Overeaters Anonymous

Scott; Step 3 is kind of the same as deciding to have WLS. Once the decision is done and is behind you and you give up the control thing. It is SOOOOOOO much better on the other side. It is not about all the other people you have known that were Christians and failed in some way, we all fail every day. It is about you and a relationship with God and yes you will fail in some way also but just as you would not give up on your son if he made a bad decision and regrets it, God does not give up on you.  Your problem is indeed a hard one, personal pride affects us all, some people never get over it but thankfuly MANY DO!

I hope this makes sense.  I jumped around a bit while writing it. All right.  Here are my thoughts on OA.  It will work if you work it. The whole concept of "how do you control something that you have to do" took a minute to grasp.  When my dad quit smoking he said, "I will never put another cigarette to my mouth again".  It's a pretty simple concept.  Food is different because you have to eat.  The meetings I went, people would identify themselves as "compulsive overeaters" and some threw in "sugar addicts"  The idea is to make a meal plan and stick to it.  Some people have to eliminate sugar.  Others control portions by weighing food. Here is why I need OA.  90% of the time I wake up my first thought is "what am I going to eat".  If I have any money or spare change on me at work, it's going in the crap food machine.  If I buy ice cream, I can't not eat it in about 2 days.  There are probably 15-20 indicators that say that I am a compulsive overeater.  I admit it. Step 1 - I am powerless over food and my life has become unmanageable. -  check! Step 2 - I believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. - check! step 3 - Decide to turn my life and will over to god as I understand him - not so much? I guess that I am a bit of a control freak because this is where I get stuck.  Step 3 of 12? I only attended 3 meetings.  I was asked to attend at least 6 before deciding that I did or didn't want to do it.  I will say that my meetings had 13-16 people and 6 or 7 were men so that wasn't an issue.  My problem was getting past the god thing.  I am not very religious and I have trouble with putting my faith in god to help me through.  I do absolutely believe the theory that if you have been trying all your life to get your weight in check alone and it hasn't worked then some outside help is needed.   Another problem I had was that there was no "beginner" course.  I am more of a step by step guy.  I like what's expected to be laid out for me.  You walk in and it's business as usual.  No one told me what was going on and I felt like I was expected to talk immediately.  They said that you could pass but nobody else did.  I just meet these people and was very uncomfortable talking in front of them.  I felt like they were all nice and kind people but at the some time, everyone is talking about some pretty peosonal **** That being said, everyone could use a 12 step program for something and I should be an active OA member.  All it really is is striving to be better.  I think OA is a great program and judging by the fact that 90% of the people at my meetings appeared to be in a healthy range, it must work if you work it.   Every Saturday morning and weekday evening that I am off, I know that I should be at a meeting because I am a compulsive overeater and the program will help of you allow it to help.  I say keep going and let it help you.

I totally agree.  I have been an on and off OQ member myself.  Step three is also where I get stuck.  There is an answer to those of us who have trouble with the "GOD" concept. I know some people in the program who simply focus on the concept of a power outside of ourselves.  This "power" can be the group itself and the support you get from the others.  In this way you don't have to stuggle with deep theological concepts and move on to getting better.  The program does work when you work it.  I am trying to work it now and I would say to anyone else, try it.  If it works for you, thats good.

I have been involved in weekly OA meetings since a month before my surgery (about 5 months).  I was an addictions counselor for a lot of years and I thought no way this would work for me (I know everything, of course).  What I found as I stuck with it was that a) I felt better about myself when I left; b) I was more aware of my compulsive eating habits c) I thought more about my agnostic beliefs and questioned myself on this d) I looked forward to going back. Sometimes I like the OA meetings more than the WLS meetings, but usually it is the other way around.  When the WLS meetings are full of pre-surgery people and the "old timers" resort to giving endless amounts of advice I get bored.  I think that is valuable but sometimes it isn't what I am looking for. I have wrestled many addiction demons all my life.  I agree with Scott that food is a different animal because abstinance is not an option.  But OA is preaching abstinance from COMPULSIVE eating, not healthy eating.  I think I am learning the difference in OA and that is helping me.  As I move into the fifth month post-surgery I am feeling cravings and bad habits creeping-up on me.  OA is helping me recognize this and not beat myself up so bad for it. On another note, I have found a lot of antipathy towards WLS people in OA.  They seem to be the biggest proponents of WLS as "the easy way out."  I've gotta tell you, though, that sitting there with a 400 pound man or woman telling me how doing it the natural way is working for them because they have lost 50 pounds over the last year and a half just doesn't convince me.  I don't say that of course, because I recognize everyone does waht they do. Finally, I have found that sitting in a room full of people all struggling with obesity or food issues is good for me.  Reminds me who I am in some way. CB

Maybe this is my perception of this, as I've never been to an OA meeting - or anything of the sort.. You have to realize, I'm speaking sort of half out of my ass here.  I don't know the 12 steps.  My addictions, thus far, are things I've beat on my own.  (Smoking - just stopped one day.  Drinking wasn't a serious issue for me.) Eating is a different animal. Eating is a necessary habit.  However, as with all habits, you can retrain yourself in how you think about it. If OA is going to work for you - go for it.  Personally, rather than putting my trust in some "power" or even God, I'd much rather take responsibility for my own actions and just change the habit. Am I perfect?  By no means.  I don't even try to be.  I just try to be better today than I was yesteray, and plan to be better tomorrow. I went to a few WLS support meetings.  It really does seem most of the energy of those meetings are geared towards educating the newbies.  While that is a very vital aspect to it, I really think that if they're going to expect people to keep going, they need to change it a bit to where it really is a resource for post-ops as well. The Men's board has been my 'support group', as has my wife.  So far, at 22 months, I've lost 370lbs.  I'm at 280 lbs - if I never lose another pound, this has been a gigantic success.  Would I like to lose more?  Sure.  More will be coming off as they remove skin.  Am I obsessing about it?  No.  Sharpei puppy jokes aside, I'm not. Bottom line is, you have to do what's going to work for you.  IF that's OA, then go for it.   Good luck!

When I first went to OA about 30 years ago, I was compulsively overeating and I was a mental and emotional wreck.  I knew I had an eating problem at that time, but I didn't know about the mental & emotional problems.  They wouldn't even be addressed for another 10 years.  So, it was hard for OA to work for me.  Regular groups were really worthless. HOWEVER, I did get really good help from an all male group that met in Clifton NJ and had about 200 members.  There was a normal meeting once a week and a step meeting on another day.  Unfortunately, none of the other meetings even came close.  There's just something inherently strong about men helping each other.   I suggest that you contact the hotline numbers in your area and see if there are any men's groups.  Once I moved to S Jersey, there were none on this side of the Delaware River.  I think there may be one in Philly and another in its western suburbs.  So, it seems they may be around larger cities.