Monday Laugh
Super Bowl Seat
A man has 50-yard-line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he said, "the seat is empty". "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in his right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it ?" Somberly, the man says, "Well...the seat actually belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come here with me, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967." "Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor - to take the seat?" The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at the funeral."
An Amish Farmer
An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond.. The Amish farmer shouts: ‘Das Wasser nicht trinken, die Kühe haben geschissen in ihm.’ Which means: ‘Don’t drink the water, the cows have **** in it.’ The man shouts back: ‘I’m a Muslim, I don’t understand. Please speak in English.’ The Amish farmer says: ‘Use two hands. You’ll get more.’ An Amish Woman and her Daughter
An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond.. The Amish farmer shouts: ‘Das Wasser nicht trinken, die Kühe haben geschissen in ihm.’ Which means: ‘Don’t drink the water, the cows have **** in it.’ The man shouts back: ‘I’m a Muslim, I don’t understand. Please speak in English.’ The Amish farmer says: ‘Use two hands. You’ll get more.’ An Amish Woman and her Daughter
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied, "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up". He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid..." The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever hea rd of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, " Yes...?! Why do you ask?" The daughter replied "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!"
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