i got burned

last january a woman responded to a lonely hearts  advert i placed in a local newspaper she said she was 60 but when we met she said she was 61(1st lie) and to cut a long story short we called it a day by early feb 2007, because we just did not get on well at all. since then we have tried several times to try again but it never worked. last month i finally had had enough of her messing me around so i changed my cell phone number so that she cant send me any messages or call me. thursday night she called my house phone and left a bitter message on it. friday evening she called and put on the charm saying she was sorry and can we meet today and have lunch together? like a fool i decided to overlook the fact that she has a habit of promising and then going back on her promises at the last minute. so i accepted her suggestion....as usual she was really acting up and falsely being nice. yesterday evening i phoned for confirmation of todays date? and as i suspected, she made excuses but said she was still coming. went out this morning, got home checked my phone messages and as i suspected she had convienently called whilst i was out...i told her i would be out between 10am-11am. oh sorry trevor...please dont be upset but i feel sick(if i told you how many times she played that one on me i would be typing all day and night)so i wont be able to make it. ok i'll talk to you another time...hangs up. now dont get me wrong, i respect and acknowledge everyone's right to change their minds, and it may be that she was genuinely sick. but i doubt her very much because of my experience of her doing that to me on serveral occassions and each time she used her false charm to win me over and just when i am expecting her to turn up, she phones or txts to say she is not feeling well. now i know the age gap between us is wide but i didnt mind. what has put me off completely is her childish manipulative attitude. when she wants to be fussed over she plays the whoa is me drama queen act and milks it dry then she throws it back in your face without a care in the world. today i finally did the right thing and got my housephone number changed. it wont be active till tommorow so there is still a chance she will call again and try to win me over. i swore last time if she called again i would hang up but instead i decided to give her another chance and of course she just threw it back in my face. i managed to speak to her briefly this morning before she hung up on me. all i said was please dont call me anymore. she doesnt know i changed my number and i would bet my life that give it a few weeks when she thinks i have got over the final hurt, she will call again to play me again....but what a shock she will get when all she gets is "this number has not be recognized, please hang up" she will feel frustrated beyond words! and she will only have her sad self to blame. i dont want or need a woman who gets off on playing mind games....that is the cruelest game of all to play against a man or visa versa. the bible desribes women like her as the "strange woman" the one that stands on the street corners looking for her prey and her method is to appeal to what is natural...i dont need to go into detail. her lips keep dripping with honey like words and of course the foolish man is won over and the after effects is bitter than woodworm and is akin to having one's heart run through. that is the way i feel. my mistake was i failed to act on the warning and i paid the price. and why? because like women of her sort she appeals to the fact that all men have a need for s-x and when it offered to you on a plate sometimes it is hard to say no. but i now know through bitter experience that it is better to say no. the look at me and satisfy yourself attitude is everywhere. and as always they exploit the side of men that have a need for s-x and because that sort of thing is acceptable nowadays it has spread like a disease. my advice to young inexperienced men is to never allow yourselves to be ensnared in that way. afterall if someone told you go and steal from a shop you wouldnt do it would you? well heed too the advice from the bible to flee(or literally run away)from fornication because not only is it a sin but it always leaves you hurt all over and it takes a long time to get over it. plus always value your clean conscience. you are born with it clean..leave with it clean if you can....and you can too! if you are fortunate to be born to parents who wisely live by bible principles. it is only natural to want s-x but just like we cannot take food unless we first pay for it...likewise the entry fee for s-x is "marriage" if you pay the entry fee you can take...otherwise  steer clear of "the strange woman" take my word for it...ive been there and have the scars too... i know that was completely off topic and if it is deleted i will understand and i am sorry if it broke the rules, but i think that it is of importance because this is something that is destroying the relationship between men and women. the strange woman is like a deep well full of rocks and sharp things...if you fall in you are sure to come out hurt all over. is it really worth it? afterall is it not the shoplifter that gets arrested and jailed but the honest  customers  go home and eat to their hearts content  and a have clean conscience. follow that example and you cant go wrong.  

It sounds like breaking all ties is a smart thing, in this situation.  It is so hard to do, it feels good to be wanted, even if it is to be wanted by a psycho she devil, who has a detrimental effect on your mental health.

There are good women out there.  Decide what you want out of a relationship and the qualities that you want that women to have, then go out and find her.   I know before I met my wife, I dated more than my fair share of psycho women, who ended up making me think I was the one with the problem!

Jim 

jim thanks so much for responding and offering some wise advice. i'm not ashamed to admit that even now i am fighting back tears when i think how gullible i was to fall for her tricks again. if anything is because i am lonely and yes i do appreciate the company of a woman, but i have finally learned to say no to s-x. it is painful to do but well worth it because not only do i retain a clean conscience but also with time i will get stronger and not be reeled in easily anymore. i mean dont get me wrong, i'm not saying i have never dumped a woman and i do change my mind quickly so i got faults too but in the case of this woman she does these things and then just walks away, you dont hear from her for ages then she is back again playing the sympathy card and even though i promised i would never give in to her, i always did. but today i made a decision to change my phone number and from tomorow  she will not be able to contact me again. if she writes i will tear up her letters and not respond. no this woman does not understand when a  man says "enough already" if i told you how many times i asked her to leave me alone you would not believe me. give it a few weeks when she feels the urge to play me again, all she will get is the number is not available message. she only has herself to blame....if you keep kicking something eventually it will cave in. she obviously did not value me otherwise she would have not treated me like that. but jim you know deep down i did not want to change my cell phone number or my housephone because call me crazy, but i still like her but i know that it could never ever work out...no way. last year she stormed out in the middle of the night and got lost and ended up having to call me. now i could have said tough you stormed out and now you are lost i dont care good bye and slam down the phone! but instead i asked her to give me a descrpition of where she was...jumped on my bike and went and found her and patiently waited till she saw the sense to come back up stairs. and then she sat and sulked till morning. i'm gonna miss her so much but i cant take anymore of being kicked in the teeth. maybe i should be more long suffering but even i know when it is time to give someone up as a lost cause. plus it is too late for me to turn back because the order has gone through to change my number and i flushed her cell phone number down the pan so its really over now. i know deep down she still wants me because she wont let me go even when i ask her to. but i dont want to be hurt anymore jim i cant take anymore from her. she was so nice and charming on friday cold and abrupt on saturday and arrogant and insensitive on sunday. no one is perfect but those were choices she made...she did not have to hurt me but she choose to. and if i know her as well as i think i do, she will be regretting it now but it is too late.

Hey Trevor, Sounds like you're having a tough time - hang in there bud, it will get better.   The relationship you're describing sounds very toxic to me.  I'm not sure if you have any addiction issues with your eating, but you might want to look at any similarities when it comes to relationships.  There is a reason you keep going back to a relationship that is giving you nothing but grief, and it goes much deeper than your physical desire for sex.  We all have a basic need for emotional intimacy, and many times (especially if we have addiction issues), emotional intimacy gets mixed up with physical intimacy. Be prepared for the possibility that you will see her again.  If she shows up on your doorstep, are you going to move?  Changing your phone numbers is a good step, but it won't establish the solid boundaries you need to maintain a healthy distance from her. Best of luck to you, and feel free to email me if you'd like to talk more.

hi chuck i just to say thanks for writing, you made alot of sense in what you wrote and it has given me food for thought so thank you. btw i spoke to my ex yesterday and sadly there is no hope of us getting together anymore

You're welcome Trevor.  Sounds like you've trying to force that relationship into being something it's not.  With your decision for WL Surgery and making this change for yourself, it's great timing to look at what role food has played in your life (is it filling an emotional void like it does for so many of us?). Once the food is gone, a lot of us turn to other things (relationships, exercise, alcohol, etc)....   Hang in there Trevor, it's a very common thing you're going through - and just like you're putting closure on your over-eating and other unhealthy choices, this is a great time to put closure on this relationship.

hi chuck thanks again for  responding i appreciate your advice. deep down i am very insecure and i tend to rush into relationships and they rarely last. regarding my ex and I, i think we both made a unwise choice in getting together so quickly, plus the age gap inevitably would cause frustration somewhere down the line. as i was saying to her yesterday i feel sad that we started of well but it ended quickly and in tears. i'm trying to resist the urge to phone her anymore because all it does it make me miss her. as for a few of the guys that were asking why i went out with a older lady? because i was attracted to her and although i had a feeling it wouldnt last, i still thought it was worthwhile. whether i will date another mature woman? i'm not sure. thanks again chuck, you gave me some good advice there. regards Trevor

My Pleasure Tevor.  Hang in there.  Age is just a number - don't get hung up on that piece of it.  Look at the other issues involved. Best of luck with everything.

hey listen, if you end up calling her for any reason don't use your new cell or house phone as that number will pop up. you don't want to waste all that effort only for her to get it again!

time will heal all. well, sometimes. hang tough. soon enough you'll see the sun shining again and it'll look like a pretty nice day to be out and about......carbonblob

I read the first line of your tale of woe and thought this must be a frickin' joke. Is it? If it isn't, mind if I ask why a youngster like you is doing messing around with such an elderly woman? "she said she was 60 but when we met she said she was 61(1st lie)" Boner