Please help... husband is scared of surgery, with every right to be...

~tuna raises hand~ can I ask a question of you GUYS? I am going to try to keep this as short and sweet as possible… I tend to get long-winded… My husband and I are both obese and we both were supposed to have WLS’s… During the pre-op testing they found H. Pylori in his stomach. The treatment our doctor provided was two weeks of antibiotics to try to get rid of it. Their process is to then perform an endoscopy to ensure that the antibiotics took care of the bacteria. Unfortunately there was mishap during his scope. Doug (my hubby) has a lot of health conditions, including but not limited to sleep apnea; which is the #1 reason we were considering him for WLS in the first place. During his scope he “stopped breathing”. Come to find out – the anesthesiologist pushed too much anesthesia too fast and it caused him to stop breathing. They pulled the scope out as quickly as possible to start “bagging him”. The back of his throat and top of his mouth has not been the same since; they damaged it pretty good during the procedure. It was a very scary moment in both of our lives. To watch your s.o get wheeled off for what was supposed to be a quick and easy procedure and the next thing you know you were inches from being a widow; with a newborn at home to boot. In recovery- the (asshole) anesthesiologist kept coming by, several times, to check on him. He kept up with frivolous bull**** saying that my hubby was “too fat” and his throat closed down on the scope. We requested to talk to the head of anesthesiology - he just blew smoke up our asses. He said that he would be there for the actual bypass. But the problem is- my dear, sweet hubby is now refusing the surgery all together after this incident! I am at a loss here!! We were supposed to get healthy together!!! Now I feel incredibly alone in this journey. I don’t know what to say to him about this. I should know my husband more than anyone, but this subject is so sensitive- I am not sure where the boundaries are. At first I kept pushing the issue that he still needs to have the surgery, but recently I have backed off with my opinions. He seems to think that he can do it on his own, but not to seem like an unsupportive pessimist- he’s not going to be able to. What are your words of wisdom? Please don’t tell me to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine… I am here for a MALE opinion on THIS, nothing else. If I wanted any female opinions I would have posted this on the main board… Thanks so much guys!! PS- sorry it didn't stay as short as I promised...

Hi Mary,

That is so sad about your hubbie's scope experience - this surgery is scary enough without having that happen before-hand.

I've been a social worker (psychotherapist) for 20 years, and your hubby is actually in a better position to be supervised closely during his surgery now because of this experience, than he was before. Escpecially since you were so pro-active in talking to department head about your experience with the scope.

I would make sure you keep in contact with the head of anestheseology to ensure close monitoring during his surgery, and make sure the guy that was involved in his scope is nowhere near the OR on his surgery date.

We are/were all scared for this surgery - but being "GUYS" most of us don't talk about it. I was 550 pounds when i had my surgery, and was extremely high risk for anesthesia because of my size, and I was genuinely scared that I wouldn't survive the surgery. But, I also knew that I needed to have the surgery if I wanted to survive.

Please share this info with hubby, and feel free to have him email me or post more on here. The guys on this board are great - and can offer him great support as he faces these scary issues.

Best of luck.
Chuck (hey, i made a rhyme)

You can't force him to do anything. Get the surgery yourself. Get as hot as you can get. Then, and only then, will he get the surgery, more out of insecurity than anything else, but he'll get it. Good luck! Ben

Give him some time to settle down. He may change his mind. Have him talk to his general Dr. and try to get assurances that there will be a different gas passer during his procedure. I'm pretty sure that the hospital will do this anyway. Remind him that there are certainly risks involved with any surgery, but his untimely demise due to obesity is all but certain if he does not have WLS. Get him to come here and talk to us directly. Good luck Doug

For me, I was willing to risk the surgery because of the long term illnesses that come with obesity. I was on insulin, I have a CPAP, and my liver levels were taking a nose dive.

I recently lost my mom during a liver transplan****ching her go trough dialysis for her kidneys due to all of the medication it took fer her to keep her first transplant going was the worst thing i ever experienced. Basically every system in her body was shutting down because of the treatment she had to go on due to liver issues. When the Doctor told me that I could possibly have NASH and my liver could be effected that is when I decided to have the surgery. My mom was the strongest person I know and I could never go through what she did, so I am not about to risk developing any issues.

For me the decision was easy, it means a better longer life.

i had problems with my gas passer too. they tried for an hour and half to get it down my throat. i was first in line and backed everyone up for the day. they finally gave up and put it down my nose. same problem. my neck takes a weird turn and they can't get it down. when i came to i had a bloody nose for days. well, can't really add more than for him to come here and take up some of the advice given. nobody here or you for that matter is going to change his mind. i'm sure he's pretty freaked out right now. maybe just give him time.

oh, these are the kind of posts we will respond to so don't worry about posting here with your problem. tell him we're behind him and he ought to come here and just talk. nobody is going to tell him what to do but we will listen. sometimes that's the best medicine. in the meantime do what you're doing, taking care of your man.....carbonblob

I will only echo what others have said, if he has made his mind up and dug in his heels nagging is only going to harden his resolve not to have the surgery. At least that is what I would do. The best thing is to support him and give him time to think about it and get over the ordeal. In time he will probably come back to the place he was that had him considering surgery in the first place. Tell him to come hear and lurk or jump right in, as you can see others have had similar problems.  pan head

Young Tuna....  your man went through a near-death experience.  Fat and alive is always better than fat & dead      First thing that I would do is take the hospital and gas-doc to task for the throat damage.  We have a resident ambulance chaser that may be able to assist with the ass-sueing    Talk with the hospital's Risk Management people and chew their asses.  This will at least insure that they make sure the sawbones hasn't been drinking before the procedure next time. This proposed dust-up with the quacks will have the added benefit of getting your Husband's balls in an uproar.  Fighting mad means that he will be willing to fight again, perhaps for the surgery 

      Did someone call???                        my card  -->        [ h.... <== $$ ]

  but seriously ..  I have handled two med malp cases in the past that are in a way similar to what apparently happened to your husband ..  In one, the paramedics recklessly and forcibly used an adult-sized endotracheal tube on a toddler ..  The unfortunate kid's head had been run over by his dad's car when he (the dad, not the 3-year-old) was backing out of their driveway (yes, gents, please check behind your car BEFORE backing out if you have young children in your home!)   Amazingly, the kid survived (he'll probably grow up to be a linebacker for the Cowboys), thanks to the paramedics and air-ambulance @ $8K per trip ..  Unfortunately, the kid will have to have monthly operations on his throat, likely for life, and here's why ...    The physical trauma caused to the tot's pharynx by the forcible insertion of the over-sized trach (geez, that almost sounds sexual) ..  caused scar tissue to eventually form around his larynx area ..  The scar tissue decreased the size of the air opening from the throat to the lungs there .  Surgery can be done and is done to remove the scar tissue as much as possible, but, guess what?   the surgical removal of the scar tissues causes more scar tissue to eventually form in that area as the site of the removed tissue heals back up ..   It's a vicious Catch-22, with usually the opening getting smaller and smaller with each successive operation ..   The last I heard the airway opening was down to the diameter of  about a drinking straw, headed toward straightpinville ..   It was around that time that we, unfortunately, had no choice but to drop the claim, thanks to tort reform in Texas law ..   Our lovely med malp laws have a special exception now for emergency medical service providers that basically exempts them from any liability for their actions/inactions, no matter how incompetent, unless you can show practically that they intended to harm the patient by what they did ...   Maybe they don't like screaming tots any more than I do, but that's not enough to show they wanted to wring his little neck   &8-(     (and thanks, Governor-Now-President Bush!)