Separation/Divorce after WLS?

Separation/Divorce after WLS? It just hit me that I seem to see a lot of posts on this board and others where there is a separation and/or divorce after WLS. It also seems to happen more often when a husband has WLS surgery as opposed to when the wife has the surgery.  My wife and I have been married 36+ years and she is fully supportive of me. However,she is somewhat scared due to my heart problems (pacemaker, stent, CHF). We talk about how much more enjoyable life will be after I lose this excess weight - more motorcycle trips, going to the gym together again, etc.  Just wondering if the results after WLS surgery is the main issue or something else is the cause.  (By the way, if the WLS surgery is the cause of the divorce, I know a couple of dudes who will sign up for it tomorrow!  )

WLS has done more things for my relationship than anything else that i have tried!  Just keep peach other involved and remember you were friends first!

That's what I was thinking - it would enhance a relationship.  Like I said, my wife is fully supportive although a little scared for me due to my heart problems. But I really feel for the guys (or gals)who are about to go through this or have gone through this and then get hit with separation/ divorce.

Bob, I think a lot of it has to do with your relationship before the surgery.  In your case it sounds like you have a great relationship.  It doesn't sound like your wife is worried about what will happen after you lose the weight she is just concerned about your health.  This will enhance your health so you should be good to go.  Just keep the communication open and let her talk about how she feels and I'm sure you both will do great and be stronger together than ever.

There's some pretty specific research on the subject.  I don't remember but it has a lot to do with whether or not you married an obese partner or if the obesity was present prenuptially.  If I recall correctly, people who lose weight who have been life-long obese tend to have less experience dealing with flirting and come-ons and boundry setting.  It is smart to be concerned and talk about it! So far my marriage is simply getting better all the time, because I am getting better all the time and my family in general is more focused on their health and being healthy than ever before.  That's a wonderful side-effect of my surgeery! CB

These statistics I've been seeing are somewhat startling but on our wedding day, I was pretty trim and fit and my wife was much heavier than she is today. Right now she is about 60 pounds under our wedding day and I'm about 70 pounds plus.

I just have to keep focusing on the positive and remember that with God in the center of my relationship with my wife, no surgery is going to come between us.

All I know is my ol' lady better start putting out pretty soon. Don't tell me how good I look. Show me by getting those ankles in the air.  Or that modified doggiestyle position's ok too. I gave her the benefit of the doubt when I weighed 450. Hell I wouldn't have wanted my naked body up against me either. But once I'm down under 300, the damned gravy train better get some momentum.  Of course if you're reading this honey, I'm kidding. Kinda sorta.  P.S.  Just remember: Teeth bad.  Lips good.    P.P.S.S. And I'll even take a hand job in a pinch. PPPSSS. And talking dirty to me is kinda cool too.

Fish - you be 1 wild and crazy guy!!

I think the dynamics of the relationship change a lot post-surgery - a fact that I am even now learning to deal with. When I was around 440, my weight was a great focus for her with regards to refusing sex.  And as much as I wanted it, how could I blame her?  Yeah, the ol' self-image really sux for the super-morbidly obese. Now I'm down to nearly 300.  Still got about 100 to lose, but a H*LL of a lot more svelte than I was.  You'd think that maybe the wife would show some interest now, wouldn't you?  Well, you'd be wrong. So, since a drop from 440 to 300 has not changed her desire for me one iota, I have no faith that a further drop of 100 pounds is somehow going to flip the switch of desire in her.  At the same time, OTHER women have noticed.  They're friendlier and smile more.  It's a reality of life.  And to be honest, it IS nice to be noticed by women.  Hey, I'm a guy.  We're kinda hard-wired for it, ya know? I can recognize the dangers here.  But I don't know what to do about it...      

Well Bama,  As you know, I am one of the unfortunate ones who saw my marriage dissolve after WLS. The dynamics of our marriage changed tremendously and the rest, as they say, is history. The dynamics I speak of primarily relate to me as I changed ....... FROM: a lethargic, depressed, barely able to get to work, put a frickin' gun to my head, super-morbidly obese, worthless pile (note the prior sense of low self-esteem )  TO: ta....daaaa...... an ordinary, average joe who's pretty darn good in cycling.  To make a long story short, I was a grumpy old bear prior to WLS (no explanation necessary) and a grumpy old bear immediately after WLS (no explanation necessary either). My happier self didn't happen fast enough after WLS so my wife couldn't takes no more (in my best Popeye voice) and filed for divorce.  Was our marriage strong prior to WLS? Well, hell no it wasn't. Why? Because I was so damn depressed that I weighed nearly 500 pounds. I hated myself so it's pretty damn hard to love someone else when you are in that condition.  I suppose I was more depressed prior to WLS than most of the guys here on the board . I also think I am more lunatic fringe than most of you from a post-WLS energy / exercise / nutrition perspective. So, in retrospect I guess the overall amount of change that my wife had to deal with is more intense than your wives. On the other hand, you may also have wives which are more understanding than mine is. Or, maybe you guys aren't as big a dick as I can be sometimes. Who knows?  Here's one so-called expert's opinion on the subject:  

“The divorce rate after weight-loss surgery is extremely high, according to Pilcher. So is the rate of job change.That’s not always a bad thing. Morbidly obese people, subject to a lifetime of discrimination, often come to feel helpless and accept situations others would not, says Pilcher. “Many patients, through the weight loss, become empowered to get themselves out of situations—work or marriage—that were bad,” he says. Not everyone is affected in the same way, however. “If a patient in a long-term marriage was a normal weight when the marriage began,” Pilcher says, “that marriage is probably in pretty good shape to withstand the changes following surgery. If the patient was heavy at the time the marriage or therelationship began, however, there’s an 80% to 85% chance that that relationship is going to break upwithin two years of surgery.”