It's all good, but it's all new, too

Warning. This is a long one. Maybe it will mean something to someone else, too, though. Entering my fifth week post-op, and that initial rush that comes with the procedure has tempered somewhat. Oh, I'm not discouraged in any way. It's more a matter of having established the routine -- 2-ounce meals, exercise, battling the mental patterns that kept me fat for, well, decades. There is no physical hunger. But food became a drug-of-choice to escape. Escape what? Anxiety, boredom, sadness, loneliness, self-doubts, etc. Now, I have to face those moments head on . . . and it's not easy. But, I'm doing it. The escape formerly used to avoid dealing with the feelings is, literally, cut off. So, there's more emphasis on dealing with what is identifiable -- accepting, rather than fleeing, those feelings. And, the escape sought now is flight from the "food trance" thoughts -- literally seeing yourself making a sandwich, grabbing cookies, etc., when the emotional discomfort washes against your soul like a series of ocean waves. What do I do? First, I try to think out what's bugging me . . . then reminding myself the mental images of food escape are destructive and don't help one damn bit. (Literally, damn, and many of you will know exactly what I mean). Having, hopefully, done that, I change my mental, even physical environment. Turn off the TV, get up and go outside with the dogs. Walk. Hit the gym. Take a book out to the patio, or my Bible. Listen to music, surf the Web, get out of the house. Changing where you are, mentally, spiritually, physically -- whatever it takes. These are deliberate acts to detour what had been an addictive, habitual escape mechanism. It may be like this for the rest of my life. If so, that's fine. What to the AA folks say? A day at a time? Well, yes; sometimes even a thought, an act at a time. . . . Another adjustment for me: My "Bullsh*tometer" (sorry, but it fits; and see, it exists as picture right indicates) has been taxed significantly in the past few weeks. Work stress seems to take more psychic energy to deal with -- or I have less of it right now -- that before the operation. I end the say mentally exhausted, frustrated . . . though in the back of my mind, that quieter place of my consciousness, I know it "don't mean nothin', not a thing," as some of my Vietnam vet friends used to say. It's also another good reason -- besides preventing blood clots -- to get up every 90 minutes or so at the office and go out on the patio, look at the city below, breath the air (cough), walk around for a few minutes. Hey, it's all good. But it's also all new. (I blog on this WLS thing, and other things. If you're interested:  remims.blogtspot.com)

That was a very nice read. Thanks for posting.

Thanks for sharing.  I am 7 weeks out and I have been struggling with the actual, Hard, realization that this is permanent.  Mentally I knew from the beginning but it is actually hitting home now.  When you are on a diet you can reward yourself with a day off, take a break, whatever you want to call it but for us there is no break.  The things I used to really like to eat, Ice cream, a good steak, fried chicken, are gone.  Is it a good thing?  absolutely.  Is it hard to adjust to?  Very.  I have always been a big eater, an extra large pizza and wings was nothing for me.  Now, 3 to 4 small bites chewed well and I am DONE, that is hard to adjust too as well. Fortunately I am busy enough to keep my mind off these things most of the time and having you guys to relate to really helps.  I guess the best part is that the prize will definitely be worth the race.  Sorry if I hijacked your thread but your post just really helped me put words on what has been bugging me this week that I haven't been able to verbalize. Steve

Thanks for this. Exactly what I was talking about. And thanks for the encouragement.

Dx

Remin, Well if there’s one thing I can’t stand, It’s a long post! 5^th week out? Keep establishing new habits and new routines. When you get past year two It’s the habits that will make it easy (or hard if they are the ‘old habits.’) My favorite old Greek- Aristotle-  says- “All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: Chance, Nature, Compulsion, Habit, Reason, Passion, and Desire.” He Continues- “We Are what we repeatedly Do. Excellence, then, is not an Act, But a Habit.”     Sounds like you are in the midst of building some great ones! Keep it Up! Best Wishes- Dx

 

Good stuff. Thanks.