Women versus Men and Depression

Both men and women experience depression in varying degrees.  Women are definitely "wired" differently than men, at least in my opinion. Women are usually more driven by emotions than men also. That's where the "drama" factor comes in. Women seem to almost relish discussions about their inner feelings, moods, personal issues, etc.   Men, on the other hand, don't usually dwell on or discuss their feelings openly. Personally, I know I'm depressed about my current physical condition and health issues.  My situation was brought on by heart attacks, the treatment, and the meds - not beacuse of poor eating or lack of exercise. I was in A-1 physical shape, worked out 6 days a week, was a personal trainer and partner in a health club/gym. I think that being somewhat depressed considering these cir****tances is only normal. And all the more reason to want the WLS - to regain my health, energy and my life!

First things first. .....my only advice is to stay off the main board. Them chicks is nutz. I think you will come to find that the men of the locker room are not nearly as uptight, even when talking about issues like depression. There are mentally ill, homosexual, and even a few guys with an advanced case of "head in a$$ disease" around here, and we're all pretty much cool with it. About the only thing not supported ,or even tolerated, around here is crazy chicks from the main board trying to bring the drama over here. Besides myself, there are several other guys here that have direct experience with psych issues, to some degree or another. If you search the forum, you can find frank discussions about experiences with different meds, Psychiatrist vs Psychologist, etc... Like many conditions, there are many different varieties, causes and degrees of the condition, and we are in good company with men from all walks of life, including captains of industry, professional athletes, and civic leaders. Some surgeons prescribe an antidepressant as a general course of treatment for their RNY patients, as rapid weight loss is a mindf*&k all in itself. I hope your surgery is complication free and does not turn on some switch to make you go mental. But it is wise to monitor yourself for the signs and have a plan in place to address it, as it does happen for a fair percentage of men during the rapid weight loss phase. Also, I personally do not believe that WLS cures depression. fat depressed people often just become skinny depressed people, if they do not deal with the underlying issues at play. Several of the guys here have been very candid about their experiences, and I think it has been helpful for all that we have an environment here that is supportive of such. There is often "chicken or the egg" talk concerning obesity and depression, as to which came first or caused the other. Unfortunately, for me it was the chicken. I was half nuts long before I ever became obese, but I am sure it was a factor to some degree in the "egg". Technically, For the record, I do not have "depression", I have post traumatic stress disorder with a side of anxiety disorder. (Let's just say my childhood wasn't "Leave it to Beaver" episodes)This does manifest itself in "depression" from time to time for me, including a bout during my weight loss phase last year. Of course, I did have to put both my parents in nursing homes last year, too, which is a joy I hope no one else ever gets to experience. Anyway, I'm good to discuss the issues of WLS/Men/depression (or going mental in general), AS to women, the differences etc...not a clue. Again, my best and only advice is to stay off the main board. JP

Thanks for the insight JP.  Nice perspective on the whole situation.  And Yes, Dem *****es on woemens board are crazy hormonal with all the estrogen flowing or lack there of in the post- menopausal women.  Taz

As Fat Man Walking said, there are a number of guys on this forum that deal with depression and/or anxiety. I have been under a psych's care since 1998. A little time with a therapist at first, then just medical management since then. I think my situation is related to my obesity, my job, my genetics, and a few mistakes i have made in my life. I am very happy to say that since surgery I have come off of one med, and reduced my anxiety meds by 2/3s. I have been much more confident at work and have had positive comments and job offers. At home I am happier and interacting more with my wife and kids. I think it is all related, and I am just trying to live day-to-day, generally enjoying life, while relying on a loving Heavenly Father to stay with me through the tough times. Joe

Guys, I have only one piece of advice:  Don't try to figure those crazy-ass Ho's out - you will drive yourself crazy in the process  Matter of fact, unless you need sex or a mess cleaned up, I'd recommend limiting your exposure to them to the absolute minimum.

I am a psychotherapist and have taught it around the world.  I know a little somethiing about it.  There are neurochemical differences between men and women (specific mechanisms are not fully understood) and ther are differences in the release rate of testosterone and estrogen during ketosis.  Those factors account for some of the difference.  A major factor in the perception of "depression" is socialization.  A lot of the men here on the board (including myself) dislike the chatter of the main board, but that is precisely how women keep depressive episodes at bay -- relationally.  As several of you have said in this thread, men have a propensity to keep their emotional reactions to themselves or to titrate them cognitively, deny them, etc.   There are two additional factors men should consider.  First, men have a tendency towards alcoholism and violence when they experience prolongued depression.  In fact, anger is a measure of depression in men.  Second, men tend to die at a much earlier age than women from diseases that have a psychosomatic component, like cardiac failure, hypertension or obesity.  I think that is sad.  Many a brother has passed on locked in a prison of his own making.  A little more warmth (see the Coffee Talk for today), a little more opening of our hearts, a little more sharing our troubles ... all might add years to our lives.  It is ironic that we would choose to have our GI plumbing altered so dramatically but stick to our guns when asked to consider altering our psyche to facilitate our health. That said, I think the main board sucks!  Drama does not equal sharing our plight in life and getting support.  We do an excellent job of it here on this board.  Guess I just wanted to say my piece here to keep the space as open as possible.  I can't imagine anyone morbidly obese who hasn't sufferred intermittent bouts of depression from social isolation, poor self-image, physical ailments, condemnation by others or self-defeatism.

Don't rule out counseling or therapy simply because it's not macho or because you are convinced it can't work for you.  There may be a time in your life when it would be helpful to have it in your back ppocket as an option.

CB

Do all these fall into the category of "relating":

1. Forming power-cliques

2. Attacking the weak

3. Fakey sticky sweetness

Wonder how men might relate in a more manly and noble fashion? (I like posting pics as in this thread!)

 

Well, I know of at least one thing that kills women earlier than men... Vaginal cancer

Are women more moody, emotional, and depressed than men?? Well Hell Yes!! Why? It's because of the oppression of our patriarchical society man. Man is synonimous with opressor and woman is synonymous with opressee. Seriously, have you guys not been indoctrinated in the post-modern feminist agenda yet?  Oh sorry. That's right. Most of us went to college 30 years ago before that bull**** had gained acceptance as a legitimate area of academic study.

I've often been told by the women on the non-ops board that I need to see a therapist because of my self-loathing.  See, I'm very open about my problems and my feelings.  At one point I actually did think I was suffering from depression so I talked to my PCP and got some wellbutrin. Didn't seem to do anything so I quit taking it.  Seemed pointless.  Over the years I've come to realize I don't hate myself.. I hate my fat. I've accomplished some amazing things in my life that I'm quite proud of. I'm intelligent and I just seem to have an understanding of most everything. Understanding comes easy for me.  I love many things about the way I look but I cannot stand the fat. It is visually unappealing, it stops me from getting out and being active, and it affects how people view me.  Still, I don't hate myself because I'm fat. I JUST FRIGGIN HATE THE FAT! lol  Why that's so hard to understand I do not know... Women seem to mistake that for emotional issues and depression.  I cannot see where talking to a psych is going to change how I feel about my obesity. I been through a lot in my life but I've had a great life. I'm not depressed. I'm happy, I'm hopeful.. I often get discouraged and sometimes I feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel..but then I reflect on what I've already done and I realize..it all works out in the end.. nothing is too much for me. Nonetheless, I think it is important to see a psych when you are pursuing WLS and just as important to see one post-op. I know that I can deal with my issues but it does help to have another person's point of view on your situation...to help point out things that didn't think about. Especially one experienced in dealing with WLS men....  I use the forums in that manner now. So, yes, I'll go see the psych but I am pretty dadgum sure there is nothing emotionally wrong with me.