A fart so big I **** my pants!

No, really.... nothing special happened to me!  I just blew mud in my trou is all What a ******g disgusting mess  , I better scrape 'em out with a trowel and get 'em in the wash before the old lady gets home.  On second thought, maybe I better burn 'em.  If she catches me doing laundry she'll really know  that there's some "butt-******y" going on    No time to shower, she's used to a slightly pungnet odor anyhoooo.....

so elequently put! please cross post on main board please.....carbonblob

"Ever farted so hard you pooped a little?" Good laugh. Cross post.   I dare ya.

I take a **** this afternoon when I get home from work. Not to impressive. Three turds, each  about the size of a Ball Park frank. But that's evidently all that is in the launching area. I wipe my ass, put on my tennyrunners and hit the street for 3 miles of sweet, sweet, walking. I hit the 0.75mile mark and I feel the next generation move into launch position and initiate the countdown sequence. I turn at the next street and head for home. I hit the house and go straight for the commode, and barely has my as**** the seat and I'm the proud new owner of a donkey dick sized turd. Not to mention the cubic foot of methane that was trapped behind it which was providing the motivation to cut the walk short in the first place. I may have to start taking TP with me on my walks and ****ting behind people's dumpsters in the alley. My luck though, their pre-teen daughters would be taking out the trash and next thing you know, I'm a registered sex offender. Inadvertant exposure. I know what you sick *******s are thinking and you can knock that **** off. So any of you guys have your exercise session cut short by emergency defecation?

Hah hah hah.   That sucks man.  I've done that on more than one occasion running. 

"Damn I feel kinda gassy.   Do I have to ****   Nah, that's gotta be a fart....   Wha....   AWWW *****TICKS!" 

I commute around 50 miles to work and at least once a month I have to run off in the woods so I don't **** my pants.  The first time it happened I didn't have a roll in my truck so I had to say bye bye to one of my favorite t-shirts.   I always like to think a bum walking through the woods spots my shirt thinking he found a nice score.   Heh heh.  SURPRISE *****!

Now THAT is funny! I had the same thing happen to me once while commuting in LA.  I kept putting it off, and ended up getting stuck in bumper-to-bumper.... sweating and grinding my teeth    I had to pull off into the  emergency and  drop trou in the bushes.... lost a perfectly good sock on that one  Speaking of *****TICKS, how's that ol' CHANCRE across the street from you like the new parking scheme?  Did you purchase an old tired pimpmobile yet and dock it in front of his house?

Sweating...   Teeth grinding....  Squirming...  all symptoms of the dreaded "I have to **** now" syndrome.

It's actually been all quiet on the homefront lately.   I saw the lady outside and busted her balls a couple days after the signs came down but other than that, crickets.

 

My problem is that I usually squirt or have a fluid explosion.  So, at the slightest feeling of needing to go, I rush for the bathroom.  There have been many (yes--many) times in the last year when I didn't make it in time and felt the slime coming out.  Then comes the problem of getting the pants off without crapping all over the bathroom.  Luckily, I've only had this problem at home.  Sometimes I;ve felt the beginnings of the urge as I was driving home but manage to make it to my house--not even inside at times.  And, it's hard to figure what I should do to keep it from coming out.  I've tried squeezing my cheeks and holding my breath but nothing helps.  I just hope to get to the bowl in time. It's extremely rare that I have a solid poop since I've had WLS.

I usually strap on a set pair of Adult Depends when I am going to away from the ****ter for more than 20 minutes.... problem solved 

Sometime its better just to hang it over the rail and let it blow.  Downwind side of course.