My Secret Identity Was Almost Exposed At Wal-Mart Last Night
as Methane Man, of course ..
I was standing in the checkout line when that packet of Famous Anus Chocolate Chip Cookies I ate out of the vending machine earlier in the day, right after my protein bar, (yes, I admit I sinned for the Holiday weekend) began to make tiself urgently felt. I tried as best I could to squelch the uprising, but it eventually escaped. I don't think anybody heard it (including the gal behind me in line), but at 10 ft. per second it made its presence rapidly known to everyone in the line behind me, in front of me, and next to me .... (ut oh - Code "Green"!) &:-x)
I first learned my "passage" was having a deleterious effect on innocent bystanders when the cashier from the register in the line next to mine came over to our cashier to get some change. I heard her remark to her co-worker in a low voice, "wow .. I think someone made some gas" .. Her co-worker responded, "yeah .. there's some gas alright", or some words to that effect ... They both then chuckled .. I ignored them and began fumbling with my cellphone and pretended to be making a call on it, to avoid suspicion .. Glancing around the two lines surreptitiously though I could see some gals were sniffing and looking about with a disgusted look on their faces, while some of the ladies had more of a painful expression on theirs, as though they had unexpectedly ran face-first into a glass wall or something. A few of the scant guys in the lines were looking daggers at everyone around them, as though trying to figure out who that SOB was that was responsible for the odious assault on their senses ..
Perhaps to defuse the situation I should have yelled my trademark slogan out to the crowd: "Free gas for everyone!" ... But then, they would have known that, alas, I was none other than Methane Man ..
I opted to pay for my purchases in silence instead and quickly left the scene .. My job there was done ..

Alan Hartman
Obesity Help. Com Certified Support Group Leader.
OH groups leader of the Men's Locker Room Support Group
Come join the Men’s Locker Room online support group. A place where only us guys can post and talk. www.obesityhelp.com/group/bigal2029_group
Proud to be in the “Before and After photo section in OH Magazine. (September/October 2009) and in the May 2010 issue of 417 Magazine (Losing it)



