Ever Feel Like A Failure At This WLS Thing - In the End?

  After noticing of late all the guys on here (and on the Main Forum) .. as well as a few WLSer dudes I've met at OH events and support group meetings, it seems like almost all the ones at least a couple of years out are at their goal weight, looking GQ model skinny and all ..    And here I sit, almost two years out myself, at the same "obese" 260s pounds I had on me @ less than a year out, after my having selected and gone through supposedly the most fool-proof of the WLS types, no less ..  I'm starting to wonder why I even bothered trying to go anywhere from the 461-lb. diabetic bag of fluid I was in life   ..  Apparenlty my weight loss experience hasn't even been good for motivating anyone else into having WLS (and any wonder why - who would listen to a fat man???)   Moreover, my love life has gone from 0 to ...    0  (again, who wants the fat man???)   This whole scene is really bumming me out and I'm getting quite alarmed over it  ..           (sorry to "vent" boys, but I think this is the only place on OH that's safe for a guy to do so)

Hey... look at it like I do maybe....what you've done is to "regain" the opportunity to take back control of your life. no one promised that WLS would make you into that GQ model - and while I've only been "in" the WLS loop for coming up to 3 years, it appears to me that many many - most maybe - got into the GQ mode by working at it and working HARD at getting fit, getting healthy and getting back your life! read Tim A's profile - Dx's profile for real role model help for instance....they worked HARD at this....and I do mean HARD!!!!!!!!!!! that all said, perhaps what you might consider (sorry, I dont' know about this) is to go to a trainer or a gym or some such exercise spot and speaking to someone about exercise. or maybe walking might appeal to you - you'd be surprised to learn what you can 'see' when you walk 20 miles a week. or take up bicycling, roller blading....find an exercise outlet that allows you to enjoy the exercise while you work on your GQ look..... DO NOT mean to imply that you are not doing any of this - nor do I mean any offence here either! what I mean is that hard work to get in shape - is achieved thru just that - hard work! :-) Jim

...So you went from 461 to 265ish and that is failure to you?  It sounds like you have done pretty well to me.  Can you tie your shoes now?  That would be cool.  As far as motivating others to have surgery, I think that is's a personal decison and you may never know that you were the reason they did it.  I would bet that people are more impresses than they let on.  Now on to the women.  Everyone knows they are nuts.  Try a prostitute!   There are no strings attached and in the end they probably cost less than a wife. I seriously hope that things start looking up for you.  Best of luck to you.

I originally looked at WLS as just a way to lose pounds, but after a few weeks I realized it was really an opportunity to change my life in many more ways. I realized that if for so many years I had sat on the couch wishing I could do all those events in the X-games, than I could not doing the same after WLS. What was my excuse for not doing all those things after I lost weight?  Mentally, I had built up a wishing habit, but as they say, wishing is a plan, with out any action. So by pushing myself into more social settings after work and on the weekends, and walking around the neighborhood or on hiking trails, and taking a yoga class were all part breaking out of my wishing habit and moving myself into action. Taking a painting class is not so much of a physical exercise, but its re-socialization training and it gives me an outlet for activity that is not associated with food or wasting away watching TV. I find that the women in yoga and in the painting classes are not in the classes to meet men, but they always seem to know a friend who is in on the market if you let them know you looking for someone.  Women love to play match maker. A frank, ”Do you have any friends who are looking for a date? I could really use some help meeting quality women." Is all they need to hear to put them into action screening women for you. Ask a few other women for similar help and you have your own date screening team into action. They may even throw in some useful tip on helping you out with accentuating the positive s and minimizing the negatives. What better way to meet women than to have their friends makes referrals for you? It cuts out a lot of cold calling when trying to meet women. And losing 200 lbs is a great start to reaching all your other goals. Herb

Annoyed? Hell yeah! Failure? Hell no. I'm in the mid 240s now. Stiil nowhere near my goal, and 25 lbs above my lowest, but I'm still  down 100 and doing stuff I haven't done since the ink on my first Bachelors was still wet.

200 pounds! So you aren't a candidate for People's Sexiest Man Alive edition. You are one heck of a lot healthier than you were, right? You've likely added years, perhaps decades to your lifespan. Life is precious. You've given yourself more of it. Explore the ways to progress with your doc, maybe an exercise guru. But please, amigo, don't "dis" the mountain you've moved! hang in there. You're doing great.

I am kinda new to the losers bench but, it seems to me that losing 200 lbs is GREAT. That is more than the average weight of 1 person. As to women I would do some serious thinking about the kind of woman I was interested in then look and see if the women I know/meet meet what you are looking for. If not, look for some different women. If you are looking for a fantasy save up your bucks and go to Vegas for a weekend. Most times it is cheaper to rent than buy. 

Atty, 200lbs gone is an amazing leap forward. Enjoy the advances you’ve made so far, even while looking ahead toward a yet better tomorrow. I’ve seen countless guys lose their weight with no problem. I’ve also seen many have some regain or stop losing Prior to reaching their Goal. Fortunately I’ve also seen many of these same guys Turn it around, get back on track and lose their remaining weight. WLS, no matter which procedure, is no ‘Magic Bullet.’ No such thing as “Fool-Proof.” It doesn’t promise a happier life, More action in one’s love-life, Or Joie de Vivre! Surgery should be viewed first and foremost “as a method for alleviating debilitating, chronic disease.” You’ve got that with the minus 200lbs. So Now? You want the rest? That one is up to you. Run a check list…. Are you following your Doc’s Protocols correctly? (even with the DS there are ‘compliance’ issues to deal with) Eating too many Low-Glycemic Carbs? Getting in some exercise? Eating sufficient protein, taking your supplements, getting your labs done, etc.? Simply- What are you eating? What are Doing? There are “Rules” that accompany ALL of the WLS Procedures. Check to make sure you are Following them. If there is some compulsive eating or self-sabotaging going on, Then deal with that aspect. Consult a Psychiatrist or Councilor who specializes in just such issues. They can offer coping ‘Tricks & Tips’  as well as insight Into motivation that can make the difference between Continuing the same path or Jump-Starting to Total Make-Over. Don’t sit back and wait for “The Surgery” to fix Life for you. It won’t. Only You can make a difference in you. Go get it! Life is Meant to Be LIVED! not endured…. Best Wishes- Dx

 

Hey Paul, Chalk this up to a bad day, and go back and re-read your Mother's Day post.   Remember all the accomplishments you listed there that you have experienced since your surgery?  You still have them. Not sure if you "journal" at all (we all do by posting on here) - but, take some time to actually LIST the postive things you're experiencing since your WLS.  And, start with that post you did on Mother's Day.  Seems like you've become a lawyer with his own practice since you had WLS.  That sure is worth a lot. I know we're guys, and we tend to think with our dicks a lot - but put the relationship/sex barometer aside for now, and look at the other areas of your life.   I'm very single right now, and noone is running after my saggy azz and deflated man-boobs - but, that doesn't define my success.   I do have my days where i look at that azz and and saggy moobs wishing i had a tight body like the guys in Men's Fitness, but that's not a definition of my success (please know i'm typing this as much for me as anyone else right now - it's good to remind myself of this!!!!!!!!!!!!). Hang in there, Paul - and focus on what is going right for you since you made the decision to have WLS.

I was 50 years old and weighed over 571 lbs when I had my WLS.  I knew that I would probably go from being super morbidly obese to simply being morbidly obese, i.e., I knew that my goal weight is where most men start their weight loss journey.  I'm mainting a 205 lb weight loss for the past year.  I wi**** were more, but both I and my PCP know that I would have been dead if I didn't have the WLS.  So,  let's see...the surgery saved my life.  Was it worth it?  Yep!  Do I still have problems?  Yep again.  But, I accept myself more now than I did in 2000.  Heck, you've read my posts.  I can still barely walk.  But, I don't consider myself a failure.  And, many people who knew me when I was huge have been influenced into considering the surgery.