Is this the right thing for me?

Hey guys,  looking for some guidence here.  As I get closer and closer to securing a surgery date for my open RNY, I'm starting to realize the finality of it all.  I just finished up my Psych evaluation and passed with flying colors which I guess means I'm stable enough emotionally, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that my life really centers around social gatherings and eating and drinking.  My real issue is I don't want to give that up.  I love hanging out, eating and drinking and after surgery, that's not gonna be an option.  (I know hanging out is still an option, but not the eating and drinking part). I do want to lose the weight, get off my blood pressure pills and stop having back pains and get rid of that damn CPAP machine, but I guess because I've been fat my whole life, I don't really know what its like to be able to do everyday things normal sized folks do, so in that respect, I don't really know what I'm missing out on. Do I really want to be restricted on my food and worry about dehydration/ malabsorption/ hernias/ strictures & anemia ect for the rest of my life?   I guess I have to just tell myself the tradeoff of eating and drinking vs. becoming active and fit is well worth it.   Thanks for listening.

The eating and drinking with other people part is easy! You can still do that, just not to the extent you could now.  Don't look at it like it's a death sentence, you're going to be able to do things you love to do just in moderation and you will actually FEEL BETTER DOING THEM!! That's the best thing of all.  I never feel left out at family gatherings and I still go out to eat with friends, it's all about making the right choices now instead of the more poor ones.  As for worrying about all that other jazz I will say this....worry about anything extra when the time comes to worry about it, yes? Don't sweat the small stuff! You will love your new life as a more fit person and you will love what the surgery can do for you, don't get yourself down and out over all of the things you don't really know about yet.  Now I'll admit for the first month or so it's kind of rough, you really can't eat that much and all but after that once things heal up you're going to be great.  Good luck, and I'm sure you'll get more of the same below me shortly.

Hey Lance, Thanks.  That's really GREAT to here, my family and friends are big on gatherings, so that truly makes me feel better.  and I do want to feel better and not sweat while just eating or standing and talking to someone.  Like you said, worry about any issues that arise if and when they come.  Guess its kinda like worrying about having a heart attack or developing diabetes, it could happen, but if you watch yourself, take care of yourself, you have a better chance of preventing it.

Again, thanks for the talk.   

I Still love hanging out, eating and drinking and after surgery, because it’s completely an option. In fact, eating and drinking and hanging out while wearing a medium sized shirt, sitting on the narrow side of the booth, is a lot more fun! There’s a lot of negative generalizations out there concerning WLS and specifically the RNY. An old post of mine concerning such- “Will-I-Ever-be-able-to-Eat-Like-a-Normal-Person?”

If you can get the weight off, and keep it off without WLS? Go for it!!  If not? Then WLS is at present the best option for adding Length and quality to life.

“I don't really know what it’s like to be able to do everyday things normal sized folks do, so in that respect, I don't really know what I'm missing out on.” I could have written that exact statement, As could many others here as well. It’s quite a Life Changer. Best Wishes- Dx

Dx, Thanks for the link to that older post.  You talked exactly about my biggest fears and really put them to rest.  I have to say, since finding the OH men's forum I have been reading your older posts and they have been an invaluable asset in my journey to join the losers bench.

Very welcome, keep that chin up and you'll soon be joining us on the loser's bench.

We started at the same BMI so heres how I looked it.  If I don't have WLS I can continue eating and drinking like I have been maybe put on a  few more LBS and be dead in less than 10 years. Miss my kids marriages graduations and grandkids, not to mention leave the wife widwed but very comfortable financially. OR  I can get WLS and live a far more comfortable and active life. Be around for another 30-40 years and have all the things I would have missed out on above. There are slight adjustments in foods and the frist lunch out was a bit weird but I will adapt, I have no choice. I am still early out but clearly if things keep going the way they are I will live a very full, fit and happy life. so far this has been the best decision I have made. Still a long road ahead but things are looking way up.

I had some of the very same concerns you have now prior to my surgery.  I don't think anyone on earth has a larger family than mine, and we're ALWAYS invited to something (i.e. cookout, pig-picking, family reunion, etc...) or meeting to eat out.  Living in the southern part of the country, all aspects of life revolve around food (births,deaths,weddings,graduations,holidays) and it's been difficult for me because I REALLY enjoyed attending.  But like Lance said, you can stil attend and partake, you just have to re-learn how to eat.  What I did, I swore off on eating out and family gatherings for the first 3-4 weeks.  This is really when you need to avoid the temptation of piles of inappropriate food.  After that, I started back and thank goodness haven't had an issue yet. 

I looked at the complications you mentioned this way, sure I could get dehydrated, or deal with malabsorption, have a hernia or stricture or have to take an iron pill for anemia after surgery or I could have not gotten the surgery and had to worry about early heart attack or stroke, high blood pressure, sleep ap, fatty liver disease, prematurely worn out joints, type II diabetes ect ect.  Made the choice relatively simple for me. Simply put I traded a big list of complications for a small list of manageable complications. 

MUCH more of a social animal I am after WLS! You will find that partying with friends and loved ones INCREASES ie quantity AND quality wise. Oh, you can't eat that 32 oz RibEye anymore, but you'll really enjoy that 4 oz Filet....while you socialize with those that you love! YOU LOSE NOTHING after WLS.....honest! In fact you gain! I was on my way to becoming that old fart who used to live across the street and cursed at kids and kept their soccer balls that land on his property and just generally HATE about everyone and everything. WLS took away my food addiction and gave me my life back....I now take vitamins (ESPECIALLY Vit D on which there is such great news lately) and NO bp meds and NO ibuprophen for joint breakdowns. I'm off the couch and back into the game of LIFE and would not have it any other way... Dx here most likely put it best...but do read us all here...we're all re-born and so should you be too! I never had any of those complications at all....WLS poster boy here...but even those who did have survived all and are back in the game! DO IT to live again! Jim PS jeez....I sound like a preacher, but I do believe that WLS saved my life!