Body Image? follow-up of follow-up.....

Follow up of a Follow up…. OK, first, I re-read what I replied to the Russ Thread… "What was in Those Brownies?!?!" Then it occurred to me that there is yet another common trait among most of us. Many of us hang on to the- "I still feel like a Fat Man" thing… or- "When I look in the Mirror, it’s still the same Ole Me." Body Image is a real issue. At 5 years out next month, I’ve gotten used to seeing the new me in the mirror, But still have a difficult time finding myself in a group photo. "Hey? I was there that day too…..Oh, That’s me?" It is less of a problem, but still a little odd glitch in self-perception. Back when some of us met up in Lexington a few years back I took advantage of asking a couple of the Psychologist/experts there "What’s the Deal?" about this flawed self perception. And, what could be done to improve it… Thought I’d share some of that here-------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------ There is a ‘slang term’ among psychologists for the skewed development of self-image. The "Swiss Cheese Phenomenon." The basic idea of the Swiss Cheese Phenomenon is that positive feedback from others falls through the "holes" in one's body image, like the holes in Swiss cheese. However, negative feedback, no matter how much rarer, manages to stick. That's why it is difficult to develop a different attitude towards your body. (Stupid slang term, but it works for them, and I like cheese!) This is how even after a string of compliments- "Dam, you’re looking good!" We still SEE the ‘Old Us.’ How to change your body image? 7 Tips (somehow it's always 7) Here are some of the suggestions from about 3 different Psyche docs. (Some through discussions, others from publications) The First 2 suggestions are immediately helpful and you can see results immediately! 1.) Take photos of your progress, Particularly photos with other people in them. When you are faced with a side-by-side comparison in a photo of yourself with another person who you don’t have a ‘skewed’ perception of, Your "filter" of looking just at your ‘old-self’ is by passed with objective fact. It’s easy to let the real progress you’ve made "slip through the holes," But linked to your objective view of another? Not as easy. You will be aware of the actual progress you’ve made. 2.) Pull out older photos and compare the actual "old You" with newer photos. Same Objective comparison bypasses your ‘self-image issues’ with objective fact. 3.) When in those situations where people notice your weight-loss, keep track of the actual feedback you are receiving. Chances are if you count them up, the overwhelming majority of people (if not ALL) will offer positive comments, and no negative comments. You maybe thinking- "Yah, I used to be fat, now my sagging ass looks like a melted candle," But notice that No-One else is noticing that at all. (so who then is generating a continued ‘negative body image?’ 4.) Notice if you tend to accept or resist compliments. Just knowing when you are skewing the feedback, and when you are accepting the actual observations of others, can help you Stop filtering reality. 5.) Buy some new dam Clothes! Dozens of guys here have posted photos of themselves in the past, often with the comment- "My wife says I need a size smaller shirt." Well, looking at a lot of the photos? The wives were right. Many ‘Ex-Obese’ men, dress for the same Old Level of Loose to hide the flab. The result is a lot of photos of us looking like 8^th graders borrowing dad’s clothes to go on a first date. Go spend some bucks and get some higher-end clothes that really Fit. If you are hiding some loose skin, then get some under-armor or wear a tighter Tee-shirt. (now that you can wear more and not sweat your azz off!) Dress in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. You can even wear a tie now without feeling like it’s strangling you to death. (that’s New, Yah?) 6.) Make a list of the things that are great about you. What are your strengths? Are you Clever? Funny? Honest? Sincere? What are you "Good At?" What are your assets? …things that ARE Going well for you. Things you are grateful for? Previous successes? …things you have overcome? If you are at all honest, fairly quickly you can stack up enough positive attributes to make yourself Envy-Yourself. This is a way to find the Positives that are not Directly linked to Size or Looks. (BTW, it is these attributes that comprise the Majority of actual Self-Image, Body-Image makes up only a part of your over-all Ego-Id-Super-Ego Psyche Self-Profile.) 7.) Last- (and this from all of the Psychologists) Spend time with people Who make you feel good about, and accept you as you are. This is key. "The Way You Make me Feel" is what keeps marriages going, And similarly what sparks many an affair- "I like who I am when I’m with you." Not just in romantic exchanges, but on any social level. Hang with people who like you, rather than those you are working to Make like you. Although Body-Image is only part of Self-Image, It is the One aspect that experiences the stress of Extreme Change resulting from WLS. It is often said- "The do the surgery on our guts, not our heads…" Yep. But the "Head-Work" is something We can do as a Home Project. This weekend, skip the yard-work and work on You? So Get Busy! You don’t even have to go by Home-Depot first. Crap! Best Wishes- Dx