If we are always worrying what other people think about our decisions we will never really be able to concentrate on ourselves.

I come from a very close German Catholic family. I have also missed two of mu Uncles funerals, but, everyone understood.

I'm sure your step family will understand also. Sometimes it's hard to make decisions that are right for ourselves, but in the end it is the only decision that makes sense.

First - Very sorry for your loss.  My opinion is: offer your heart-felt condolences - no explanation should be needed for your not being able to attend the funeral. 

Second - Hope you get to feeling better.

Third - Hope the deck turned out good for ya.

Hang in there bro!