Looking Forward to Some Nautical Farts
A week from today we set sail for the Mexican Riviera 
I've never been on a cruise, but from what I've seen from watching Love Boat it looks like one hell of a party 
Here's some farts that I have imagined will be accomplished underway:
1. Walking down the railing without having the ship list 10 degrees.
2. Fitting through all the doorways and hatches without the use of KY jelly.
3. Heading for the chow line without entire families scurrying to beat me to the grub - not eating myself into a coma everyday.
4. Getting "busy" on our balcony.
5. Jumping in the pool without it overflowing over the side and taking small children in the massive tsunami.
Edit: thought of a couple more.....
6. Not being assigned my own lifeboat.
7. Having the ship's horn blow... and nobody thinking the noise came from within me.
and in port:
1. Going on a para-sail ride behind a speedboat instead of a tugboat.
2. Doing a cannonball next to the cliff divers in Acapulco.
3. Kayaking up an lagoon (I do that anyhow, but it will be more fun in Mexico)
4. Not having the locals refer to me as "El Gordo".
5. Outrunning "El Jefe" after lighting an M-80 behind him (well, maybe next trip).
But MOST of all, trading in my recent 60 hour weeks for a sunny fun filled adventure with my wife
I've never been on a cruise, but from what I've seen from watching Love Boat it looks like one hell of a party Here's some farts that I have imagined will be accomplished underway:
1. Walking down the railing without having the ship list 10 degrees.
2. Fitting through all the doorways and hatches without the use of KY jelly.
3. Heading for the chow line without entire families scurrying to beat me to the grub - not eating myself into a coma everyday.
4. Getting "busy" on our balcony.
5. Jumping in the pool without it overflowing over the side and taking small children in the massive tsunami.
Edit: thought of a couple more.....
6. Not being assigned my own lifeboat.
7. Having the ship's horn blow... and nobody thinking the noise came from within me.
and in port:
1. Going on a para-sail ride behind a speedboat instead of a tugboat.
2. Doing a cannonball next to the cliff divers in Acapulco.
3. Kayaking up an lagoon (I do that anyhow, but it will be more fun in Mexico)
4. Not having the locals refer to me as "El Gordo".
5. Outrunning "El Jefe" after lighting an M-80 behind him (well, maybe next trip).
But MOST of all, trading in my recent 60 hour weeks for a sunny fun filled adventure with my wife 
Great list you have put together, Baja. 
I thought maybe the fellas and I can add to it, so here are a couple more: 1) Not having the captain have to "balance the load" while you're peering over the edge.....2) not having to hear the mandatory "thar she blows" chant from the crowd as you take off your shirt for a quick dip in the pool or.........3) when you appear on deck in your speedo, having the term "moby dick" be a sign of admiration for the size of your manhood rather than your girth.....
Have a great trip, man!! (a little Hai Karate if you please) Boner
I thought maybe the fellas and I can add to it, so here are a couple more: 1) Not having the captain have to "balance the load" while you're peering over the edge.....2) not having to hear the mandatory "thar she blows" chant from the crowd as you take off your shirt for a quick dip in the pool or.........3) when you appear on deck in your speedo, having the term "moby dick" be a sign of admiration for the size of your manhood rather than your girth.....
Have a great trip, man!! (a little Hai Karate if you please) Boner 
Do they still make that stuff ? ( Hai Karate )
I can remember that stuff in the men's room at bars , drop a quarter in the machine and it sprayed it out .There was English leather , Jad East , And Hai Karate . All of this was right next to the rubber( ribed for her pleasure ) machine , all of this for only a quarter . Such a deal !!
Leave the drum at home and just but it out of the mens room !!! LOL
Have a great time , bring pic's when ya come back .
Best wishes
Nick
Nick, I think they had to take Hai Karate off the market - it was causing too many unplanned pregnancies, STD's, paternity lawsuits, etc.... There was good reason that they dispensed it next to the "jimmy hats" in those machines.
Of course, I got wind of the discontinuation of this product.... and have it stocked by the barrel in my bunker. That **** is like crack to poontang If you remember the old TV advertisements, they would include a karate instructional booklet in each box... so a guy could fend off the ravenous ****crazed *****
If you remember the old TV advertisements, they would include a karate instructional booklet in each box... so a guy could fend off the ravenous ****crazed *****
Baja,
You can add to that, that they won't assign you to a room in the center of the ship to balance it in the waves!
You have to be careful on the cruise. I had a friend that went on a cruise with his wife, and I don't know if he was drunk or if the lights were on low in the room when they came back to the room at night, but he didn't see that the maid put chocolates on his bed and he jumped in. When he woke up in the morning and pulled the sheets aside he thought he **** himself. We laugh about it now.
Have a great trip and if you get "busy " on your balcony just remember there are cameras everywhere today, and we'll see it on you tube! 
Dan
Dan 
A guy can't even enjoy a little "self romance" on the high seas without Big Brother getting in his business.
"Taking matters into my own hands" on our upper deck balcony was one of the deciding factors in booking this cruise.
"Look out below" !! 
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